Sexist men getting married and having children

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He can’t. He doesn’t want to. And even if he did want to, his mom is in firm control over his finances. And even if none of that was true, he doesn’t value women enough to actively pursue them.

All he has left really is himself. And he doesn’t really love himself becaue his self-esteem is too tied up in how he measures up with rednecks and Bible-thumpers together with social status contingent on having sex and keeping a gf.

Don’t get me wrong. I live in the Bible Belt, I’m a Christian, I take the Bible literally, I’m a conservative, and a lot of my friends happen to be rednecks. But I’m not the one with the problem. I look at my world with a sense of awe and gratitude, and that’s after spending the last decade in poverty. Marknis looks at his world with bitterness and envy. I’ve chosen to focus on what makes me happy apart from other human beings. Marknis bases his entire identity on others. I live in poverty, but I live free. Marknis is in need of nothing, yet lives like a slave.

The slave mentality offers a cozy life free of responsibility. It’s safe. All your decisions are made for you. Half of Americans live either like slaves or like slave owners. Neither position is good for those enduring it. Slaves live for their owners, jealous of what they have and resentful for being made to live the way they do. Slave owners don’t find satisfaction in their greed. No matter what they have, it’s never enough. They find no joy in life other than the admiration or envy from those they control.

Marknis is a slave who desires to be a slave owner. He doesn’t yet understand that his true happiness depends on breaking free. To be a slave owner is to be a narcissist. You aren’t free of slavery just because you’re at the top. You’re still enslaved because your life still depends on how other people see you. If you’re at the top, you’re going to see people who are only with you because of their own envy and greed. They have no admiration for you. They only have envy, bitterness, and resentment.

Being free means you neither envy what rednecks have, nor do you measure your own worth by what other people think of you.

I’m not talking about “pulling yourself up by your bootstraps.” Marknis doesn’t actually need to DO anything different. It’s a mindset. His standard for achievement is too low. It condescends to immorality. It’s about having a gf as a status symbol because “rednecks and jerks have wives and children.” Because having a gf somehow elevates him in the sick sad world he lives in. Marknis would be happier raising the standard. Forget the gf. Forget the rednecks. What makes you happy? What do you do that’s productice that empowers you to pursue things that make you happy? What are you doing to keep yourself in the best mental, physical, emotional, and even spiritual shape to work for and appreciate all that does make you happy? Marknis needs to learn that rednecks and women are beneath him at this point. Maybe one day he will have a gf and even get married. Maybe he’ll NEVER have a gf or wife. Once he understands he’s better than that, it won’t matter. IF he ever does find romantic love, he’ll truly appreciate it then. But if he were to find that now, it might actually be the worst thing for him (and her, too).

We would all be better off to stop trying to give advice to people who obviously don't want advice (there are several such people on this website). It does them no good, and is a complete waste of our time and efforts. Better to leave them alone to mull over what has already been said to them, and to hope that they will finally wake up to what they need to do to improve their own lives.

A part of myself does realize this. And contrary to what AngelRho says, I don't want a girlfriend as a status symbol. That idea never crosses my mind.

I don’t judge anyone for wanting a partner as a status symbol. Partners bring status. That’s just a natural consequence that can’t be helped. There’s no shame in that. If you have a gf or wife/kids, you SHOULD be proud of that. You’ve earned the admiration of others if you have that.

The problem is wanting the status symbol as a means of parity with others of similar or greater status. You bring this up with almost every post. You say that you won’t change, that you’re an individual, that you’ll never be like THEM...and then in the same post proceed to lament how much you want what rednecks and ghetto thugs have that you don’t. Why do you want to be so much like them?

I don't. I just don't understand why they succeed, especially when they do the opposite of what I was told to do if I wanted a partner. That's what baffles and frustrates me. I was told to be a "gentleman", be nice, and not be vulgar but the two other groups are do the opposite of those things. It's confusing when I see these things happen.

Good, then stop posting in his threads for instance; I think he asked you to refrain from that before.

One of the mods has directed me to not reply directly to any of Marknis' posts. The very same mod also made it clear that no one can be banned from posting in any specific thread. As you can see, I am in full compliance with the moderatorial directives.

That's actually rather hard to argue with.

Well you've gotta wake that part of you up. I don't agree with angelrho that you don't need to change anything about your life to be happy, or about forgetting about a girlfriend and 'do what makes you happy'. A solid and loving relationship is the ultimate source of happiness and it's clearly something you want badly, but to some extent you've gotta earn it.


I do think pulling yourself up by the bootstraps is at least somewhat necessary in your situation. Any progress you can make points you in the right direction and will give you momentum to keep progressing, but a lack of progress is just going to keep you in the frustrated state that you're in. Put simply, your emotional state will only change as much as your life circumstances do, and you're solely responsible for making those changes yourself. I would advise thinking of a girlfriend as a goal to work towards, rather than something you're likely to get in the near future. Focus on becoming the best Mark you can, do whatever it takes to work towards getting yourself in a position where you can move out of your parents house and in your case, preferably to another city. Invest in your style and appearance and use it to express yourself, heck maybe even get a makeover. Maybe try to focus on getting some exercise into your day a few times a week. I would also advise working on your diet for a few different reasons. First and foremost because you're prediabetic and continuing on with the diet that got you there is only going to cause you more health problems long-term, which might make your dating situation even worse. Secondly it will help improve your physique and you'll stand a better chance of women finding you physically attractive, which obviously translates into more dating success.

There's only so many ways I can rehash the same advice in hopes that it penetrates your psyche and you act on it. I'm going to make this the last advice post I leave on one of your threads until I see that you're really starting to get it and you're taking actions, no matter how small, to achieve your life goals. Feel free to PM me if you want me to expand on any of the advice I've given in any of your threads, or to help you work out how to make it so that you can move out of home, or anything of that sort. Otherwise, best of luck to you and I hope you can achieve your goals.

That's a very sexist title for this thread, since not all men are sexist. You're lumping in the genuinely good ones with the bad; how fair is that?

He was clearly not referring to all men, but only to the sexist men he knows in his area.

Which is an exceedingly miniscule minority of men.

They have the loudest voices and dominate the social circles here, though. That's something you and others who downplay my struggles don't get at all.

Boo has asked me if there are Asian or Middle Eastern communities in my area since he's stated he thinks those are the way to go. There are but I don't have any personal friends among them because I didn't go to the public school in my area; I was made to go to a redneck public school that was mainly white and Hispanic. Both communities are also very religious and I always see them partnered up.

Someone else told me I needed to seek counter culture in my area but there is none. There's just churches, crappy sports and dive bars, old folk's homes, ghetto dance clubs, and kid events.

I can ALMOST guarantee there's a counter culture in your area. ALMOST, and without having ever lived where you are. I've posted about this before, but by getting to know young people where I live, I'm finding that there are numerous undercurrents to the local scene. Young people lack in opportunities, but they abound in information. One young lady who used to take piano from me was absolutely SHOCKED when she found out I know what vocaloids are and I know who Hatsune Miku is. These are kids who grow up in redneck homes, hunt, ride 4-wheelers, skin deer (and pretty much anything else unfortunate enough to run within their reach). Given the chance, some of them would dye their hair black, wear all black, and wear goth-style makeup. A few of them are genuinely disaffected by the culture and the area they live in. Occasionally, I'll even overhear them talking about what meds their shrinks have them on THIS week. I haven't seen any real, live, full-on EMO kids in a while. But there are quite a few morbid individuals out there.

I've noticed that they change once they get out of high school. They're sheltered while in school, so they tend to act out more. Most gravitate towards college and getting as far away from home as they can. The rest...well, they move out and can't handle losing their structure. Those are the ones who end up hooked on meth and eventually acquire REAL problems. Somewhere in between are the ones running around faking it 'til they make it. They're trying in their own way to grow up and hopefully have things better than what they had at home with mom and dad. If you're looking for them, you'll find them right where you'd expect them. Bookstores and coffee shops, and even certain drinking establishments.

I mean...no kidding...I just played for this wedding. The kids and their parents are reeeeeeeddnneeeeeecccck to the core. The girl wanted me to play "River Flows In You" by Yiruma. By freakin' YIRUMA!! ! No, I'm not a fan. Not crazy about the tune, either. But tell me, what redneck likes that tune by Yiruma??? What redneck even knows who Yiruma IS? But that's what I got paid the big bucks to do.

I don't think the Bible Belt is some Shangri-La. I'm not passionate about my own redneck roots, or other rednecks. I'm just saying there's a lot more going on beneath the surface, and you might be surprised.

Pure speculation here, but I suspect you've just never really been exposed to what's going on out there.

Sometimes you just gotta take a look around at all the people you're surrounded by and ask, "Who is John Galt?" (Fnord will get the reference)

@Marknis,


if Fnord has been requested to not respond to your posts, then i may ask that you do not respond to his, either. it's only fair.