Are women blind, or super-vigilant, or both?

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cyberdad
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23 Sep 2020, 10:17 pm

QFT wrote:

So I guess to sum it up, 99% of women say "the big picture is you are a loser so we don't care about anything you do". But the other 1% say "the big picture is you are a great person" but then two weeks later they say "oh this one little detail made me think I was wrong in that big picture, goodbye". Both of these situations are frustrating, but in totally different ways. And sometimes I wonder whether they are two sides of the same coin or two separate phenomenon. Even though I would be frustrated in both cases, since these are different brands of frustration, thats why I want to know which one it is.

So to address your 1%. You need to play to your strengths (so your intelligence).

If you are insecure about how you will be judged then play the role of a good listener and learn to keep the focus on the girl (they do like that).

If you really like the girl and they talk about how they love flowers - then paraphrase them - it shows them you are listening to what they are saying
e.g. "Oh QFT I really like poppies"
"That's nice Jenny" "My aunt Doris also loves Poppies and grows them in her front yard"
"Oh QFT that's really interesting" (opportunity here) are they red violets?
"I'm not sure" "red violets sound really pretty" (maintain eye contact here) they seem to be a pink variety"

"I see pink flowers in abundance in spring time they look like carpet that I can roll around in"

"Yeah Jenny I like the way pink flowers are like carpets" I wish I could could get pink flowered carparts for real in my apartment on campus....etc etc...

So you see how paraphrasing (underlined) and staying on topic that interests Jenny and strategically using eye contact and attention play a role in keeping the girl interested in you....

So make use of that intellegent brain to formulate a suitable strategy, Of course be authentic (don't pretend too much) reveal some of the real you to the girl but do it in small doses to start off with.

Feyokien
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23 Sep 2020, 10:25 pm

QFT wrote:

Fnord wrote:

Women are not meant to be understood.

They are meant to be loved.

But why does it have to be a choice between them being loved and them being understood? Why can't it be both? In fact, understanding and love should be two things that work together, bringing the two people close to each other. A love without understanding is a really shallow type of love, don't you think?

Because that sentiment is incorrect. Women can be both loved and understood. The most successful relationships are built on both.

!	Feyokien wrote:
	Lets tone down the sexist language people. Women are not another species and there are those on this website that really do not appreciate those sentiments.

QFT
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23 Sep 2020, 10:30 pm

Feyokien wrote:

QFT wrote:

Fnord wrote:

Women are not meant to be understood.

They are meant to be loved.

Because that sentiment is incorrect. Women can be both loved and understood. The most successful relationships are built on both.

If thats what you say then I actually agree with you, in fact in the post you quoted I was saying the same thing. It was Fnord who seems to disagree with you, not me.

Which leads me to the new question: what would be your perspective on how to make sense of the situations I encountered?

Pepe
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23 Sep 2020, 10:37 pm

Fnord wrote:

No, my concern is that you appear to be upset because you do not understand women.

Women are not meant to be understood.

They are meant to be loved.

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QFT
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23 Sep 2020, 10:41 pm

cyberdad wrote:

QFT wrote:

Thats a good point. In fact, it is true that I talk about myself a lot more than about others and this is one of the main negative feedback I am getting -- including the woman in Example 4. However, if I look at Example 3, in this case -- strangely enough -- that woman complimented me on the fact that I am the only person who shows a true interest in what she has to say. I say "strangely enough" because, in her case, too, I was talking about myself a lot more than about her. Well, I guess I "did" talk about her some (in fact I was even asking her about her medical and psychological problems). But that doesn't change the fact that I talked about myself more than about her. I don't know exact numbers but, lets say, we talked 5 hours a day, and out of those 5 hours I talked about her for 1 hour and about myself for 4 hours. But the thing is that -- whatever it was -- she clearly liked this, as evident by the fact that she *continued* to talk to me for that long. But then when I did that little "I don't care" misphrasing, then suddenly she did a complete U-turn. So are you saying that this was sort of building up and that misunderstanding was a last straw? But if thats the case, why did she talk to me for 5 hours a day before that last straw actually happened?

cyberdad
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23 Sep 2020, 10:43 pm

Feyokian can you get rid of that damn exclamation mark as each time you post it looks like you are shutting down a thread

Pepe
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23 Sep 2020, 11:15 pm

cyberdad wrote:

Feyokian can you get rid of that damn exclamation mark as each time you post it looks like you are shutting down a thread

It doesn't stop me.
Doesn't even slow me down.

The_Face_of_Boo
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23 Sep 2020, 11:20 pm

cyberdad wrote:

Feyokian can you get rid of that damn exclamation mark as each time you post it looks like you are shutting down a thread

It looks like he’s about to drop a nuke.

Feyokien
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23 Sep 2020, 11:39 pm

QFT wrote:

Yes I was agreeing with more affirmative language. Hm let me examine the situations. I'm probably going to repeat what others have said...

Example 1
I may need more context, but it sounds like this person was looking for an "equal", i.e. another 'successful' graduate educated individual that's 'going somewhere' (job). What do you mean by 'multiple grad schools'? You may very well have failed this persons criteria for dating in the initial stage of texting because you expressed apprehension about entering the workforce. It made you a financial gamble in their eyes. I don't think changing the word 'hide' would resulted in a different outcome like others have stated.

Example 2
Like others said, I think she was looking for an exit. First impressions are important and ranting at her for whatever reason after only texting for two hours probably killed it after she had some time to think about it. She was probably looking for an exit. I wouldn't get bogged down on her exact wording.

Example 3
This

NorthWind wrote:

'I don't care what you appreciate' is simply a very impolite thing to say. And you saying 'I don't care what you appreciate' may prove that you care enough to get angry, but it does not prove that you care about her the way she wants you to care about her.

I don't have the full context so I can't say exactly why she said "I appreciate you trying to work through this". Could have been genuine because you were thinking of alternatives to finding work in theoretical physics. A statement of approval.

Feyokien
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23 Sep 2020, 11:51 pm

cyberdad wrote:

Feyokiaen can you get rid of that damn exclamation mark as each time you post it looks like you are shutting down a thread

It's an official moderator message. Its meant to catch all your eyes and not be missed. If I was shutting the thread down it would say "Thread locked" and the thread would be locked.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

It looks like he’s about to drop a nuke.

The Enola Gay hasn't even left the runway.

Back on topic....

cyberdad
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24 Sep 2020, 12:17 am

Feyokien wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

Feyokiaen can you get rid of that damn exclamation mark as each time you post it looks like you are shutting down a thread

It's an official moderator message. Its meant to catch all your eyes and not be missed. If I was shutting the thread down it would say "Thread locked" and the thread would be locked.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

It looks like he’s about to drop a nuke.

The Enola Gay hasn't even left the runway.

Back on topic....

Ok F e y o k i e n....but it's kind of like ACHTUNG!

Lunella
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24 Sep 2020, 12:55 am

The best way to keep a woman is to literally just listen to her and understand what she is saying. A woman wants attention and adoration.

My husband and I are best friends, we get each other on that level first and foremost, then the rest falls with it.

If you can't even be friends to someone then how are you gonna expect to be their life partner? You have to be on the same wavelength or you'll just lose interest and get stressed.

We're quite a traditional couple, many women would say I'm being oppressed or whatever but I'm totally not - he sorts the money I sort the home and the food. Literally no problems, we don't argue. He tells me every single day and night that he adores me and I'm his dream woman. Traditional just works in my opinion.

When you both talk on that level the relationship is a magical thing. But it's all about communication, you cannot be in a sucessful relationship without it, simple as.

We have hundreds of expensive sports cars in our business, ferarri's, lamborgininis, really bigass limos, I never show off about it though I just support him - and with that support he's running this business into a successful empire from what it was years back. He always says this business wouldn't be what it was without me. Having the communication and support from a life partner sorts your entire life out because it makes you happy and you're happy to work harder - but a lot of people look at it in the wrong way and that is often where you are going wrong. A woman isn't there to just be with you, she's part of your life experience and has her own skills to help you get ahead and you help her with whatever she needs.

A lot of men seem to take women for granted also, but like by doing that you're just playing with someones emotions and it's a means to an end already. If you can't truly love someone on the level you can communicate with them about literally everything what are you even doing with them other than wasting their time?

My husband will literally tell me the slightest thing wrong in his life and we will try to resolve it, like I think a while ago I was biting a fork and it was really irritating to him but he stopped and told me about it in a nice endearing way and didn't just ignore it - he said it's going through him so I never did it again. It works like that both ways, any little thing you communicate about it otherwise when you start to let things go and ignore problems thats when it gets worse and worse and you start to lose hold of each other.

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cyberdad
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24 Sep 2020, 1:33 am

@Lunella

The part the single boys here on WP are having a problem with is approaching/meeting/talking to girls.

In QFTs case its maintaining a relationship with the 1% of women who are willing to talk to him.

So its converting the meet/greet into a conversation and where they are having problems is converting the conversation into a date.

I think if a girl was willing to give them a chance they would be happy to be friends but no girl is giving them a chance,

QFT
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24 Sep 2020, 1:38 am

Lunella wrote:

In my case I am not looking for a traditional family (I try to push the women I date to go to college whenever there seems to be the remotest chance they might agree) but -- apart from that -- I agree with you that it is important to be best friends with the person you date and to develop communication. In fact, this is one of the main things I am missing -- someone to be there for me -- and this is one of the main things I want to get out of the relationship. But the saddest part is that nobody outside my head seems to realize thats what I am looking for. And, as far as communication, I also agree with you that communication is super-important. In fact, each time other people accuse me of being argumentative (which is what all four of those women did) what I am actually trying to do is *communicate* -- in particular, I would like to *communicate* where they misunderstood me and I would like them to *communicate* back to me their feedback as I keep trying to explain myself. But, unfortunately, others don't take it as communication, they take it as arguing. And that is what hurts me so much. When I am looking for companionship and communication, others see me as obsessive and argumentative, and so my deep earnings for companionship and being understood go unfulfilled.

QFT
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24 Sep 2020, 1:40 am

cyberdad wrote:

Exactly.

Pepe
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24 Sep 2020, 1:41 am

Feyokien wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

Feyokiaen can you get rid of that damn exclamation mark as each time you post it looks like you are shutting down a thread

It's an official moderator message. Its meant to catch all your eyes and not be missed. If I was shutting the thread down it would say "Thread locked" and the thread would be locked.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

It looks like he’s about to drop a nuke.

The Enola Gay hasn't even left the runway.

Back on topic....

Back off topic:

I don't know why people thought you were going to lock the thread. :scratch:

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