Can you control NOT falling in love with someone?

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I’m not talking about me getting together with Amygdala

But I had crushes on smart girls like that when I was young.

I would really dig a woman with thorough knowledge of the amygdala. This guy’s missing out!

I think the point is that if we have all invested emotional energy into a relationship at least once in our lives where the other person has not been entirely honest/open about their intentions.

You need to be mentally and emotionally prepared when and if this doesn't work out. Orthodox religious families have a strong pull on their children and you are competing with 1000s of years of tradition. I think the signs are already there that you should move on but at the end of the day that's your decision to make not any random person on WP.

I'm afraid its all part of growing as a person.

I just hope you don't invest 4 years into something that doesn't pan out.

Yes,
You are young and will learn from the experience.
I just hope you don't invest 4 years into something that doesn't pan out.

You do realise that 23 is a bit young to start building a brooding nest, right?

Personally, I'd recommend you "sow your wild oats" to gain life experience, also.

No it's not young, it would take at least 3 years to build that nest.

Average age of first-time mothers up to 29.9 years. https://www.cbs.nl/en-gb/news/2019/19/a ... 29-9-years

Baby making usually happens when the woman is in her thirties, these days, doesn't it?

Well yeah, I was talking about marriage, not baby making, that latter can wait.

Marriage may make you more financially stable if he's significantly wealthier than you. Marry him, divorce, and grab half his money ==> Financial stability!

Also I am sure I will be very wealthy once i am in my mid 30s.

Hey guys,

Please weigh in on my situation and offer your advice, I would deeply appreciate it.

In May I started seeing this guy B. I felt a strong attraction. B is emotionally intelligent (unlike me), funny, treats me well and sex was AMAZING. We started hanging out all the time and about a month in, he broke things off with me out of the blue and was being ambiguous about his reasoning. I was devastated.

I went no contact and put myself back together. About another month went by, he came back and said he wanted to hook up with me. I rejected him, and then he told me the reason why he broke things off with me was that he was trying to find someone Jewish to get married to. I am not Jewish. But I started sleeping with him again after his confession, because I appreciated him being honest and thought the ethnicity issue won't be serious until we actually get into a relationship and think about marriage. On the back of my head, I was thinking that, once the initial infatuation wears off, it would be easy for me to walk away and I didn't really think we would make it long term anyways (we have v different values, personalities, friend groups and interests). I thought we were just going to burn out quickly.

It's been two months since we hooked up again. Things have turned romantic, we hung out with friends and took a short trip together. The infatuation chemical withdrawal indeed happened, but I realized that excitement was replaced by a warm, familiar feeling when I see him. I feel like I know where this is going - I might fall in love with this guy if things drag on. I didn't mind we are so different, the feeling is real and somewhat irresistible. I tried smoking weed, hanging out with friends and focusing on my own life issues, but when I get a second, the feeling comes right back.

The problem is, I just took two years off from dating because I wanted to reflect on myself and get into a stable long term relationship. The Jew/None Jew issue is going to prevent us from dating although we like each other. I have been hurt deeply by a couple of men before and I don't want to go down that road again, it would further traumatize me and make dating even harder. It is my primary goal to be in a healthy long term relationship, and I will sacrifice whatever I need to.

At this point, I am thinking about confessing these feelings and telling him that it will be strictly sex from now on (no talking about our personal lives and hanging out with friends). I don't feel strong enough to just break things off completely.

***I can't really speak for his commitment to finding a Jewish girl, since I was not raised in this context. He said he won't be able to fight the pressure from his family, and somewhere in me I feel like that is partially an excuse - it is a traditional value that he deeply believes in but is too shy to admit (he appears v progressive, liberal etc). He mentioned a couple times that it might take several years for his parents to accept, and when I said I wanted to potentially move to Germany, he said he is curious about Berlin. But I suspect he is just people pleasing and sending mixed signals without an intention to commit.

My questions are:
How should I have this conversation with him? Is there another creative solution to this situation? What would you do in this situation?

Thank you for your time and answer.