Why do men just avoid saying they're not interested?

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That's not very nice - it's bad to string other people along if you're not interested.

My 16 year old son had the opposite problem, and it may be the same as the problem with the man in question. I don't know if my son has inherited my Aspiness or not.

Anyway, in middle school, there was a girl that he was very fond of. He still likes her, but, for some mysterious reason, could not bring himself to speak to her. So, she eventually started "hanging out with other dudes" (as they say in teen-speak), much to his disappointment.

Now, he stays in his room most of the time.

I once got up the courage to ask this guy out, in college. I had a crush on him, and kept talking about it to another student. She finally, in exasperation, encouraged me to ask him out. His number was in the phone book, so I called and did so. Since we shared a class, I described myself. He agreed to go out, but then said that week was bad, and proceeded to tell me about all sorts of prior commitments. I asked about next week, and he said he'd let me know. I didn't realize that this is called, "Letting the girl down gently." He never called me back, and I was devastated, ashamed, and hurt. I cried for days. It would have been a lot easier if he'd said he had a girlfriend. Sure, us Aspies value the truth, but that is one white lie that doesn't hurt anybody.

I disagree. Knowing someone is attached
doesn't stop the obsession. Not for me.
Knowing they don't want does.

Yeah, it hurts, but at least you can
move on.

Men don't always tell you they aren't interested in you because they don't want to hurt your feelings. My last boyfriend didn't tell me he wasn't interested in me anymore so he was never answering the phone or answering my IMs. I thought that he was busy and my mother told me he isn't interested in me anymore, let him go and move on so I felt happy that I was single again. I have wanted to tell him myself I want to be single again but because he already had stuff going on in his life he is depressed about, I didn't want to add to the list even though I had told him I had moved on after he was rude to me on the phone one night. But I never expected him to read between the lines knowing I had broken up with him without telling him straight up. But I told my first bf I wanted to break up with him and boy was he depressed for a while and the funny thing is, when i told him I was thinking about breaking up with him, he sounded cool because he kept saying "If you want to break up with me, that's fine." "Things weren't working out with us." "If you want to break up, that's up to you." So I break up and bam he was depressed and I didn't want to do the same to my next one because he was already depressed and his life was already hell thanks to his ex and I didn't want to add to it.

You can't let concern for someone's feelings
ruin your own life though. If you want out,
get out. That simple. Cushion it, as well as
you can, but get out.

Depends, of course, on what is
meant by moving on. I haven't
had what I'd term a relationship
for the four years since my wife
booted me. Nor have I given up
the idealized version of what we
were.

This picture makes it easy to turn
others away. But something in me
won't allow me to have LESS than
what I thought I had, which was
so good, as to be almost impossible
to find. No - impossible today. But,
it doesn't mean that if ENOUGH interest
is shown, I don't turn aside some of
my stipulations. So, 'tis probably not
much bigger a deal than how I was
younger - though I do seem a bit
pickier.

On the other hand, I've fallen in love
four times in those four years (argh!
these are with me forever - I HAVE to
learn to stop doing it so readily). A couple
of times in person, and a couple over
the net. Most were returned, at least in
words (how can I really know another's
meaning), but never moved beyond
words, yet.

Well, in my case, moving on meant I had to stop calling him just to hear the sound of his voice, and driving past his house, hoping to catch a glimpse of him. And I also got attracted to someone else unobtainable, LOL, which kind of pushed the first attraction slowly to the back burner. I've also gotten interested in people online, or had them get interested in me, but am too much of a coward to do anything about it.

Sound like me. 'Cept I made a break
when my wife pitched me, and I hate
phones. Wrote letter after bloody letter
though. And desperately wanted us to
be back together. Then, when the chance
finally came, so much had changed, that
I had doubts. She couldn't take that, maybe.
I don't know. Anyhow, I have no idea if she's
alive or dead. Probably the latter, to tell
the truth - tends to be the way of these
things.

If she were, would that provide closure for you? Just wondering.

Nah. Love transcends death.
Would make it unnecessary to
get around to trying to divorce
though. That sounds like a hassle.

So you still love her? Or are you just speaking theoretically.

I love everyone that I've ever
loved. That's how I define the
term.

I see. Thanks for clarifying that.