What NT Women Want

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I “third” this. The OP has no experience at being autistic, so she can only theorize and make assumptions. While (possibly) well-intentioned, her list is simplistic and takes no account for the innate social awkwardness and physical clumsiness typical of people with autism.

She should first understand and accept that many of us aspies often lack the ability to instinctively communicate subliminally, and instead must consciously simulate the postures, gestures, and facial expressions that NTs use to greater effect. These thought processes induce a delayed reaction that makes our subliminal communications “jerky” or robot-like and sometimes inappropriate. This puts us smack in the middle of the Uncanny Valley, deep in the heart of the Creepzone.

Like other well-meaning NTs who have come and gone from this website, the OP would do well to actually find out what life is really like for those of us on the spectrum before she starts telling us how to become more “normal”.

I can't take this thread seriously. It's shallow and arrogant to lump NT women together in a sweeping hypothesis and presume to have all the secrets to successful relationships. Neither NT nor ASD women are uniform, I can only assume that the OP's knowledge of real women stems from ficticious characters and reading Barbara Cartland . Poppycock.
I know smart women, stupid women, geeky women, creative women, those who are happily married with attractive, unattractive, short, tall, rich, poor, disabled, hitech, lowtech men.

Not every women pouts her lips on Instagram or is looking for good looking rich men. That's just the same as insinuating that NT women are a brainless herd of cattle. Come on!
Perhaps OP is aspiring to be Ricki Lake or an agony aunt in a magazine?

^ This.

In addition, just wanted to add my wife has bluntly told me her criteria for a life-mate:
Intelligent, gentle demeanour, self-deprecating humour, curly hair, no divorce in their direct ancestors for two generations, no history of military service, adores her unconditionally.
Which doesn’t really have much overlap with the OP list...

Thank you. I called out the first thread made by the OP for similar reasons, as it mostly claimed that all NTs make their impressions and decisions based solely on social status and how something makes them feel. I cannot be the only person here who knows that not all NTs are mindless sheep driven solely by instinct, pleasure-seeking and climbing the ladder behaviours.

People are not carbon-copies of each other and are usually way more complex - at least the ones worth knowing

No, women (NT or not) aren't a homogenous lump, but OP's list is pretty general and obvious. To put it opposite, most women will not be interested in a guy who isn't employed (and especially long term), they aren't looking to be the provider of an adult manchild, they prefer someone who will contribute to the home and family if they start one. Women aren't actively looking for someone who looks like a complete mess or has so poor social skills they'll embarrass them in front of family, friends and acquaintances and maybe even alienate them. They're not looking for someone who sets off the creep radar.
Any man who fails that list can hardly complain about being 'forever alone'!

There were only two things on the list that I reacted to:
One, you should definitely do the laundry more than once a month!
Two, while most women would see it as positive that a guy has female friends, a few might be too insecure or jealous. I would personally stay clear of someone who was that insecure or tried to tell me who I am allowed to stay friends with, but whatever.


Very good point! It's so important to be a person beyond being a boyfriend. Neediness and desperation is something that is creepy, annoying and makes one feel smothered and trapped. It's extremely off putting, I know from experience. Sadly I have never been close with any aspie guy who didn't have the neediness, even as friends.

We will have to give her the benefit of the doubt that she is well intentioned. There are plenty of posters with the intention of squeezing money out of this community and the vulnerable men who long for a relationship. I personally don't trust these posts.

I've just had a delicious BLT sandwich with vegan (egg free) mayonnaise.

Stop that stupid bashing!

Not all women are the same way of course. But I'm sh*tty different to nearly all people on this planet.
I have some still unanswered questions because I'm interested in the psychological stuff a bit. I know how I am and a little bit how NTs are. But there are things I still don't understand because there are lots of common social and emotional aspects which are quite alien to me. Your bashing 'how can she dare to talk this way' doesn't help to understand them. If you know it better - fine. But then stop the bashing and provide your wisdom instead!

What she wrote are only common suggestion for the ones who have problems to get in a relationship. But I'm still lacking the point how average women see themself and other women towards guys.
And why they like the ones who are an agressive sh***y way towards the guys they are just flirting with. Are women really unable to feel love? Does loyality to her partner count nothing for a woman? There are not even few NT women who flirt with strangers just for causing trouble to their partners. Why?

^ In pursuit of your request to share the benefit of experience of managing to get it together with women, I’ll give what I think are the two most important pieces of advice I can:

• 1: stop trying to get with women. Instead just focus on having female friends: if you develop the habit of making women feel respected & liked as people foremost by listening to them eventually one, or more, of them will proposition you.

• 2: learn to cook. You don’t have to be a great chef or anything like that, just displaying the ability & will to care for yourself and share domestic chores is also, in my experience, very attractive.
(This obviously only comes into play after the point above).

By applying the first point at uni I had two one-night stands, one of which I was summoned by telephone late at night by an older woman!

Adding point two sealed the deal with both a long-term girlfriend in my twenties and later with the gorgeous girl who is now my wife.
It also led to a brief but happily remembered affair with another older woman I met on my uni course.

I agree wholeheartedly. Yes, the OP is generalizing NT women, but guess what, that's how the majority of women are, and that's who she's talking about. We all know exceptions of NT women who are not interested in the posted items and don't care as much about superficial things, but they are the minority. Yes, some women like beards--"some" not most. If you've been to high school, college, the mall, work, coffee shops, or anywhere outside, you can observe that "most" women are generally the same and share the same interests. She's trying to help us understand what most of the NT women look for, and that gives us a higher chance of connecting with "most" women. I appreciate her post.

Anyway, I agree with the dressing well point. Of course your clothes should be clean and without stains. I would go even further to say on the first few dates, dress a little nicer than you normally would but still in your comfort zone and style. You want to impress her on those first dates, and she's doing the same to look good for you as well. After a few dates when you're comfortable with each other, you can begin to dress down.

I think the OP means well but is generalizing about what NT women want & there's been LOTS of heated arguments in the past on this forum when guys made these generalizations about women. Also the OP is failing to grasp just how difficult it is for some guys on the spectrum to do some of those things. The OP mentions how we need to have our sh!t together in life in various ways including having a job but it is impossible for some on the spectrum to have a decent job. It may be possible for LOTS of us to work at a decent job but it is very difficult for some of us to get hired for those jobs especially in today's economy with high unemployment & even higher underemployment. It's very hard for some of us on the spectrum to find jobs since we don't network well & don't make good 1st impressions, especially at interviews. Also lots of us on the spectrum have other disabilities besides autism that can make working & driving impossible for us. In my experience trying to conform to what the steortypical guy is supposed to be is impossible & some of us need to accept that & instead try to find alternative ways to attract the opposite sex instead of trying to attract NT women the way most guys do. In my case it took me trying to meet a woman on the spectrum who was also on disability. Some Aspie guys had success getting women from other cultures.

Different neurotypical women want different things

The same woman might change her desires

Some desires are subconscious,

Different women find different things "creepy"

Following your instructions (or any other directions), does not guarantee a wife or girlfriend

Every situation is different

None of this seems to address the double communication problem which can be a significant barrier to establishing a relationship.

AS people say what they mean, and if they say "Let's have dinner some time" that is literally what they mean. NTs will say things like this in order to flick people off, without any literal integrity.

NT people will say, "Yes, that's interesting" when they mean exactly the opposite. AS people will interpret such a comment as genuine, and think "she/he is interested in that" and be encouraged to continue.

These are just two small examples of many such examples of talking past each other.

All the grooming in the world doesn't address this core problem of double communication. Until either NTs decide to say what they mean or AS people learn to decode the insincere NT messages. However generally NTs expect AS people to make the accommodations, not themselves, to expect AS people to act like pretend NTs. NTs basically don't care about people different from themselves in social situations (nor work situations).

So "disabled" people are admonished or excluded or ignored for being disabled, and again, no grooming product will fix the general character of NT expectations and "rules". Suggesting that appearances etc will fix this is going to set up people to fail.

Nothing guarantees anything.

^ and that’s ultimately the deciding question in any AS-NT relationship:
Can this particular pair of humans find a mutually liveable complex of bilateral compromises, or not?

I’ve done a relationship where we both failed each other, it was worse than being single & lonely.

The argument behind this is that back in the day a man had to have a stable job, own his own place, and a car because women could not work, couldn't own any property, and(well cars didn't exist back then).

Men weren't trained to cook, clean, or take care of kids cause as boys they were out working in the fields or doing other manual Labour. If women can work and own property then why is there a requirement for men to have to have a job, house, and car? Couldn't he just live with you and help around the house and take care of the kids(or help around the house if no kids are present)? Just cause you don't have those things doesn't mean the person is irresponsible or lazy, maybe the workforce just isn't for them.