Is he only playing the Aspie?

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I have been persued by many married men and men in commited relationships and, the men were unable to resist so the responsibility to make the moral decision was mine.
It may sound sexist but in my experience men find it very difficult to resist a sexual opportunity. I know women seduce married men also, but serious flirtation is difficult for the men I know to resist.
That being said Elizabeth, love has no logic and I am familiar with being consumed by it, throwing all caution to the wind.
I have been known to be deeply infatuated, only to realise further down the line that I have created through my yearning for love a script that was more fiction than fact. Have you written here before under a different name? You seem familiar. Wish you wise decisions and happiness.

thank you teach, and no, i am new here (albeit apparently not the only one with these issues )

If it helps I have a married aspie friend who gave out all those signals at the beginning. . . . . . . .he has also done the same with other women I know, but is totally shocked when people say he is leading them on. . . . . . . .for the record also it only lasts for a certain length of time. I think when he feels he knows people enough or properly he doesn’t feel he has to impress. . . . . . But each and everyone of us humans are different. . . . .. . .. I think the intensity you can feel from someone aspie when they are genuinely interested in us can be overwhelming to “normal” folks. . . It can also feel like you are being dropped from a great heigh when that intensity of interest fades. . . . . .. .

Well, he reminds me of me quite a bit, and I've never been unfaithful to anyone in my life (although to be honest I can think of one time when I wanted to be). There's obviously a spark of some kind between you. When that happens, I find the line between friendship and sexuality gets blurred: this sometimes happens even with another male. Fortunately I have slightly more self-control than the gentleman you're describing, but only slightly. I've struggled to refrain from jumping on both male and female friends whom I liked very much, even while sincerely in love with someone.

I would not feel comfortable guaranteeing you that he is on the Spectrum and doesn't mean to mess you around, but I am comfortable in assuring you this COULD be so. And if that spark of genuine friendship is there between you, it would be a shame to walk away from it.

p.s.

Forgot to mention I have NO idea how to flirt, and on the rare occasions a girl has been trying to flirt with me I've missed it completely, yet in a situation where flirtation is the last thing on my mind, sometimes I've been told I was being blatantly flirtatious. I assume because I don't know what the signals are or how to read them, I also don't know if I'm inadvertently giving them out. Even if in theory, at the age of 46, I know some basic rules of social interaction, my processing speed is too slow for me to keep up with events, so self-awareness and self-control can go right out of the window. Again, that isn't necessarily the case with the person you're asking about, but it could be.

I think with AS there can be issues around not understanding the difference between flirting and being friendly, because our understanding of social cues and body language tends to be poor. There can also be confusion between different types of relationship, that is, telling the difference between a platonic friendship and a romantic partnership.

I think (if he is Asperger) there may have been an element of AS-NT misinterpretation. Because to those of us with AS, what we say is usually more true to ourselves than how we act. If he has said he is in a committed relationship, he probably expects you to take that seriously, and not harbour any romantic notions towards him. He may need you to tell him the boundaries that need to be applied to honour that.

Or, he may know perfectly well what he is doing, and is playing you along.

Either way, take care and protect your heart.

Very true. There again, I'm not sure there is even NT-NT consensus about what friendship is. For some it is a rare and special thing, very emotional, for others it doesn't seem to have any meaning or significance. Some people, whether NT or ND, seem to feel a spark, a pull, a magic (I know I do). One NT acquaintance of mine appears to regard this as a symptom of my mental illness (yes, he does view AS as an illness) and says I'm lonely because I'm too choosy; I think he's just shallow and unemotional: he has an implausible number of people he calls friends, none of whom has any more nor less significance for him than any of the others. So when it comes to NT definitions of friendship, it depends which NT you're talking to!

In this case, it sounds like both parties are feeling some kind of a spark, or pull, or magic, so hopefully they can arrive at their own definition (assuming the guy is genuine, which I reckon he could be).

The thing I don't get is that I can't flirt unless I'm comfortable with and attracted to someone. I literally can't.

That's why I get so hurt when guys string me along. It's alien to me to be able to be that comfortable with someone and for it not to be a serious feeling.

My friend thought that I really had a chance with a certain guy because she's literally never seen me be flirtatious and that comfortable with any man.

I understand that this is my own reality I rarely connect with or feel comfortable with others and when I do it's special and this is just how i am. I understand that others are different, but I can't cope with how unserious and how flippant/meaningless it is to others.

I get that people lose interest etc etc heck I do it myself with my own friends, the problem comes regarding the communication of the situation. . . . ..

How do you tell the difference with an aspie if he has lost interest. . . . Or if he still values and respects you as a friend but has just moved onto other matters of interests so has less time to spare for you. Especially if he feels fairly confident in your friendship. . . .. . . ..

I can have this conversation with other friends. However with lovely aspie friend. He would become confrontational, or irritated or misunderstand what I am saying. . . . .

At the moment we are good. I have very little expectations of him. I hope and believe he values our friendship. . . . .but I never REALLy know

I have spoken to his new special friend, and she has had exactly the same problems as me, but she is not so bothered about keeping the friendship going.. . . . .
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