Physical attractiveness — a rant

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Whose bikini are you hoping to wax?

^ I decline to comment unless my lawyer is present.

I see a lot of talk in L&D regarding looks and personality, which granted are factors. However, I think that opportunity and location are often greatly overlooked in such conversations.

Opportunity meaning situations that could potentially lead to meeting someone. Frankly, I don't know how anyone meets someone as an adult!

It's a difficult balance because you have to work, but also schedule holidays and figure out when is the best time to use those days. Then you have to put yourself in situations where you interact with others.

Personally I think it's all too easy to get swept up in grind culture and forget to have a life outside of that. Some businesses even encourage such behaviour. Full on shaming people for not wanting to work overtime when the job is an 8 till 5. It's interesting how most people say a 9 till 5, but most jobs I see are 8 till 5 these days, at least where I am. Add on commute time and that leaves little room to meet people in the schedule.

Then, when you get those days, or even just the days you don't work (such as weekends, unless you work weekends) what do you do with the days? Where do you go to meet people? Clubs? Too loud. Difficult to communicate. So, where? And how do you schedule it regularly enough to form an emotional connection with someone?

This whole being an adult thing seem like a nightmare at times. Realistically I don't think I'm going to meet anyone until I can move out of this place. Still, even then, how do you balance work and life to the point where a romantic relationship is even possible? How are you all doing this?

Exactly. ^

Plus, we're not supposed to date people from work, from volunteer places, or from our therapy groups, which is the only other place most of us manage to go on a regular basis (if at all). Cross out exes of friends, or people our friends like.

I always thought that not being pretty spared me a lot of trouble when I was young. I was less likely to get harassed or preyed on or approached by deceitful guys and so on. And at the same time I had two wonderful long-term relationships so there didn't seem to be a downside.

On the other hand, when I was between those relationships, I was involved in some groups so I knew a fair number of people, but almost no one was interested in me romantically. Again, it did make my life easier but also I wanted companionship! And I do now as well and feel like it's not going to happen.

Maybe if I had any knack for understanding make up and hair styling and fashion I could look more attractive, but those things seem completely alien to me.

^^ It obviously doesn’t work longterm. It didn’t work in your own relationship and it didn’t work for FXE based on his lived experience. Sexual compatibility is important in a relationship but one partner shouldn’t feel like they need to compensate with sex in order for the other person to like them. That’s pretty messed up.

Even if the sex was great, I would NOT keep cumming back for more if I wasn’t otherwise into someone. Like most people, I can give myself amazing orgasms. I expect more from a relationship. Sex is only one small part of it.

Telling women that they can catch an otherwise disinterested/unattracted man’s fancy with sexual performance is an APPALLING thing to say. It’s some of the worst dating advice I’ve ever seen on WP. Great sex is nice, but a person should not feel like they need to go above and beyond to attract a partner. They should have enough self-respect to move on and find someone better who will appreciate them as they are.

Hopefully, both partners in a relationship strive to make sex mutually enjoyable. That’s just part of a normal, healthy, and loving relationship that includes sex.

People can have any kind of relationship they want to as long as it’s legal. I just think that this is awful advice for women and would not work for most people who are genuinely looking for relationships. It would be harmful more often than not.

^ That outfit should go in the Blind Date thread. I see no problems with it whatsoever.