Men don't know how they are

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rdos
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14 Sep 2018, 8:35 am

BTDT wrote:

If you are going to be socializing as an adult it makes a lot of sense to learn how NTs flirt as a basic life skill.

Why? I'm not interested in flirting with NTs, and given that NDs are flirting in much less obvious ways, there is no risk that deliberate flirting from my POV would be misinterpreted. Unless you propose I shouldn't discuss my interests with single girls so they cannot interpret it as flirting, then I would claim that's their problem since it never was deliberate from my POV.

BTDT wrote:

These days it may even be considered mandatory, with the concern about sexual harassment in the work place. Just like having to take cyber security courses.

So much to say about this, but I'll pass. :mrgreen:

hurtloam
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14 Sep 2018, 8:37 am

Wolfram87 wrote:

That actually depends. It does go beyond general politeness, but depending on the situation he may have percieved you as being particularly emotionally vulnerable, and touching the hand and marked eye contact is also a demonstration of emotional support.

I was handing him a cupcake.

There were other things too.

Last edited by hurtloam on 14 Sep 2018, 8:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

kraftiekortie
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14 Sep 2018, 8:40 am

I feel like the man liked you----but that he was cautious.

I probably wouldn't take a woman's hand, unless I felt an attraction for her.

BTDT
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14 Sep 2018, 8:47 am

In Connecticut, intent is no longer required for sexual harassment. Thus, the defense that you didn't know what you were doing no longer applies.

As I see it, it common courtesy to stop flirting if you realize you are doing it accidentally.

rdos
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14 Sep 2018, 9:43 am

BTDT wrote:

I wrote a research article about everything that is wrong with "sexual harassment", and why a lot of this is just natural courtship behaviors that our culture already have (or want to) criminalize. It's more or less a given that when you criminalize courtship in a culture nothing good will come out of it. Personally, I actually couldn't care less about sexual harassment.

Fnord
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14 Sep 2018, 9:55 am

BTDT wrote:

In Connecticut, intent is no longer required for sexual harassment. Thus, the defense that you didn't know what you were doing no longer applies. As I see it, it common courtesy to stop flirting if you realize you are doing it accidentally.

As I see it, current laws and customs dictate that men have as little contact as possible with women in the workplace -- even a jovial "Good Morning" can earn you a visit from HR.

As for me, I try to be polite, yet formal -- no first-name basis for me. It's "Miss", "Missus", or "Doctor" so-and-so. "Yes, ma'am", "No, ma'am", and "Thank you, ma'am" round out the package. I keep my eyes on my work, too.

I would rather be known as a grumpy person who "has a stick up his arse" than a leering, lecherous, dirty-old-man type.

This close to retirement is too close to risk losing my pension over a lawsuit.

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hurtloam
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14 Sep 2018, 10:16 am

rdos wrote:

BTDT wrote:

Can you link this paper?

I'd rather not comment without reading it.

BTDT
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14 Sep 2018, 10:23 am

If you have a ton of money in a 401k you can retire early by taking substantially equal payments. You don't have to wait until 59-1/2 to avoid the normal 10% penalty.

Kiprobalhato
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14 Sep 2018, 10:39 am

what's a "pension"?

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BTDT
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14 Sep 2018, 11:49 am

Kiprobalhato wrote:

what's a "pension"?

Back in the old days, when you retired, you would get a fixed amount of money each month from the company that employed you.

My company used to do that, but realized that they could no longer afford to do that. So they dissolved the pension plan and gave everyone who was vested a lump sum. I put mine into a stock index fund. :-)

Sabreclaw
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14 Sep 2018, 8:59 pm

Fnord wrote:

BTDT wrote:

In Connecticut, intent is no longer required for sexual harassment. Thus, the defense that you didn't know what you were doing no longer applies. As I see it, it common courtesy to stop flirting if you realize you are doing it accidentally.

Where on Earth do you work? That's just absurd levels of paranoia.

The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Sep 2018, 12:30 am

Kiprobalhato wrote:

what's a "pension"?

This one of the perks that us ‘lazy’ millennials will not have.

The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Sep 2018, 12:48 am

hurtloam wrote:

Wolfram87 wrote:

I was handing him a cupcake.

There were other things too.

Did that cupcake have a white frosting?

sly279
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15 Sep 2018, 2:08 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Tell her "A man is not a lost puppy".

Some are

sly279
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15 Sep 2018, 2:11 am

hurtloam wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

You said he was being charming and polite.

Being charming and polite doesn’t mean he’s interested, he may be charming and polite with his grandma too.

So I am confused about what you mean by charming.

That wasn't the flirting bit. He's charming and polite to everyone.

When someone deliberately touches your hand and looks into your eyes (to see your reaction) that's a signal. That's not politeness.

People said when a girl makes physical contact it means fflirting. But I found out hard way some people are over physical and it means nothing. Remember that girl from when I worked college who’d get all excited when I came in run over and greet me , she’d hug me or touch my arm, but she wasn’t interested in me at all I found out when I asked her out.

sly279
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15 Sep 2018, 2:17 am

Fnord wrote:

BTDT wrote:

In Connecticut, intent is no longer required for sexual harassment. Thus, the defense that you didn't know what you were doing no longer applies. As I see it, it common courtesy to stop flirting if you realize you are doing it accidentally.

We aren’t supposed to use any pronouns least we call a woman sir.

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