Girls losing interest making me feel suicidal

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28 Jul 2020, 4:39 am

Jamesy. You maybe feeling low but do not worry. It is a matter of patience. Now go and enjoy yourself until you stumble upon the right lady for you!

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The Grand Inquisitor
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28 Jul 2020, 7:17 am

magz wrote:

To the OP: feeling suicidal may have a multitude of causes and it is possible that rejection by a woman is just something culturally acceptable that surfaced about it.

A good therapist to help you identify possible other factors would be of enormous value.

Suffering relentless rejection and perpetual failure to gain traction in finding a romantic partner over a period of many years (especially when you've never had one) is a conceivable reason to feel suicidal. There are more of us here who feel that way, but you're probably not going to understand if you've never experienced anything similar.

I wouldn't appreciate it if I explained how I feel suicidal as a result of a perpetual inability to attract a romantic partner and establish a romantic relationship, with no reason to believe I won't struggle with this my whole life, only for people to insinuate that that's not a good enough reason to be suicidal. I'd interpret that as a dismissal of my pain.

smudge
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28 Jul 2020, 7:28 am

You're 23.

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Steve1963
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28 Jul 2020, 7:39 am

smudge wrote:

You're 23.

So at what age do you feel his feelings would be justified?

The Grand Inquisitor
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28 Jul 2020, 8:01 am

smudge wrote:

You're 23.

I'm sure this won't make any difference to your perspective, but I'm turning 24 in less than 3 weeks.

Steve1963 wrote:

smudge wrote:

You're 23.

So at what age do you feel his feelings would be justified?

Excellent question.

Most people have had a string of relationships by 23. Especially those with as intense an interest in them as I have

I think you also have to take into consideration what age the individual began to take an interest in the opposite sex and relationships. In my case, I matured pretty early and started taking a hormone-fueled pubescent-level of interest in relationships at the age of 12. So I've literally been suffering with this for more than a decade, and for half my life. Why should I be optimistic with the precedent set in the last 12 years?

If my 15 year-old self knew that 9 years later, I'd still never have had a relationship and experienced what it's like to be in love, I most probably would have killed myself back then.

magz
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28 Jul 2020, 8:20 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

magz wrote:

I absolutely didn't mean "not a good enough reason to be suicidal" and if I came across like that, I'm sorry.
I have been suicidal over constant rejection, not only romantic.
What I'm trying to tell is, at least in my case, rejection turned out to be just a tip of an iceberg of the emotional mess below - definitely making it much worse.
But you can't force other people to accept you. However, you can try to sort out your feelings and see what comes out of it.

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kraftiekortie
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28 Jul 2020, 8:41 am

You have all the equipment necessary to find a nice, mature woman, Inquisitor.

Your main problem might be lack of access, rather than a character flaw within you. You’ve stated that yourself.

Jamesy
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28 Jul 2020, 9:02 am

The worst part of it is then seeing photos of the girls who have ‘lost interest’ in me on social media sites like Facebook and Instagram.

It’s just like a painful reminder

magz
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28 Jul 2020, 9:26 am

Jamesy wrote:

The worst part of it is then seeing photos of the girls who have ‘lost interest’ in me on social media sites like Facebook and Instagram.

It’s just like a painful reminder

After breakups, I tended to break all the links with my exes, to make it easier for both of us.
I know a person who genuinely can "still be friends" with his past crushes but I think it's extremely rare and requires enormous emotional stability.

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Fnord
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28 Jul 2020, 10:33 am

magz wrote:

After breakups, I tended to break all the links with my exes, to make it easier for both of us. I know a person who genuinely can "still be friends" with his past crushes but I think it's extremely rare and requires enormous emotional stability.

I practically invented "ghosting" -- after every break-up, I would cut off all contact. Later, some of them would "accidentally" run into me just to ask me how I was doing, if I was seeing anybody, who she was, et cetera.

Which brings up another puzzle ... Why someone would travel 50+ miles one-way to be at a specific place, at a specific time, just so they could try to re-connect after they had dumped me is something I have never fully understood.

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Steve1963
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28 Jul 2020, 10:34 am

Fnord wrote:

Why someone would travel 50+ miles one-way to be at a specific place, at a specific time, just so they could try to re-connect after they had dumped me is something I have never fully understood.[/color]

must be your charm

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28 Jul 2020, 10:37 am

Steve1963 wrote:

Fnord wrote:

must be your charm

More like their apparent obsessions with playing mind-games like "Yo-yo", "Boomerang", and "Stay Away Closer".

magz
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28 Jul 2020, 10:46 am

Fnord wrote:

magz wrote:

After breakups, I tended to break all the links with my exes, to make it easier for both of us. I know a person who genuinely can "still be friends" with his past crushes but I think it's extremely rare and requires enormous emotional stability.

Social media make it easier :mrgreen:

You don't need to make this 50+ miles trip, just a click...
Social media help perpetuating pathologies :/

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Pepe
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28 Jul 2020, 3:44 pm

magz wrote:

Pepe wrote:

magz wrote:

How about a park? A beach? A Yoga class? Board games? A concert? I gather the OP is not one of the people content with staying at home with a book.

Exercise, lose weight, dress well, have a positive attitude.

Find a sport you can enjoy, limit crap food, wear a style that boosts your confidence, do more of the things that make you happy

Learn hypnosis.
Girlfriend problem solved.

Pepe
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28 Jul 2020, 4:04 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

magz wrote:

Do you want to swap lives with me when I was your age?
I don't think you do. :wink:

"I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet".

And,

"You Call That A Knife? *This* Is A Knife!"

Your weight loss is amazing and undoubtedly would have boosted your self-confidence and self-esteem greatly.
Why do you sound so angry?

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

I wouldn't appreciate it if I explained how I feel suicidal as a result of a perpetual inability to attract a romantic partner and establish a romantic relationship, with no reason to believe I won't struggle with this my whole life, only for people to insinuate that that's not a good enough reason to be suicidal. I'd interpret that as a dismissal of my pain.

At 23 you have experienced the pain of futility?
A profound sense of hopelessness?
I see. :chin:

"The sign said 'Smile, things could be worse. So I smiled, and sure enough, it did.'"

To be clear,
My life now is the best it has ever been.
That doesn't mean I haven't experienced certain "difficulties", in my past.

I don't suspect I have a greater perspective on life than you have.
I know it.

If you want to take things outside, I accept. :twisted:

<joke>

Jamesy
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28 Jul 2020, 4:10 pm

I mean when you get to age 30 and have women like you one minute then rejected you the next all your life and you have to live with that pain......well there comes to a point when you think to yourself why not end it all.

The problem is though is me having the courage to take my own life which currently I do not have.

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