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Wrong thing to say?

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Raleigh
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21 Dec 2018, 3:15 am

I think it's a valid term to use.
Sorry you find it boring.


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hurtloam
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21 Dec 2018, 3:25 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
quite an extreme wrote:
I think the problem was that you were to much into the rather boring discussion about the definition. She wanted you to show interest in her or at least to speak about more interesting stuff than this.


Yeah, you were more into correcting her than getting to know her

That's a big turn off.

It makes you come over as arrogant. Is the definition of RPG a hill you really want to die on?


It was tiny exachange, we don’t know what was the rest of the conversation.

Funny how some of you are suggesting to put women on a pedestal, is it because women have too much options in dating apps so a man has to bite his tongue if one says something completely ignorant?

Suggesting to be super considerate and walking on egg shells when conversing with women = putting them on a pedestal. That’s exactly what it is.

Saying RE is a RPG is like saying The Sound of Music is an action movie.


Is it not the same with aspies making male friends. If you go too technical and get stuck in obsessing over exactness does that not make it hard for making friends with guys too?



The_Face_of_Boo
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21 Dec 2018, 3:31 am

hurtloam wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
quite an extreme wrote:
I think the problem was that you were to much into the rather boring discussion about the definition. She wanted you to show interest in her or at least to speak about more interesting stuff than this.


Yeah, you were more into correcting her than getting to know her

That's a big turn off.

It makes you come over as arrogant. Is the definition of RPG a hill you really want to die on?


It was tiny exachange, we don’t know what was the rest of the conversation.

Funny how some of you are suggesting to put women on a pedestal, is it because women have too much options in dating apps so a man has to bite his tongue if one says something completely ignorant?

Suggesting to be super considerate and walking on egg shells when conversing with women = putting them on a pedestal. That’s exactly what it is.

Saying RE is a RPG is like saying The Sound of Music is an action movie.


Is it not the same with aspies making male friends. If you go too technical and get stuck in obsessing over exactness does that not make it hard for making friends with guys too?


No hurtloam, guys are by far more easygoing, seriously, we debate technicalities all the time, and yes NT men, we correct each other all the time during heated conversations, and never once one would go drama ie "I don't want to talk with you, you're mansplaining". This doesn't happen between men.

I mean look at AngelRho and rdos for instance, they are still debating on semantics since Ice age.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 21 Dec 2018, 3:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

hurtloam
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21 Dec 2018, 3:32 am

Oh my word this has touched a nerve with Boo 8O

Look guys. NTs aren't as caught up in details as we are. If you think someone is stupid you don't have to go out with them.I'd

But if you want to make friends, or find a partner, debating every tiny detail in life is exhausting to the other person and boring.

Do you want to make friends or always be right about everything.

A know-it-all really puts people off.

I know, I have made this mistake too.



The_Face_of_Boo
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21 Dec 2018, 3:35 am

hurtloam wrote:
Oh my word this has touched a nerve with Boo 8O

Look guys. NTs aren't as caught up in details as we are. If you think someone is stupid you don't have to go out with them.I'd

But if you want to make friends, or find a partner, debating every tiny detail in life is exhausting to the other person and boring.

Do you want to make friends or always be right about everything.

A know-it-all really puts people off.

I know, I have made this mistake too.



You're obviously never been alone among a bunch of NT male friends/acquaintances, talking technicalities (such as in cars or football) is very common among men, it is not just an aspie thing.



hurtloam
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21 Dec 2018, 3:47 am

I dunno. I know this guy who is an over explainer. People tolerate him, but he's not well liked. Even his male friends make fun of him.

I find him interesting. He thinks about stuff. When one of my friends found out I liked him she was like, noooo, everyone finds him arrogant. Why would you fancy him?

It's difficult to communicate with women, I'll give you that. They do not like me correcting what they say and won't debate things. I have a few close friends who will. But in general women don't bond through conflict, they bond through shared interests.

And men certainly don't like a woman who will debate with them. It puts them right off.

Boo, my dear, you do come over as quite condescending. It may hinder you in the dating world and in making new friends.



Last edited by hurtloam on 21 Dec 2018, 3:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

hurtloam
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21 Dec 2018, 3:49 am

[quote="Raleigh"
The OP put the TL;DR version so I assume he went on and on and on about it.[/quote]

This. It's ok to say I disagree. But to go on the offensive and bombard the other person with info isn't how you make friends.



The_Face_of_Boo
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21 Dec 2018, 3:52 am

hurtloam wrote:
I dunno. I know this guy who is an over explainer. People tolerate him, but he's not well liked. Even his male friends make fun of him.

I find him interesting. He thinks about stuff. When one of my friends found out I liked him she was like, noooo, everyone finds him arrogant. Why would you fancy him?

It's difficult to communicate with women, I'll give you that. They do not like me correcting what they say and won't debate things. I have a few close friends who will. But in general women don't bond through conflict, they bond through shared interests.

And men certainly don't like a woman who will debate with them. It puts them right off.

Boo, my dear, you do come over as quite condescending. It may hinder you in the dating world and in making new friends.



What you call 'mansplaining' is something that happens naturally among men, all the time - but apparently there's no special term for that.

hurtloam, so do you want to be treated equally as a man or differently because you're a woman? You should make up your mind, because you were the one who made this pedestal thread.



Quote:
Boo, my dear, you do come over as quite condescending. It may hinder you in the dating world and in making new friends.


hurtloam, my dear, I have a girlfriend.



Raleigh
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21 Dec 2018, 4:18 am

It's still called mansplaining when it's done between guys.

Quote:
In its original use, mansplaining differed from other forms of condescension in that it is rooted in the assumption that a man is likely to be more knowledgeable than a woman.[7] However, it has come to be used more broadly, often applied when a man takes a condescending tone in an explanation to anyone, regardless of the age or gender of the intended recipients: a "man 'splaining" can be delivered to any audience.[2] In 2010 it was named by the New York Times as one of its "Words of the Year".[8]


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hurtloam
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21 Dec 2018, 4:20 am

Wait a minute!

I'm English. The way I and my peers communicate won't be the way other cultures communicate. I should maybe bow out of this thread.

Image

Edited to add image using my laptop. Google browser on my phone is useless for adding images here.

I do find your manner condescending Boo. I'm sorry, but I do. And it's not because I don't want equal treatment, but you do seem to talk down to people.



Last edited by hurtloam on 21 Dec 2018, 7:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

The_Face_of_Boo
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21 Dec 2018, 4:54 am

hurtloam wrote:
Wait a minute!

I'm English. The way I and my peers communicate won't be the way other cultures communicate. I should maybe bow out of this thread.

Image

Why can't I post images. Argggh

Here's the link
https://goo.gl/images/xWrXRS



That is a very brave proposal.

Quote:
I do find your manner condescending Boo. I'm sorry, but I do. And it's not because I don't want equal treatment, but you do seem to talk down to people.


Very interesting. :lol:



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21 Dec 2018, 5:02 am

The sad thing with me is that I'm very stupid compared to the stereotyped Aspie & I'm stupid compared to the average NT too. Correcting people when I notice their wrong & having facts/proof to back it up is a way for me to come off less stupid. I'm not supposed to correct women because NT women don't like that but if I don't NT women think I'm stupid so either way i'm f#cking damned if I do & damned if I don't.


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Raleigh
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21 Dec 2018, 5:21 am

^ Some women can be judgemental cows.
If they don't like being corrected, they deserve to stay stupid.


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SabbraCadabra
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21 Dec 2018, 6:18 am

hurtloam wrote:
Is it not the same with aspies making male friends. If you go too technical and get stuck in obsessing over exactness does that not make it hard for making friends with guys too?

I was going to say the same thing. I've seen other (Aspie?) friends make the same mistake, and I've learned to just bite my tongue and let it go...just because you like to be corrected, doesn't mean other people like to be...especially in a blunt and careless way, as we tend to do.

I mean, if you can find someone who appreciates being corrected, more power to you...but the arguments that usually transpire just aren't worth it in the long run.


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sly279
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21 Dec 2018, 3:27 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Oh my word this has touched a nerve with Boo 8O

Look guys. NTs aren't as caught up in details as we are. If you think someone is stupid you don't have to go out with them.I'd

But if you want to make friends, or find a partner, debating every tiny detail in life is exhausting to the other person and boring.

Do you want to make friends or always be right about everything.

A know-it-all really puts people off.

I know, I have made this mistake too.



You're obviously never been alone among a bunch of NT male friends/acquaintances, talking technicalities (such as in cars or football) is very common among men, it is not just an aspie thing.


I have been. It causes fights, they won’t tslk to each other for a while or they sometimes get into physical fights over it.
It’s quite simple if both people think they’re right and won’t give in it’s going cause issues
If it’s a group who’s more mellow and admits they wrong then one side can give in to the other friendship continues.
It’s why for example people say don’t discuss politics with friends.
My sister gets along with her friends so long as she keeps silent about her political beliefs otherwise they’d fight and not talk.
I’ve lost friends over being right about politicis.



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21 Dec 2018, 3:56 pm

sly279 wrote:
It’s why for example people say don’t discuss politics with friends.
My sister gets along with her friends so long as she keeps silent about her political beliefs otherwise they’d fight and not talk.
I’ve lost friends over being right about politicis.

I'd much prefer to have friends with whom I can respectfully disagree with about things like politics and not have it impact our friendship in any way. I have a friend who's a full-on socialist, goes to protests, flies to another state to attend Marxism conferences, the whole nine yards, and I think socialism is fundamentally flawed, but we have political discussions relatively often when we see each other (admittedly not that much anymore since we both started working), and though we disagree about a range of different political topics, we always still remain friends in spite of that. We've never gotten mad and stopped talking to each other because of a difference of opinion politically, and that's the way it should be.