Hmmm

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Hopefully that is good. Or refers to my rambling stream of consciousness when I post. Never was good with poetry.

Now have to go back and read Leaves of Grass to figure this out!

I really enjoy Walt Whitman. He was a genius.

Imagine having the nerve to write and publish Stream of Consciousness in the 19th century?

Allen Ginsburg was a very "poor man's" Walt Whitman.

Have you tried ignoring her? Maybe just don't answer her calls. Tell her you prefer text but then space all your replies 10 minutes apart.

Don’t want to divert the thread but love it! I tried to read it. Still hard to understand. But amazing for his time. Agreed.
Side note. My brother studied (during his wild days) with Ginsberg if I recall correctly!

Stream of consciousness is a deliberate process right now for healing myself. I am newly self diagnosed and figuring out the real me vs negative messages. Kept my thoughts over restrained all these years. You all are seeing me not censoring it. Sorry. But would not do this to people in person.

If I let my female nature go outside a forum where it is easy to ignore these long posts, it would irritate. especially if I unleash it in a long phone call to chat or stream of texts bleeping for attention.

Even without the autistic component-this type of ping ponging thought is hard for the more linear thought processing in a large percentage of guys.

On a perfect day, even if I am talking about good stuff, this part of our nature needs restraint usually.

Someone always is off the bell curve and likes to listen.

If the 2 halves of the species want to live together, we have to find a common language to function in peace.

I tend to get along very well with women.

I don’t believe in all this gender dynamic stuff.

Men have quirks, women have quirks.

Most women I know are not totally into the gender thing, either.

Most people relate to people as much people.

Though I must say I find women who are elegantly feminine enchanting.

Whitman wrote from the deep recesses of his consciousness. His stuff was almost solipsistic. One has to know that to understand him. It was amazing stuff for Victorian times.

You seem pretty easy going which puts others at ease.

Going to try again with his writings and think about it in context of those 2 points.
Brains are weird. I really am looking at his lines of poetry like random words not pictures or thoughts.

Whitman was pretty solipsistic.

Think about when you dream. How it doesn’t make apparent sense.....but it does in your dream!

If you're going to have another go at getting some space (understandable) you could point out that talking on the phone or texting is not the same as being with someone, and therefor your rejection isn't of her but of those non-personal forms of communication in something that is personal (your relationship).

You would be great at teaching. I never got the meaning I was supposed to out of any literary work in school.

Ok, I let go of former assumptions and read his biography. Then put myself into the Victorian world.
To me repressive of all that is natural for the sake of the imaginary need for conformity of thought and lifestyle. Hiding ones true nature.

It is not what he is saying, but the fact that he let his mind free to wander where it may?
He is describing reality from his mind’s viewpoint.
Freedom of thought and expression.
Being true to oneself.
Powerful stuff.

So in a sense, her free form stream of texts are her reality and Song of herself.
And so are all our posts. We have a collective reality different from each other but more similar than to the rest of society?

So her texts are an invitation into her world view/reality?
No more or less valid than any other?

I think, in our posts, we seek to make others understand us—so we edit and refine what we write. Rarely do we go into stream of consciousness territory.

Sometimes, Whitman sought to have others understand him; other times, he only wanted to bare his dreams.

There’s lots of fusion of impressions in Whitman. Very much like dreams.

In one of my dreams, I left food on the street for others to pick up months from now. Doesn’t make sense in reality. Made total sense in my dream. Same thing with me arriving in Boston from NYC in a couple of seconds.

She does have few but they disappointed ther - like asking her for money and not retuneing it... etc.

She clashed with her best girl friend not a long ago.

She is my about age but immature - well,.... just like me.

Her sister keeps wanting to introduce her to her friends but she keeps avoiding the occasion.

She’s extrovert but reached a point where she got tired of people and just wants to stick to very few. I think she’s becoming way less extrovert honestly lately (I know her for over a year and 3 months).

UpforAshes:

Couldn’t answer your PM because you accidentally disabled others’ ability to answer you.

If there is a peripheral relationship to autism, then “General” is appropriate. Otherwise, like you said, “Random” or “Philosophy” is appropriate.

Sorry, Boo.

Everyone is different. If this does not fit for you, lots of others have suggestions

I am simplistic and break problems into binary decisions
So if it was me, I would ask myself
What am I doing that is causing this response? Do I want to change that thing?
Is she open to adjusting her communication style and open to help? You want to hear her, but she is not communicating in a way that is healthy or helpful. If she is open to this, lots of options.
Is she worth it to put up with her list of demands, texting, calls if she never changes?
( no polite way to say it, so for instance, the physical aspect outweighs all this trouble, and you truly are in this for the short term)

Are you prepared to risk the relationship with the truth in talking to her?

What do you need or want for peace and well being? What are absolutes for you?
Is that possible in this relationship just as she is?


I try to find the question behind the question in talking to people like her. But have yrs of training in doing that. But always good to ask youself, what is really upsetting her? She may not know. And in this mode, they expect you to know. So tricky getting them out of that mode.

Without seeing her in person, I cannot answer what is that underlying question.

Clarity for me on what I want, what I am willing to do, willing to risk and why, helps me to have difficult conversations. I need to be grounded.
Again, my perspective is I don’t have this type of relationship unless I am looking for permanence and so truth and communicating are high for me as I am deciding lifetime compatibility with no out for divorce on my end. A successful dating relationship to me includes ones that you realize you are not compatible. You all have a different mindset, reverse order to relationships, and different priorities.

If you are not seeking permanence, others have more experience. My risk benefit equation is different and it colors my opinions.

There is no right or wrong here. Just neither seems happy with the current dynamic and with communication it can be a whole lot better.

I do not blame disabilities. We are humans. I say something like,” I want to hear you and understand, but when I get numerous texts and long calls, it....
Can we try .... so I can understand you but really need the texting and long calls to stop so I can spend time in person.”

Win win negotiating takes knowing what she wants and you want.
But sounds like you tried. That is why I like the book on the 5 love languages as a tool. Changes the conversation with a different focus, no blaming, and gives everyone something concrete to do.


Immaturity in my book is not the issue. My question is do they want to grow? Developing healthy boundaries and communication etc is not changing a person. We all are on a journey. Are they sitting on the roadside on strike or moving with you growing together as you figure out life?

Last edited by upfromashes on 28 May 2018, 10:24 am, edited 1 time in total.

Hi Upfronashes.

Still can’t answer your PM.

I would say, if a peripheral relationship to autism, put it in General.

Otherwise, like you said earlier. Random or Philosophy.

i just realized I was thinking the big dot size is yes and little dot is no

just reversed the settings.
sorry there are no instructions and it is always these stupid little things that get me.

It took me four weeks to work out how to get an avatar.