Will going too the gym help?

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This sort of rings a bell. Not that I've ever had a wife, but from things people have said to me after the event (or rather, after the NON-event), I have unwittingly missed a few opportunities in the past that were actually being offered to me on a plate. I mean "a few" in the literal sense of "a smallish number", not in the casually understated sense of "loads". But still, if you thought only a handful of people had ever been attracted to you, and then you learn that a whole OTHER handful of people were also attracted to you, doesn't that represent a gain of 100%?


I'm not sure you have sidetracked it. I'm not sure the thread was ever really, purely about going to the gym. What you appear to be proposing is that someone with A.S.D. can, irrespective of his (or her) gym membership and physical attributes, be inherently attractive, purely for who he or she actually IS. And if that is what you're getting at, then I feel you may have a point.

Old-fashioned males such as my humble self still fall headlong into the trap of believing that all men are phallocentric morons and all women are wise and caring and balanced and objective. It's a beautiful myth, but a myth is what it is. Some males can be deep and sensitive. Some females can be ditzy and callous. So, going to the gym may help some men to get some women into bed. And those women are not necessarily shallow: they may be highly intelligent and profoundly emotional and utterly sincere, yet have a bit of a thing about men who go to the gym. Why not?! I've never crossed a girl off my list for failing to resemble Vanessa Paradis, but one who DID happen to resemble Vanessa Paradis would almost certainly be fast-tracked to the top of the list...

So I'm not denying that physical attributes can matter very much to some people, and I'm also not saying those people are necessarily shallow, but it is important to bear in mind that for quite a lot of people, it's who you ARE that is attractive/intriguing/desirable/wonderful, not your physical dimensions (which are inevitably going to deteriorate within the foreseeable future, anyway...).

It is, I gather, more difficult for others to like who you are if you don't, yourself, like who you are. Even so, a few have been attracted to me even while I was busy hating who I was. Still, liking oneself (to a not excessive extent) probably is a good idea, and cannot fail to help. Maybe going to the gym could help you to like yourself, but your true self resides on the inside, not in the external features. You could have a perfect body and yet still be a perfect a***hole. Would you be proud of that? Would it get you the partner you desire?

If you're relaxed and comfortable in whatever body you have, and with whatever personality you have, then actually you're already at a considerable advantage, and that's going to win you admiration.

If not, I wouldn't start at the gym. I'd start by finding myself a really good psychotherapist.

And yes, if you ask, that is what I did do, and it did work.

Absolutely. One of the best looking girls at the gym I go to lifts with a guy who can't possibly be taller than 5"6.

I was 5"11 145 when I started, and I'm pushing 175 now. It makes me feel better emotionally, physically and psychologically.. and of course, more confident. There's many more benefits than just possibly becoming more attractive.

Yeah my mental health does feel better for going too the gym

Well then going to the gym is actually win-win for you!

It can't do your body any harm, from the attractiveness point of view, and if it improves your mental health that also makes you considerably more attractive: many women will consider a man who doesn't go to the gym, but many women certainly will run a mile from a man prone to depression or low self-esteem. I would suggest a good level of mental health is ultimately a bigger asset than physical fitness, but if the latter is also resulting in the former, your prospects must be improving all the time!

Just don’t do anything stupid like taking steroids or anything like that.

It's also good to try not to push yourself too hard at 1st. Ease into the exercising routines some & then gradually increase things. I've known some people who push themselves very hard at 1st & they overdue it & become discouraged & wanna quit.

The answer to the title of your post, is yes


Gym membership always "helps" the gym owner financially

Guys shouldn't force themselves to work out to look more muscular so that women will "like" them any more than woman should starve themselves to be thinner so that men will "like" them.

Which is ironic, because when people harm themselves in order to look more superficially attractive and be more confident, they usually end up living in complete isolation and fear.

True! Reminds me of a motoring journalist's comment on the fitment of the six-cylinder 2200cc engine into the Austin 1800 model: "Only petrol station owners benefited greatly."

However, in this case it actually sounds like going to the gym is enabling the guy to feel mentally better, which I suspect could prove more of an asset to him with the ladies than his newly-muscular body. So he's paying for a service which is benefiting him. I didn't begrudge my psychotherapist the thousands I paid her over the years for turning my life around, because it was a living hell before and now it's ... well, noticeably less hellish, at least! I bet going to the gym is cheaper and easier, and maybe quicker. Good luck with it, I say!

Exactly.

so far going too the gym and changing my body shape is not helping me be be sexually attractive too women Even though mentally I feel better.

When you're mentally happier, that could very well lead to you having it easier to find a suitable person.

Additionally, you're HAPPIER.....that's the most important thing. And you're stronger physically.

One of the reasons why I wanted go too the gym was too build a better body and be sexually attractive but on nights out girls don’t flirt with me.

I suppose when I go out too bars being age 30 puts me a disadvantage since a lot of women who go too clubs are 18 or early 20s.

There are many young women who like older guys.

That's a fact, and has been a fact since the Beginning of Time.

But a bar/club kind of place is not your ideal place--or is it mine.

Too be honest I am not even sure what qualities a man needs too be sexually attractive too the opposite sex?

It depends on the woman.

For one woman, having blue eyes, being blond, and having a muscular body makes him desirable.

For another, having brown eyes, dark hair, and having a thin body makes him desirable.

For another, having green eyes, red hair, and being a little chubby makes him desirable.

To reiterate: it depends on the woman.

There are women out there who wouldn't mind dating a 5 foot 7 guy who weighs 140 pounds.