Most unhelpful things I have been told

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I was honestly stunned I got so much flack for being interested in girls who are “nerdy/geeky”, especially Boo saying how two I thought were attractive “looked like feminists”. Feminists are honestly the least of my worries in regards to getting a girlfriend. It’s getting past the redneck and bible thumping social trappings that I struggle with the most. The women who want a “good Christian man” think I just told them I murdered someone when I am honest about being non-religious.

Being kind can help a bit if its who you are. But "trying to be nice" could really completely ruin it

Gosh but...that is a confusing statement! I don't understand the quotation marks nor what the difference is between kindness and trying to be nice.


Marknis are u able to swim? If so swimming at local pool at certain timings they have might b a good way to slowly n comfortably get to know ppl. It just occurred to me as I took my son swimming tonight.

don't act nice for any reward. does that make sense?

What in the world is THAT?! It sounds like something straight out of a New Age cult! Which, sadly, everybody and their brother are falling into nowadays. Not to mention, therapists have a vested financial interest in keeping their patients in a miserable state, so they keep coming back "to feel better", only for that to never happen.

So, a therapist is the LAST person I'd go to for any problem, dating or otherwise. I'll benefit a lot more from reading a book or an online forum written by rational thinking people, rather than talking to a quack who talks about feelings ad nauseam, but never teaches anything to make those bad feelings go away. If anything, therapy was the reason I started drinking alcohol at age 12.

But feelings cause problems. Maybe some ppl with ASD or males dont all get that. But i know i live and think in feelings-driven way.


My therapist actually helped me take away bad agoraphobia and self harm tendencies ..like.. Realkt bad. Like venturing out wd lead to shutdowns against my will that messed up my life.

and her help has lasted though I signed off from therapy months ago.

She actually saod she believes I dont need therapy anymore but only to practice the stuff . Cbt etc worked.

Alexithymia is also a thing of course


No vested interests or she wd have not helped me so efficiently n
advised me it was fine to end it.

Well, whenever I told my therapist about my problems, like being mistreated by family, so she could teach me assertiveness tactics or something, she did one or more of these things:
1. Mock me
2. Side with my parents
3. Pretend not to know what I'm talking about
4. Act like my statements are the cutest thing she ever heard

I quickly learned not to tell her anything important, like bullies threatening my life or my parents being on the verge of divorce. Instead, I kept her busy with fabricated issues, like bad dreams that I never got, then faked improvement and acted like her platitudes were the most genius thing I ever heard. For 5 years!

Maybe your therapist sincerely helped you for one or both of these reasons.
1. You knew how to give the "feelings" answers your therapist wanted to hear, and your therapist liked it
2. You were both women (hey why not?)

Last edited by Aspie1 on 20 Feb 2020, 11:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Actually i had a bad therapist of the kind u describe prior he was a man.

You're right that gender does affect professionals in how they approach a person...

Like my old lawyer was a misogynist ...
according to my mom as soon as she saw him she knew he was.. But he was mean towards me but nice to and sympathetic to the MAN even though hr was the one doing bad things and wasnt his client either.

Also doctors and therapists and nurses everyone treats the male (dads l
with more respect n the mom can say the same thing in the same tone n be ignored n belittled but the dad is ALWAYS listened to. Im not just speaking from experience but also from what other parents say.

And it might go the other way too I guess.

Yes I understand. You've had bad experiences with bad therapists. They're not all like that.

From a woman's perspective, "trying to be nice" isn't appealing because we can tell when you are faking it.

Genuine kindness is very appealing.

Acting kind isn't.

If you're only nice to women when you want to date them, but all other women, especially unattractive ones don't merit your time or kindness then that's a huge red flag. Eventually you get what you want from us and stop trying.

It’s pretty simple, lemme explain it to you:

If the guy is handsome and looks well-off, his niceness will be perceived as genuine.
If he’s unattractive, his niceness will be perceived as creepy and fake instead.

It’s evolutionary sexual selection 101.

I thought being nice was putting women on a pedastol when really women want confident men

Well, that can be an aspect if it. A grovelling serf isn't attractive.

Correction:

If the nice man who likes her is hot and successful = “He is a confident man and loves me dearly”.

If the man is ugly = “he is putting me on the pedestal”.


When you are attracted to the person, you would be way more likely to see the way he/she treats you in a positive light, the opposite case is... well, the total opposite.

Yea
Wealth is probably the ultimate factor. Think of rich and ugly and mean men who get really successful social lives

I forgot that this unhelpful idea has been said to me before:

“Chicks like guys who play the guitar!”
Not true at all in my experience. I tried to play my guitar for a girl but she was too busy enjoying having a guy dry hump on her even though she sounded like she hated it at the same time.