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In one of the slowest job searches ever, I am looking for a non-black black cat job. It's daunting b/c I have already had three bad experiences and one and half good ones, and two recent bad interviews... Similar to your situation, it's likely I will have a lot more "bad" interviews to find the "good" one. Yuck. Doable (I hope), but yuck.


I find it's often cross cultural relationship in general that benefit some people (especially Aspie) and not the specific culture (or gender). According to references in multiple books Aspies are known for being in "non-standard" relationships - be it culture, socioeconomic, age, etc. I am US and married an immigrant. My Aspie BFF is US and is in a long-term relationship with an immigrant. Being in tech I have many schoolmates that are immigrants from Asia (or 1st generation) and my closest women-friends want to marry outside the Asian community and my closest men-friends want to marry within.


I know if doesn't feel this way, but I suggest "The women I have met so far..." and at least linguistically allow for the positive outcome you want to be out there.


Yes, myself and my Aspies-friends are often told that. Infuriating. Thankfully there are folks who find it valuable (and refreshing).


So sorry. "They" are not for you. Wishing you find the one who is.

Keep your head up. You're probably better off if they are only looking for money. I would assume that if everyone put their true feelings on dating apps no one would date anyone haha. Unfortunately, people online hide behind a false persona and are quick to judge. But, when you meet them and see what their life is all about they are no better than people they want to reject online. I tend to stay off of all popular social media for those reasons. I don't think they are all bad though but i'm sure there are definitely some just looking to get a free ride on others kindness and money. It is frustrating though.

Could you do agricultural labour or farming? If so, you could probably find a job like that now and that would help your prospects. If not, what makes you think that the peasant men who couldn't do the work required of them would be in any better standing with women? I wouldn't know for certain, but I'd imagine that peasants who were unable to keep up with the rest when it comes to working would probably be ostracized and have no dating prospects as a result. The work not done by those peasants would fall on the shoulders of the other peasants, so I'd imagine the peasants who couldn't do much work wouldn't be very popular. If anything, I'd say your odds of finding a woman are better now than if you were a peasant who couldn't handle the workload. A man's ability to produce and provide has pretty much always loosely been correlated with his dating prospects. This isn't a new phenomenon.

You'd have it no better in the era where parents paired and married off their children either, as no woman's parents would marry her off with a guy who can't provide for her.

I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just trying to point out that the idea that you'd have done better with women in the past given your situation is almost certainly not true.

sly279 wrote:

Companionship should be the only value anyone seeks for a relationship.

If you really thought companionship was the only value anyone should seek in a relationship, you'd be open to dating a 62 year-old man, so long as he provided good companionship.

I don’t like you.

Clearly one can’t get romantic companionship with opposite gender ones not attracted to.

Then your standards encompass more than just companionship on its own.

Not liking me isn't an argument against anything I'm saying. If you think I'm wrong, you can feel free to tell me why.

Again, I'm not saying how things ought to be, just how they are. Don't shoot the messenger.

I think what Sly is observing is that he wants to be loved simply for being, which as human beings, that should be the law of the land, but it's not.

Humans are animals, that's all that we are. Nobody dates anyone out of charity, men want sexy beautiful women, women want fit rich guys, these things are nothing new, but it does put a light on something terrible

Why are humans like this? We're just animals, We can build the most magnificent sky scrapers and mechanical engines, but at the end of the day, we're just animals, and we can't love out of charity, we love out of vanity, but that's not love. It's what the animals do, it doesn't mean anything.

I would suggest Sly, that you get into Christianity. If you're not a Christian already. A long time ago, I came to these conclusions, I don't want to be loved for money so I can't pursue money, so to this day, I work on my art every day and i work out everyday to enhance my focus and health for the sake of my art.

You are a disposable male by the lens of this world, so you have to look beyond this world to find your home. You don't belong here, but that's normal. You have a minimum wage job because you don't have money in your heart. To this world you might seem 'odd', but you're actually the normal one -- you don't have money in your heart, so you don't accumulate it, thus the world hates you for it.

18 If the world hates you, understand that it hated Me first. 19If you were of the world, it would love you as its own. Instead, the world hates you, because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. John 15:18-19

24 No one can serve two masters: Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money. Matthew 6:24

Then Jesus said to His disciples, “Truly I tell you, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” Matthew 19:24

This world failed you, sly, time to aim for the next one. This one is no good, let go of it, you don't belong here. Start reading the bible and live to serve God. I myself came to the conclusion that God gave me aspergers to keep me low-statured and away from the nature of this world, I have no choice but to turn my eyes to him because he chose me, and it might be the same for you.

God hates me so he’s tormenting me.

Unrealistic. That is really below average for IT. Еspecially in the US.

God doesn't hate you. Keep in mind that one of the greatest tenets of Christianity is compassion and people who use religion to treat others with cruelty are "Christian" only in name.

I don't think so. Many of the neurodiverse traits are well adapted to farming, especially persistence. It's the current, quite unnatural, social context where everybody must be socially competent that is making NDs become low income or unemployed.



Parents had no problem to marry off their daughters to hardworking, persistent men. They didn't need to be the life of a party, and this even was a negative trait back then.

I still think it needs to be like that to become long-term and beneficial.



No, it doesn't work like that for animals or humans. It's attachment that keeps individuals together, not superficial benefits.

In both of these contexts, my point was predicated on the idea that the man in question can't work/keep up with the workload. Hard-working aspies probably would have had an easier time with dating in both eras mentioned rather than now. I don't think we disagree on anything here.

*Some* men and *some* women (or perhaps even most) but certainly not all.

That's humans, we corrupted love in rebelling against God, and now everyone wants a piece of this world instead of eternity.

8 Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. 9 “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.”

10 Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’[e]”

Matthew 4:8-10




Notice Christ looking up into the sky instead of this world.

The world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God remains forever. 1 John 2:17

36 For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Mark 8:36

Attachment to superficial things is what humans do best. That's why our society is as bad as it is, humans are vain and superificial.



Humans are overwhelmingly this way, hence the situation for people like Sly (whose perspective i come from), the exceptions are so few and far between that it's not really worth even pointing out. Who can love him for simply being? That's not in human nature at all and to find someone that is unlike this world you pretty much have to leave this world behind, hence why I think he should become Christian. The conclusions he's coming to are conclusions that the bible already makes.

Sly I suggest you read the Book of Ecclesiastes from the bible, it's a few short pages of conclusions that you've already drawn. You're following the footsteps of King Solomon who came to these conclusions and wrote them down in the few pages of that book.

It's a very Christian perspective that to the hopeless should go the greatest hope of them all. God made you low to secure you away from this world. This world loves high things because it is high-minded and prideful, hence the chief virtue for the Christian is humility for it is through humility that all the other virtous flow. To escape this world you have to make yourself low.

As the bible says:

But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty; 1 Corinthians 1:27

But many who are the greatest now will be least important then, [b]and those who seem least important now will be the greatest then.[/b] Mark 10:31


This is the paradox that God placed in this world: the least shall become the most; the most shall become the least. Hence your grief is acknowledged but you have to turn it to life. This is the "Godly sorrow" that the Christian must posses:

And now I rejoice, not because you were made sorrowful, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you felt the sorrow that God had intended, and so were not harmed in any way by us. 2 Corinthians 7:9

This isn't our world, this fact makes us sad, but we turn this sadness to anticipation for the next world, which makes us glad. Right now you have the sadness but it's more of a worldly sadness, you can wield that sadness towards life and use it to infuse purpose into your life.

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation without regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 11Consider what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what zeal, what vindication! 2 Corinthians 7:10-11

This world is a failure so its time to set sail on the mayflower and aim for the next world. This one just isn't any good, and Christ is the only one who shows us how to escape it. His words forever immortalized: "If the world hates you remember that it has hated me first."

I wonder if reading the Bible and getting into God might help Sly. It's helped lots of people. There's lots both good and bad in the Bible. I wouldn't apply the standards of ancient times to modern times, for example. I would emphasize the moral facets of the Bible.

I'm an atheist, and I don't believe in God. But I feel like people should be allowed their beliefs.

I do know that "being a Christian" frequently helps in some quarters with friendships and in romance.