Feeling Lost. Havent had a significant other in many years.
Mona Pereth wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
Once again, if multiple women have told the OP that he’s made them uncomfortable, then he probably needs to change his behavior if he wants different results.
With this I agree, at least if the behavior is something he can indeed change.
However, we (and perhaps the OP) don't yet know enough about WHAT he was doing that those women didn't like. We don't know whether it's some entitled assholey behavior of his, which he can and should change, or some harmless but stigmatized quirk beyond his control, like a speech impairment.
I have seen no mention of a speech impairment or anything out of his control. In the VAST majority of cases, behavior can be changed. Women, especially multiple women, do not typically admit that someone is making them uncomfortable for no reason.
In his OP, he says: "I have had absolutely no luck finding a significant other in my later years in life. In fact I've had a lot of negative overreactions from women. In Highschool, college and at the begining of Photography School I had very positive reactions from women."
I doubt that he has developed a speech impediment since then or something similar since he hasn't mentioned it. Working with a therapist or friend could help him determine why he is making women uncomfortable if he's not aware of it already, and he could work towards changing the behavior. "Negative overreactions" sounds a bit dismissive, and it won't help him find a partner in the here and now when a proactive approach is warranted.
_________________
“Les grandes personnes ne comprennent jamais rien toutes seules, et c'est fatigant, pour les enfants, de toujours et toujours leur donner des explications.”
— Le Petit Prince
TwilightPrincess wrote:
I have seen no mention of a speech impairment or anything out of his control. In the VAST majority of cases, behavior can be changed. Women, especially multiple women, do not typically admit that someone is making them uncomfortable for no reason.
In his OP, he says: "I have had absolutely no luck finding a significant other in my later years in life. In fact I've had a lot of negative overreactions from women. In Highschool, college and at the begining of Photography School I had very positive reactions from women."
I doubt that he has developed a speech impediment since then or something similar since he hasn't mentioned it. Working with a therapist or friend could help him determine why he is making women uncomfortable if he's not aware of it already, and he could work towards changing the behavior. "Negative overreactions" sounds a bit dismissive, and it won't help him find a partner in the here and now when a proactive approach is warranted.
In his OP, he says: "I have had absolutely no luck finding a significant other in my later years in life. In fact I've had a lot of negative overreactions from women. In Highschool, college and at the begining of Photography School I had very positive reactions from women."
I doubt that he has developed a speech impediment since then or something similar since he hasn't mentioned it. Working with a therapist or friend could help him determine why he is making women uncomfortable if he's not aware of it already, and he could work towards changing the behavior. "Negative overreactions" sounds a bit dismissive, and it won't help him find a partner in the here and now when a proactive approach is warranted.
Agreed that it would be a good idea for him to try to find out what the issue is, e.g. by working with a therapist or friend.
However, the fact that he once got favorable reactions from women but doesn't get them now could mean any of the following (or some combo thereof), among other possibilities:
- Perhaps his behavior has changed in a way that's offputting.
- Some behavior that was considered socially acceptable 20 to 30 years ago is no longer considered socially acceptable. (For example, in many places there is now a much stronger ethic of sexual consent, which rules out some kinds of flirting that were once commonplace.)
- Some behaviors that might still be considered acceptable among young people might not be considered acceptable among older adults.
- Perhaps he is still approaching women who are in their early twenties, most of whom are now put off by the age difference.
- Perhaps he has moved to a new locale, and some behavior that was considered acceptable in the old locale is not considered acceptable in the new locale.
Based on what the OP has told us so far, it's not at all clear which of the above possibilities is the case.
While his problem is unlikely to be a speech impairment, it could be (based on the info given by the OP so far) something subtle and hard to control, such as non-standard eye contact. How harshly this is judged varies by locale and by subculture. If indeed eye contact turns out to be the issue (or one of the issues, at least), and if he once lived in a place where people were less fussy about it than where he lives now, then it might behoove him to move back to the old place if he possibly can.
_________________
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TwilightPrincess wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
Once again, if multiple women have told the OP that he’s made them uncomfortable, then he probably needs to change his behavior if he wants different results.
With this I agree, at least if the behavior is something he can indeed change.
However, we (and perhaps the OP) don't yet know enough about WHAT he was doing that those women didn't like. We don't know whether it's some entitled assholey behavior of his, which he can and should change, or some harmless but stigmatized quirk beyond his control, like a speech impairment.
I have seen no mention of a speech impairment or anything out of his control. In the VAST majority of cases, behavior can be changed. Women, especially multiple women, do not typically admit that someone is making them uncomfortable for no reason.
In his OP, he says: "I have had absolutely no luck finding a significant other in my later years in life. In fact I've had a lot of negative overreactions from women. In Highschool, college and at the begining of Photography School I had very positive reactions from women."
I doubt that he has developed a speech impediment since then or something similar since he hasn't mentioned it. Working with a therapist or friend could help him determine why he is making women uncomfortable if he's not aware of it already, and he could work towards changing the behavior. "Negative overreactions" sounds a bit dismissive, and it won't help him find a partner in the here and now when a proactive approach is warranted.
You're banging your head against a brick wall.
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