A suggestion for some (not all) heterosexual autistic men

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Really depends on your depression source, for me for example dating would solve my depression, then I could focus on her, but I can’t go to depression groups anyways.

What if the woman’s also there hoping to meet s guy?
I don’t think it’s automatically predatory. Since people do go to support groups hoping to meet others in similar situations who will understand and be like them.

A common suggestion is guys pretend to like hobbie and go to groups to meet women that seems predatory. Going to a support group hoping to meet someone similar and maybe date doesn’t seem predatory.
It’s alwsy suggested to both genders to go to autism support groups, that’s no different then going to depression groups.
Like autism some people are born with depression and will have it their whole life, should then never be loved and have a relationship?

Kind reminds me how people think small women who look like teenagers shouldn’t be dated and therefor never have relationships or love. That’s not fair. Many believe any woman(or man) dating a autistic man(or woman) like me is predatory. They don’t think disabled people should date or have sex. Let disabled people including depressed women decide for themselves. Some might want to date and might go to the group to get help but also hopefully meet a guy(especial if their depress comes from lack of relationships).

What would be predatory I guess is if a nt non depressed guy went solely to pick up women, like some do to single mom groups etc. but they go to any groups and fake it to get sex.
I say let two depressed people date if they want to it might be good for them, it might lead to them being not depressed. It’s been mostly good for nick.

It’s be good for me, and good for who I dated. Being with her would solve my depression and I’m loving and carrying so I’d help her with hers. Only concern would be once she’s not depress would she still love me

Well said sly. I was gonna ask How is it preying on the weak if your also weak but you've basically said it much better than me.

Sly said = What if the woman’s also there hoping to meet s guy?

No different , she's in the group for the wrong reason and could be f*****g with others in the groups therapy.

Sly said =I don’t think it’s automatically predatory. Since people do go to support groups hoping to meet others in similar situations who will understand and be like them.Going to a support group hoping to meet someone similar and maybe date doesn’t seem predatory.

Peer support is different from trying to get a romantic relationship.

Sly said = It’s always suggested to both genders to go to autism support groups, that’s no different then going to depression groups.
Like autism some people are born with depression and will have it their whole life, should then never be loved and have a relationship?

Most group therapies have rules and guidelines and relationships between group members is usually a no no with most groups

Sly said = I say let two depressed people date if they want to it might be good for them, it might lead to them being not depressed. It’s been mostly good for nick.

It's just my advice Sly , I can't stop anyone. I've given you advice in the past , you ignored it , how did that work out for you

Because people who are weak usually have big issues which they often try to compensate with manipulation , guilt etc because they can be self-preoccupied, self-centered, self-obsessed—and even egotistical and selfish.

Depressed people dwell constantly on self-recriminations about how bad (stupid, ugly, worthless) they are; there is a continual, critical internal voice tearing the person down, questioning every move, second-guessing every decision. . . . People with severe depression appear totally self-absorbed and self-involved. This incessant, negative internal dialogue fills the sufferer with intense shame - sounds like the perfect partner to me

Is it ok for two participants in a group therapy to get into a relationship?

I don't think it would be a good idea to go to a depression support group with the intention of finding a girlfriend. The only way I can see this working is if you're going to the depression support group primarily to get help with your depression, and while you're not actively pursuing a relationship there, you're leaving yourself open to the possibility that you might hit it off with someone there.

I think that if you would still go to the depression support group if it was all guys or older people, then go, but if you're going specifically to meet women to date, probably not a good idea.

Unfortunately, it doesn't appear that there are many genuine avenues for guys like us to meet compatible women who might be interested in us. If you cant meet women through friends and you don't find attending interest groups for the sake if the interest to be appealing, there's not really anything for you.

I don't know, but notice I said "support group," not "therapy group."

Indeed it would be inappropriate to ask people at the meeting itself for dates. And indeed, looking for dates should not be one's sole reason for going.

However, it's probably okay to try to make friends there. At some support groups (including the Aspie support groups I attend each month), some of the members go out for dinner afterwards, and some people then exchange contact info with people they especially enjoyed talking to. If a support group does not already have a habit of having after-meeting dinners, there's probably no harm in (after you've attended a few meetings and gotten permission from the group leader) announcing an open invitation to anyone in the group who wants to join you for an after-meeting dinner.

I would suggest waiting with asking anyone for a date until after one has gotten to know a bunch of people at these after-meeting dinners and via additional contact by phone, email, or social media.

It is taboo for men to have any issues in society. It is ok for us women to have issues because women are fortunate to have support networks that assist us and society is more forgiving towards women with issues. Men are not allowed to have issues and society is unforgiven towards men with issues. That is the way the world is and always will be. Men are supposed to be mentally, physically and emotionally strong and they are told to get over it or to man up or face being mocked/ridiculed by society.

Last edited by Rainbow_Belle on 12 Sep 2019, 2:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

I'm sorry you find this insulting, but I've always more-or-less taken it for granted that the only people I was ever likely to make friends with were fellow oddballs of one kind or another. The harsh reality is that (with rare exceptions) most relatively "normal" (in just about any sense of the word "normal") people prefer not to hang out with, much less form intimate relationships with, people whom they consider "weird" in whatever way.

Additionally, depression often (not always) tends to make people harder to get along with than they would be otherwise. And, of course, autistic people tend to have difficulties getting along with NTs, a fact that follows from the very definition of ASD according to the DSM.

This. Regardless of whether it's "group therapy" or "support group"- and quite frankly it's a semantic difference- it's a terrible idea to go in with an intention of hooking up or thinking that misery loves company will fix everything. And there IS the potential for a person to come off as predatory or insincere: perhaps that woman thinks you (generic you) are trying to be her supportive friend. But really you're trying for a GF, and if that's not what she wants you may "dump" her, leaving her feeling let down and potentially more depressed and cynical than she already is.

you are essentially saying that certain men and women should "settle" for each other because they are depressed and weird, and, hey, sometimes that's as good as it gets.

You can think of it as "settling," or you can think of it has finding someone relatively likely to be a kindred soul.

I personally just don't relate to most "normal" people on a more than superficial level, nor would I expect most "normal" people to be able to relate to me on a more than superficial level. I suppose this is "settling" if a person has always striven to fit in with mainstream society, which I never saw as an option, and I've always been repulsed by a lot of mainstream social norms anyway.

Be that as it may, you seem to think that "certain men and women" shouldn't be seeking a relationship in the first place. That I don't agree with, although I do agree that a relationship involving depressed people can be challenging. It can work well only if both partners are aware of the challenges and committed to finding solutions to make it work.

I don't know how even you pulled that that out of what I said.

Here, you wrote: