The word "homely"

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P.S. Maybe I didn't explain clearly the bigger point I am trying to illustrate with the whole "homely" thing. I think -- as aspies -- you would be able to relate to the bigger point once you see what it is.

Yes, I understand the concept of using dictionary meaning for words. But lets say you don't know the dictionary meaning of the word "tree". You are not going to be able to guess what "tree" is -- you would have to look it up. But if you don't know the dictionary meaning of the word "homely" -- then yes, you will be able to guess what it is -- and your guess would be wrong. So that is the aspect that I find frustrating: that this word will mislead people that are not part of the "club". Yes, the "club" includes most Americans -- but "most" doesn't mean "all" -- for example, I was out of that "club" until 2 days ago.

Now, here is the connection with Asperger that I see Just like the word "homely" can be understood in a totally different way by someone who is not part of the "club", in the same way various social graces can "also" be understood in a totally different way by someone who is not in a club. Now, if you follow me so far -- wouldn't you agree with me that being "out of the club" in terms of meanings of social graces is one of the KEY aspects of Asperger? As aspies, wouldn't you agree that you encountered analogues of that situation? No, not the word homely apparenlty -- but some analogues of it? When you "think" this or that is a good sign when everyone else -- except for you -- know its bad? Didn't you find it frustrating when you encountered those situations?

Just apologize for calling her “homely”—and be done with it.

I already knew that homely means ugly, but it definitely doesn't sound like that's the meaning of the word. I was very surprised when I learned it years ago.
Homely sounds so nice!

Sorry. Didn't read your whole thing.

And actually it IS a curious word when you think about it.

Its not obvious from the sound of the word why you would apply it a human person in the first place ( and not to the person's furniture in their living room). And I agree that its not obvious why it would mean "unattractive".

Like your friend on the Net, I am a native speaker of American English, and like her when I was a little kid I probably had to study how grownups used the word for a long time before I was confident as to what it meant. But there are many words like that. Probably in your native language too.

Another word like that is... oddly enough.... a word that means almost the exact opposite. AND ...oddly enough...a word the rhymes with the word in question.

The word is "Comely" (pronounced "comb-lee").

Comely and homely.

A comely person is alluring, attractive, hot, or at least "conventionally well groomed". But its not obvious from the sound of the word that it means that.

And like "homely" its a bit archaic, and like homely, native born children, and foreign born grownups probably usually do hafta take extra effort to pick up the meaning of it.

But words mean what they mean. You cant just decide to use them in some other way. You cant just decide that nickels are worth more then dimes just because they are bigger than dimes (so it makes more sense to you that they SHOULD be worth more). Your local shopkeepers are not gonna go for that. Just like potential dates on the web are not gonna go for you using them as word usage guinea pigs.

In North American English, the word “homey” means what you thought/think “homely” means.

My sense tells me that yes, you can apply it to human, just in a positive way instead of negative. To me "homely" means something you can derive comfort from -- like you are comfortable at home. And you can derive comfort both from the furniture "and" from people. Of course, those are very different kinds of comfort, but they are both comfort. So I would use it in both cases -- but as I said I would always want to use it in a positive way rather than negative.



Well, at least that word doesn't look like its derived from the other word the way homely looks like it derived from the word "home". The fact that you can mis-hear "h" and "c" I have less issues with. At least the two letters are different -- whether you can confuse them or not. But with "homely" it has the *exact* word "home" in it, without any letter alterations, thats why I feel its unfair.

Are you saying that in North America it *is* a good word, after all? Because others, who were saying its bad, were also referring to North America. Could it be the difference between America and Canada, or even between different states of the US?

I already said that I didn't call her homely. I was *going* to -- but ended up not doing it.

What I did instead was I asked her a question "IF I were to call you homely would you have been upset" -- and I asked her this *after* telling her the issues I have with that word, not before. So she knew it was a hypothetical.

You fail at relationships because you're a jerk.

Two different words! In North America “homey”, no “l”, is good. “Homely”, with the letter “l”, is not generally a positive descriptive word.

In north America if you are talking about a person's living room, and want to compliment them on how comfy it looks, you can say it looks "homey". Not "homLey". No L. "Homey".

"Homey" is good. Its the same idea as your notion of what "homely" should mean. Except that its not applied to people. Just to furnishings in a house.

And its not to be confused with the noun "homie" ( a guy who grew up in your neighborhood).

Well said.

the male form of the word (directed at males) is "unconventionally attractive." but i concede that is meant as more of a euphemism for homely.

I think “unconventionally attractive” sounds interesting! (In a good way).

that is putting a positive spin on it i wonder why that phrase has only been used for men?

Actually, when I learned that "homely" is a bad word, I learned it in context of describing men. In particular, I was reading the following article https://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archi ... py/277256/ and I read the quotes



as well as



What especially shocked me is that -- since the word "homeliness" implies comfort -- how can it possibly be creepy when creepy is the opposite of comfort? So now I have three different questions:

1. Why is homeliness unattractive on the first place? I thought it should be attractive

2. Why is someone who is unattractive perceived is creepy? Why would bad appearance imply bad behavior?

3. How can "homely" be "creepy" anyway? Homely = "comfort", creepy = "lack of comfort".

But in any case, back to what you were saying, apparently "homely" is being used negatively in case of men too, not just women -- as evident by that article.