The Need for Romantic Intimacy

Post Reply New Topic

everybody seems to have the ultimately darwinian drive to pair their genes with the best possible other genes, regardless of whether or not they intend to reproduce.

I'll be making my replies later. I'm just interjecting now to say please stay on topic. This thread is about my need for romantic intimacy.

Thank you.

I don't think anything can be done. Some of us don't find a partner.

Everyone's default setting is single. That's how we come into the world.

Distraction and finding other purposes in life is the key.

Also the vast majority of people aren't that happy in their pairings, they're just playing a social game. Do you want that? It's not real. Well, it is for very, very few people. The odds of any human finding real romance is very slim. Even harder for us weirdos.

Find another purpose. Get a pet.

I just hope that once you obtain "romantic intimacy" that it doesn't leave you disappointed. That it's an anticlimax. That it wasn't worth all that fuss and bother you went through.

That's exactly how I felt once I obtained "romantic intimacy."

Do you mean you hope it doesn't?

It doesn't sound like you to wish disappointment.


That reminds me of a poem.

My bad. I meant I hope The Grand Inquisitor isn't disappointed when he finds out "romantic intimacy" isn't what it's cracked up to be.

I've had nice "intimate moments" in my life, and they were nice. And, sometimes, they have been transcendent.

Most of the time, though, being "in love" is more a practical thing than what one expects based upon what is in romantic novels.

mere mortals are disappointing. but it needs to be stressed that the OP desperately wants at least one of us to tell him how to exit the situation he is in now, and how to get into the situation he wants to be in.

My honest feeling: Stop taking things so seriously. That would help him find intimacy. I had to learn that myself.

he is wondering what he is doing wrong, and is not likely to understand what "taking things too seriously" means. i discovered too late in life that it is the basic way i'm wired that is "wrong" in that it is not compatible with the society i live in.

^^^i know you meant the best. as did i.

I'm not "wired" optimally myself. I'm autistic, too. If you don't think I understand what it means to be misunderstood, then you don't know me very well. I spent most of life being misunderstood, and I'm still scorned by some.

What I mean....is that TGI takes things to another level when he thinks of romance, and forgets that there are other aspects of life that could render life most satisfactory.

The best way to obtain romance, to me, is to actively seek to make friends who would feel good about introducing him to THEIR friends, sisters, or cousins.

And if somebody says something that he doesn't like, it's not the end of the world. I used to be very earnest about things. I used to get irritated by people with different ideas about things. And I would express my irritation openly. This did not win me many friends. Because that made me seem like I wouldn't be a fun person to hang out with.

Iv'e known many autistic men in my life and the truth is that yes, many of them are bad with women. It seems that autism (especially if it's noticeable) negatively impacts your ability to find partners, and especially if you're a man.

Out of all of the autistic men who are bad with women, these are the traits they typically have in common. So if most or all of this applies to you, this is probably the reason why you're struggling.



- A sub 5 on the looks scale. (they're objectively, 4 or lower on the 1-10 looks scale). Maybe it's because they're very overweight, skinny and sickly looking, facially ugly, or have really bad hygiene and a bad haircut.

- Bad hygiene and clothes selection.

- Moderate to severe autism and people can generally tell that they're on the spectrum.

- Being well into your twenties and either living with your parents, living off of SSI, or working a poor minimum wage job with no college prospects.

- Low extroversion, low risk-taking, and high anxiety are all associated with less romantic success.

the way i learned to see it is that if there were too many other people like me in society, i could hardly grok how such a society would sustain itself over time.

Holy cow.

TGI wants to experience love, and feel it for himself.

I don't think that's too much to ask, and he shouldn't be told it's not worth wanting.

Poetry, beauty, romance, love .... these are what we stay alive for.