What are the reasons for being single long term?

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I didn't know that, but I can imagine it happening these days. When I worked (1986-2009) people were less worried about sexual harassment or distracting. It's good that companies are taking sexual harassment seriously now, I've certainly had my share of creepy men harassing me e.g. two threatening to lock me in the safe at the bank when I was 18 years old. But on the other hand it's a shame that people can't meet romantic partners at work anymore.

Perhaps it's because people a bit older tend to have different priorities & concerns than people a bit younger. Younger people tend to be less responsible & more focused on social status & having fun. There's plenty of exceptions of coarse.

It's a shame some people are so unrespectful & irresponsible these days. I agree that companies need to take sexual allegations very seriously but I do not think the solution of trying to prevent employee relationships with other employees is the right way to go. Plus there seems to be lots of news stories these days about guys in power abusing their position to pressure women into having sex with them. People in power need to lead by example instead of throwing their subordinates & others with no power under the bus.

No offense but don't you have a partner?

I am sorry to hear of your traumatic experience, KitLily. Being threatened by someone who says they will lock you in a safe is disgusting behaviour on behalf of the person/people who did that. Shame on them - and I hope you have recovered mentally from all of that.

I agree, maybe they need to have 'employee social clubs' again where people can safely meet others. These days people spend most of their time at work so it's likely they will meet friends and lovers at work.

Thanks for your caring reply.

Apparently I 'talked too much' so these two guys (who were in their 30s and I was 18, so they were old enough to be my dad) didn't like me talking. So they said they would lock me in the safe where no one could hear me talking or screaming for help.

I told a female supervisor, she was horrified and told the manager, who banned those men from ever going into the safe with me again (because in banks you have to have 2 people going into the safe for legal reasons). So it ended okay.

TBH I have had so many men harassing me in my life that the bank experience was the one which ended best. Usually it is strangers harassing me so they never get told off, or the men talk their way out of the situation, or they blame me.

Most women will say the same as me. Harassment is part of being a woman, although it should not be. We always have to be on our guard- walking down the street, getting in a lift, dealing with workmen who come to our homes. And numerous other places.

I am happy to say I saved a young girl from harassment. I was about 30 and she was an 18 year old student trainee at the library where I worked and every Thursday she would go into the library stacks to shelve books. Every Thursday the library postman, in his 50s, would corner her in the stacks and chat her up, while she was alone. She told me and so every Thursday, I would go into the stacks and talk to her. The postman realised he couldn't corner her alone anymore and stopped harassing her.

It's good if people notice when women are being harassed and do something to help. I've heard of men stepping in to help too.

Oh hell yeah.

There's something to be said for that. And then some more.

If you had my parents, you’d understand why. Both were the result of dysfunctional, broken homes. I remember the war that broke out between #2 brother and our parents.

In any case, dad, as far as I remember, was a narcissist. I was his scapegoat. I remember all too well what kind of treatment I got from him my senior year in high school. I was one of 2 featured soloists for my high school bands night of music. He and mom were sitting down front in the auditorium. I started my solo piece (which the band director forced me to memorize), and dad started makin obvious faces that were saying, “Boy, I’m going y to o make you f!ck everything up, then make a jackass out of you in front of the entire band, as well as people in the house that night. He tried the same stunt when I was in college, as an undergraduate in music history. If it weren’t for the fact he didn’t have any use for the Lutheran Church, he, as an Anabaptist, would have pull the same stunt in the church.


Even if he was taking me to where I needed to go, (since I was not allowed to drive ANY of his vehicles, after running his car into a ditch), if he spotted a girl walking down the street, he’d do the wolf whistle, then immediately point the finger at me. 9 times out of 10, I wasn’t interested. However, the few times I did show an interest, he’d raise hell. Mom was even worse: she would not allow a girl in the house under any circumstances. I finally that love, sex and marriage were out of the question, and have remained celibate to this day, unloved and hated.

I have stayed single all this time mostly due to my circumstances and disability

I don't want to continue being single long-term and want to experience marriage

Most women I've tried to date have complained I'm not assertive enough. So that's a big reason I'm single. I would think that's a problem for a lot of autistic men.

I have ASD and ADHD. The combination produces an intensity that people find unsettling.

My longest relationship was with a devoted girlfriend who looked at me with the kind of adoration of a puppy looking at its owner. I found it unsettling. I guess that's proof I'm not a narcissist.

She was recovering from codependency. I didn't think she'd recovered as much as she thought she had. I had no previous experience with people struggling with codependency issues, and I didn't know she had those issues when we first met.



I get that quite a bit. Lots of women who want me for a son-in-law, but none who want me for a spouse.

Oh yes I never meant anyone here was a narcissist. But I was totally bedazzled by this bloke I met at university and it's only in hindsight I realise he was a narcissist.

Well said.

Your ex sounds like me. My gf says whenever she looks at me I'm already staring at her but very luckily she's kinda the same way as me with this but a bit more mild so there's no problems with that. Cass very likely is on the spectrum & also has ADHD & I see how her intesity might be problematic for other guys. I probably have ADD &/or sluggish cognitive tempo so I tend to zone out & daydream instead of getting very annoyed or frustrated.

Men harassing women is indeed a problem, and probably has been for a long time, I imagine.

I am glad you got them banned from going into the safe with you. They deserved that!

It is nice when a community steps in to protect females from harassment. Men or women, it doesn't matter. As long as people are safe.