He seemed nice, too.

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Gotta get a different term. Pansy is also a woman's name.

Nobody takes advantage of GF21. He has that covered.

Every time someone says pansy I think panzer

Observing others' relationships makes for pretty sound reasoning to avoid one. Extended family examples = mostly dysfunctional, some divorced, and maaaaaaany times it's the result of their symptoms. (Mind you, exactly Zero of them are interested in learning anything about ASD and thus have no concept of what their own symptoms are, and are obviously untreated so their ASD simply runs it's wild course and f***s their relationships and social lives into the ground.) Then there's members posting here.. very few positive posts, mostly gripes and complaints.. and then there's strangers signing up to come here and ask for advice on what to do with some s**t relationship they've unfortunately gotten themselves into with someone on the spectrum. Those are almost never positive threads and the most realistic advice anyone can give them is to run away now before wasting any more of their time or energy. Seems like the whole deck is stacked against relationships working out well for people on the spectrum, which makes it all the more logical to simply stay single and avoid ALL of that crap and negativity, and the feeling of Knowingly doing that to someone else. I can't unlearn things about ASD or myself and then just suddenly be Okay with subjecting someone to the way that I am. I also find it difficult to understand how so many here can Know about ASD and themselves and then still decide to get into relationships as if they have no concept of the harm they're doing to someone else - or maybe it's worse yet and they do know what they're inflicting upon someone else and they still choose to do it anyways. Hmmm.

And like I said to my acquaintance, I see gay couples in public and it's bittersweet. I like seeing them, I'm happy for them, but it reminds me of the things I can't have. I just look at gay couples together and it's wonderful to see but I always get this "but that's for them who are suited to it, not for you who isn't," type of bittersweet feeling. It's difficult to deal with & process, especially around this time of year as Pride approaches and it's the one time of year for the last few running that I'll go surround myself with all teh gays at a MASSIVE party, which will include many couples. Thank God for drugs, alcohol, and amazing party friends! I'll do my best to be in a fun party headspace and try to see the good in everyone and everything around me. I'll probably end up buying drinks for the cutest couples I see vs. allow myself to dwell on envious thoughts - it's so much better that way.

Plus I already have two party friend dates I invited to this particular Pride Sunday party this year (so I AM Going & not going to flake out and stay home and be all "woe is me," about seeing couples) so it's not like I'll have any lack of someone to socialize with while I'm there. (Then there's all the regular party people I'm looking forward to seeing that I haven't seen since the last party I was at on Halloween.) These two are totally Not my type, and one of them I have never met in person. I was going to skip all the parties this year and save the $ I'd spend on them but then I thought of these two guys as good reasons to go to my friends' main event of their Alternative Pride Festival. They're both in their 50's. One of them is known as a Super Volunteer for all the community work he does, especially with HIV/AIDS charities. He seroconverted when he was ~25 years old and was told he had less than 2 years to live. He recently turned 50. The other is in his young 50's & is someone I met at a regular pub a few years ago near Christmas time and is just a nice guy - he's come to a party with me before. Neither currently has the budget to go get ret*d at The party of the year & I know it, but I figured that they Deserve to be at that party enjoying themselves because it's Only because of their generation that pretty little gay boys can walk around in their pink t-shirts holding their boyfriends' hands. They deserve to be at the party that they fought for. That and what's the point in an Alternative Pride Festival if you can't be proud of something besides commercial sponsorships? I am super f*****g proud of the things gay guys older than myself have endured & survived so that we can party all night. Sure, there are young people (friends of mine even, hell, even myself) who still have to endure homophobia this day and age, but not like they had to. They've paid their dues.. and so, for one long night in August, they will dance with the rest of us. f**k, even our resident Party Artist has dealt with homophobia from the city & landlords and has had to constantly live out my favourite song from when I was 5 years old & fight for our right to party. Seriously. The work they have to constantly do to not get shutdown is mind boggling - but - they persist, and we keep partying. And it's f*****g AWESOME. Oh the things straight people miss out on in life.

The worst might be being smart but having severe social deficits. Knowing potential ways to shape my own destiny but also knowing it's most likely impossible as some degree of social acceptance and social function is always going to be required.

My best plan is to try to take up programming and create software or apps to sell. It's far more limiting when reality requires that no other persons have any direct involvement with what I do.

I think you're right.

Have you considered, that maybe that person who wants to be with you may not even find those things embarrasing? Maybe he would just think that those things are just you and part of what you are and accept them? Maybe in the future you should let them decide what they are and aren't willing to go through for you. These are adults who are capable of doing their own decisions, or so I assume? I understand if people want to protect themselves, but using the excuse of "protecting" others gives the impression that you think you are so much above those people, that you should make their decisions for them, because otherwise they make the wrong ones. I'm really happy that my bf let me make my own choices and I chose to be with him. And if anyone has anything negative to say about that, like my daughters father had in the beginning, then f**k them. F**k them all.
I wish that at some point you find someone who you find so irresistible, that you stop thinking like that and find lasting happiness. If that's what you want, if not, then bang away one person (or more if you're in to that) at a time...

I’ve had a handful of intense crushes on ppl I’d have maybe dated and been with if they were into me, but it’s never been a mutual thing.

It’s not up to others if I feel okay with bringing them down with the way that I am or not, really.

I saw one of my closest friends and his bf at the beach yesterday. They’ve been together for ~4ish years & are definitely a very good match. But it’s still a bit of a bittersweet thing to see.

In the meantime, I’ll continue banging away as I have been. It’s bettet than celibacy by a long shot.

Any autistic men you fancy?

It really depends on the person. I wonder how many people who sit and tell themselves they can't have a relationship because of 'x', x being whatever health, personality or circumstancial problem that bogs them down.

Only one asd guy I’ve ever had a thing for, but he’s not single and not attracted to me.

*shrug* I dunno. Maybe many, maybe few.

I thought you had measures in place that effectively dealt with your social issues so WTF?

Those horrible women on AS Partners would love you and agree with all of this.

I'm with Raleigh on this one. You haven't even tried, it seems. How on earth do you know so surely that you will mess up a relationship? I've been with the same guy for fourteen years. Yes, it is sometimes hard. This is the case for a lot of relationships. Some of the things he enjoys the most about our relationship are my aspie qualities, such as the fact that I am straightforward and don't play games. Sometimes when I take things literally he laughs and kisses me.

Sorry, but it just looks like fear of being vulnerable to me. Maybe you need to let go of control a little, of the standard you've created for yourself. It seems like a heavy burden to carry around. Telling yourself you have your symptoms under control, that you're so smart......these things can turn into a burden. Maybe admit life is chaotic and confusing just as it is for most people, and that intelligence is an uneven thing - we are all good at some things and bad at other things.

I know you are literate, but I'll explain it again because I think you're suffering from the symptom of "all or nothing," type black and white thinking.

I do what I do & symptoms are controlled and I function way higher. I don't really have highs/lows, I'm much more balanced around level. But, as I've stated many times, I'm still autistic. Among the very highest functioning, yes, but I still have symptoms creep up beyond my control sometimes (especially if I have to take a course of antibiotics) & these things can impact others around me creating an undesirable effect or embarrassment. I can work, play, go to parties, be social at the beach etc, but when it comes to dating/romance I HATE the idea of burdening someone else with the way that I am, feeling like I'm bringing them down. I don't want to be that guy.

You are "high functioning" but you cant have a loving relationship because of your AS traits? This makes little sense to me, esp since in a real relationship you would BOTH make changes FOR EACH OTHER. If not, well, I think Reo Speedwagon summed it up best with this song:



You tell me what you think I'm feelin', you know why I do what I do
Why should you listen to a word I'm sayin', when it's already so clear to you
You tell me 'bout my bad intentions, you doubt the very things I hold true
I can no longer live with your misconceptions, baby all I can say to you, is

[Chorus:]
That ain't love, I believe you've got the wrong emotion
That ain't love, at least it doesn't feel like love to me
As long as I say what you wanna hear
Do what you wanna do, be who you want me to be
You think that's love, well baby that ain't love to me

We've got to talk it over sometime, these feelings won't just disappear
I'm just gonna keep telling you what's on my mind
Even if it's not what you wanna hear
Oooh right now your world and mine are such different places
Through yours I wander lost and confused
And I feel like I'm speaking in a different language
And the only words I haven't used, are

[Chorus]

You keep tellin' me, you know a place where your life would be better
You're makin' plans long-range
But I don't know how you expect to get there, when you refuse to change

[Solo]

Oooh baby -
[Chorus]

Ooh baby that ain't love, that ain't lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-love
That ain't love, oh no, baby that ain't love, that ain't love
(That ain't love, that ain't love, that ain't love, oohoo)


And if that's the case, what is your vaulted treatment really doing for you? Placebo remedy for some anxiety issues is all I see here. I've got my pipe for that. No real relationship or the possibility thereof because you are not NT and never will be? WHAT KIND OF LIFE IS THAT?

You've been very transparent about the fact that you don't think treatment options should even exist for others. That doesn't change that they do & that I am able to treat myself and raise my ASD functioning level significantly regardless of what you believe.

What kind of life is it? An autistic one of solo pursuits. Education, work, time relaxing at at the beach, time kiteboarding at another beach, riding motorcycles soon, time with friends & family and all the little kids in my life. And also time hooking up with pretty little gay boys.. singers, dancers, models, actors, athletes etc. As a single guy, I certainly don't live a terrible life.

Ok well I cant argue against the solo pursuits thing, that's fine by me. But you think you cant have a loving relationship in spite of a treatment that should make it possible?? IDK seems like you are not treating AS at all is all I'm saying. I've had loving relationships, and the endless casual sex thing gets old after awhile...at least it did for me.