"You don't need a partner to be happy"

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I know it's very annoying when people say that. Regardless if it's true or not you should be able to vent from time to time as you please. It's okay to feel bad from time to time. I hope you will find someone who will make you happy.

Is/was this person a close friend?


Do you think it might be possible that she's afraid that if/when you find a romantic partner, she'll lose you as a friend?

I've heard that a lot of people in today's world tend to lose friends due to changes in marital/relationship status.

Loss of friendship for such a reason is not an inevitable fact of life. It was unheard of among core participants in the oddball subcultures I hung out in when I was in my twenties and thirties.

Nevertheless, it seems to be a common problem amongst what I think of as atomized people, i.e., people whose friendships (if any) are primarily not within the context of some larger but human-scale group (e.g. a religious group, a fraternity/sorority, a professional association, or a small minority subculture of whatever kind) that the people are committed to remaining part of regardless of any changes in marital/relationship status.

My cousin told me I don’t need a girlfriend but it was okay for her to get married and have two kids. I don’t talk to her anymore because of that.

Nope, not a close friend. The other people who say this too me aren't close friends either. I don't really have close friends, maybe one or two.

But you're right, my married friends don't hang out with me anymore.

I have female ex-friends because the bad boys they got involved with disallowed them to have male friends. The surprising thing is that the most recent one called herself a feminist. The guy later broke up with her and she declared that all guys “suck” but she was later upset she didn’t have a boyfriend.
This is a major problem in the culture I live in and it created a stumbling block long before I ever desired to have a relationship. Thanks for nothing, my control freak mother and redneck father.

After the disastrous marriage I was in ended, I had no desire to trust or even be close emotionally/physically to another person. During this time I was resolved to be self sufficient and be everything I needed that traditionally I relied on others for.
I think you have that hurtloam, but you haven't hardened your heart, nor should you. It's part of what makes you 'you'!

Other people put a shield up, so that they can stay well in themselves. Nothing wrong with that either!

I guess they are just different coping mechanisms for different people, but when they project their issues onto others to bolster their own beliefs it becomes an issue.

I feel that when it gets to that point, there is something else at play, something that's eating away at their hard fought for happiness.

I suppose there is some truth in that. I do value my freedom, and I prefer to have love interests that are relatively independent. Still, I can put down a lot of effort on a love interest, but I think my "requirements" have increased. Today, it would be more or less a requirement to have a mind-to-mind communication link / spiritual bond, while that would not have been so important when I was younger.

Nobody needs anything to be happy.

Happiness comes from within. If you are not happy with yourself, then nothing will make you happy -- not partners, not friends, not drugs, not money -- nothing.

Me? I'm happy with myself, all things considered. True, by most people's standards, I am ugly. So what? English bulldogs are ugly by most people's standards, too! Why are they so popular? Because they're affectionate, companionable, easy to get along with, and they don't complain about how ugly they are or how all of the Dobermans and Shepherds are getting all of the Poodles!

And because I'm happy with myself, I can be happy in almost any situation (the after-effects of anesthesia from surgery weren't at all fun, for example).

Don't have a partner? Consider all of the things you can do because you don't have to "check in" with a partner to see if it's okay to do them! Really.

So go live your life for yourself and forget about not having a partner; but if you want to have a partner, then work on improving yourself to the point where you'll attract potential partners without any effort. That's all there is to it.

It's not that easy to attract a potential partner over 35.

I'm employed, live on my own, not fat, ok looking, have interests, im fun aparently, im ok at conversation, well dressed.

This if you want a partner improve yourself is stressful if you're already at a reasonable level. I'm not a depressed person living off my parents, as some young women may be. Ive always got to be better and better and better. I'm good enough. I really am.

Yes I see this in other women.

I think maybe they got married thinking it would make them happy and it didn't.

But I'm older, more independent, more emotionally mature than they were. I've got a head start.

There just no men left.

My last two ex-friends were “oddballs”. The former was a polyamorous bisexual but she didn’t have enough room for me in her relationship network while the latter was a “geek”. I don’t ever want to encounter them again especially since things have not gotten better for me and they would mock me for still being a “loser”. The former wanted me to “get an epiphany” and the latter told me I needed to “get your (referring to me) head out of your ass”.

I agree, by mid thirty or so many un/conventionally attractive men are already in relationships.
Though I think it's fair to say that there are many divorces/relationship break ups and if those people decide to look for a relationship they are more likely to know what they want.
Ever consider dating a single dad or someone from an older age group?
I considered dating women at one point, when I was trying to figure out what was actually important to me in a life partner.

By their mid-thirties, it seems most single people (men and women) are either happily married or bitterly divorced. If you're willing to have a relationship at that age, then don't overlook those who are divorced. Just avoid the crazy ones and you'll do okay.

Belated response - I think 'not needing a partner to be happy' really depends on the person, and it probably has a lot more to do with stable personality traits than just choosing to 'buck up'.

Many divorces happen when people are in their 30's.

Then the people who got divorced find a more mature person----they're tired of all the crap they had to put up with in their 20's.

I like how you added the “un/“ just to sound politically correct.

That’s old tho ha :p.