SURVEY To Male Aspies, What Do You Seek in a Partner?

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Thats right. Someone who you are in love with, have fun with and can trust on. Someone who is worth to be protected because of the whole way she is.

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Great suggesting...I wish i had provided that option ..Did not cross my mind until you mention it...

a strong equal balancing force for facing the world together, intellectual sparring partner, closest friend, guiding light to remain respectfully & respectably aligned, and to share perceptions bridging one unlike any other.

I’ve been told that I’m “too nice,” too.

LMAO!

Yes.

I would also like to add, even though it sort of comes automatically from the above three, that a woman who fully knows herself and is brave enough to be it.

Disclaimer: I am married, so I will list what I found in my wife when we met: She is intelligent, educated, talented, kind, compassionate, thoughtful, respectful, and trustworthy.  She also loves me and likes me for who I am.

Not something easy to seek, except through the dirty tee-shirt exchange dating service, but it is very important for little old nerve zero to decide that the partner smells nothing at all like mother. If both have a strong non-match, that's great. If there's a serious imbalance, one partner holds all the power. If there's a very serious imbalance, seeking leads to a restraining order.

My first prerequisite now is that the woman is not my ex-wife.

Second, is that the woman is not into "magical" or "ritual satanism" (kind of kills the relationship when your wife keeps trying to sacrifice you to the devil, especially when it is to please the men in her "covern" who she is trying to murder you in order to please.

Yes...

When that type of thing happens, it's not "hilarious". Yes.... Thanks my ex... (not... i.e. that thanking her is sarcasm, the rest is not).

What am I looking for in a partner? Good question.

Well for one thing, there should be a difference between what I want in a partner vs what I am able to realistically attract because at the end of the day, I can say I want a hot supermodel who's a millionaire but she's probably not going to choose me lol.

As iv'e gotten older, iv'e gotten a better sense of where I stand in terms of dating market value. I'm not "high value" in the sense of being a man who's highly desirable in the realm of dating. I'm not 6 ft tall, i'm not conventionally handsome, i'm not making 100k a year. The reality is that i'm a short average looking man with autism and i'm not making good money, although i'm still in college so the potential is there in the future. So with that said, I think my standards for women should reflect what I bring to the table. And yes, money and appearance isn't everything but let's be honest, looks are definitely important when we're choosing romantic partners. My hot female cousins are married to 6 ft tall, well-built men. I'm sure personality was a factor in dating these guys but let's be honest, if these men didn't look the way they looked, they were short scrawny indian males, my cousins would have never even considered them. So yes, looks are important.

Findings about female aspies and what we seek? Can you link me please?

I definitely don't want to be dependent on a man.

Just for the fact that it opens you up to abuse a fair amount of the time. I have had men try to isolate me from talking to anyone else. And I luckily have gotten out once they start doing it.

Being everything for someone is impossible.

Also the texting all day with a guy can be taxing. Sometimes it's ok depending on the situation but it's taxing after awhile.

BTW, everything I said goes both ways. Males can be abused by females. And a female wanting to text all day with a guy could be taxing to the guy.

You need to have other things going for you besides a relationship.

Also, I do want to go into medicine or pharmaceutical research so I do make it clear from the get go bc those are careers where there is a lot of schooling and training. Not all guys might be up for that (and that is fine, there is someone out there for them). So it's not like I have endless amounts of time myself.

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Same authority, Dr. Tony Attwood...THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO ASPERGER'S SYNDROME...Pages 316-318...

Ok...so I'll have to find a way to read the book...like borrowing from a virtual library or through a subscription...I read this book years ago as a teen and while there are some good things in there I am not the hugest fan. It's fine if others like him, but I just think he's ok at best.

I might buy a used copy off Ebay.

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I own the book...It only includes two paragraphs on the topic...I could summarize it here if you would like...

"Women with Asperger's syndrome often seek a partner with a personality similar to themselves. They feel more comfortable with someone who does not have a great social life and does not seek frequent physical intimacy. As both partners have similar characteristics and expectations, the relationship can be successful and enduring.

Unfortunately, people with Asperger's syndrome may not be very good at identifying the 'predators' in life, and some women with Asperger's syndrome have not been wise in their choice of partner. They have become the victim of relationship predators and suffered various forms of abuse. The woman with Asperger's syndrome may initially feel sorry for the man, much as she would for a stray dog, but is unable to extricate herself from a history of being attractive to and attracted by disreputable characters. Having low self-esteem can also affect the choice of partner for a woman with Asperger's syndrome. Deborah explained in an e-mail to me: 'I set my expectations very low and as a result gravitated toward abusive people. I cannot stress the importance of recognizing how important self esteem is to an autistic adult.'"

THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO ASPERGER'S SYNDROME by Tony Attwood