Why do people date over the Internet?

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I like to get to know a person better before i jump into all the, possible, social awkwardness..
Also; I find it much easier to truly relax around a person when i know she knows how i am and think.

To me, a distance relationship is much worse than an inconvenience. I prefer to call it torture. I agree 100% with calandale. Love without touching is a travesty. I can't express myself through words in the form of 1 and 0's speeding through transmission lines. That may be enough for some, but not me.

I'd rather find somebody in my general vicinity that I can be close to, than the "perfect" one that lives a thousand miles away. If I fell for somebody that lived a thousand miles away, the emotional turmoil I would go through being apart would be unbearable.

You can choose who you fall for?

Distance can be overcome; it can be worth it.

My thoughts exactly.

Tim

To some extent. The biggest issue is that they
show interest in me. Once that is out of the
way, I'm more willing to assess other issues.
Things like appearance (will I be happy looking
at this person for a long time?), compatibility,
and such. One of these factors is clearly, "how
much of a royal pain will it be, to end up living
together," as you can't really know someone
well, before that step. Foolishly, I allowed my
loneliness to neglect applying that standard.



Maybe. I've had little luck competing from a distance,
against those who are right there. My words are not
so potent as to hold someone, in the same way as
my touch. AND, I really doubt that there are many
that I could convince to see the things that I desire
as valuable, by mere words.

I tried not to fall for my man. After all he was 20, I was 25. he was younger than my 18 year old sister's boyfriend. But I couldn't help it.

I don't try and never really did
its hardly real-mind you RL is just so depressing (much like online)

The problem with internet dating is the same one as with walking up to anyone in a bar: anonymity. I like to know who I'm dating before I begin, because I am unable to determine her likes/dislikes at first glance. This, couples with physiological eye aversion, makes it very hard for me to look like anything but incompetent in the dating deptartment. The average NT keeps saying stuff like "Well thats because you have no confidence" and similar rhetoric, but I know for a fact that I'm incompetent, and I cant do anything about it.

In an ideal world (for me anyway), the average date would be between friends who wanted to take an extra step, not between total strangers. Alas, the real world does not function this way (and by "real world", I mean everything outside of my little mind, which includes teh intarwebz.)

Well, yeah.


But see, this is kind of the point.
'Tis extremely low risk, to begin
with. A simple message. Not that
I bother either, but don't hide behind
that.



Which is NO problem whatsoever, over the net.



I'm not convinced. I know that, in my case, I
probably COULD do something about it, but
choose not to. I could approach random people
with pat lines - hell, even with ones that I make
on the spot, for someone else. I can't do it for
myself, but I think more out of fear, than out
of absolute inability. And given that you seem
equally unwilling to try it with a dating site, I'd
likewise guess that there are other things holding
you back, than some presumed incompetence.



Then, it's time to choose. Either change the world,
or change yourself. For the former, I can tell you
that the trick is a difficult one, and I've not fully
succeeded. For the latter, you again have clear
choices: change what you want (i.e. choose to
enjoy solitude), or change what you are willing
to risk.

Just try to be honest with yourself, because
hiding will only bring misery.

You know I was thinking about this question, "why do people date over the Internet", and the answer struck me as being pretty simple.

People NEED some sort of romantic interaction, or sexual interaction, and for some people it may only be possible to get on the Internet. So, it comes down to NEED.

But, I know fine it's a minefield. While I haven't been on the Internet to seek a date per se, sometimes friendships I've had online have developed into something deeper and more romantic. And speaking from experience with Internet friends I honestly don't think there's a chance of finding romance online if the other person doesn't already have some sort of disadvantage in the dating game, or anything others might judge to be a "skeleton in the closet". That's not to knock those people in any way, as I can be classed as at a disadvantage myself, having AS.

E.g. for me, a recent example is a girl who said she had grown to really like me and become attached to me. At this point she showed me her pics. She was very, very obese but that doesn't change my view of her but I appreciate some people might be disappointed and if you find romance online, that's what you're going to get.

Us Aspies, I guess, really only have a chance of non-mainstream relationships with non-mainstream people but the majority of people, with normal socialisation and without something putting them at an obvious disadvantage, are going to find mainstream relationships much more easily with no need for the dating/relationship minefield that is the Internet.

Anonymity...there's the beauty of it. You can get to know someone somewhat without worrying about filing a restraining order if they suddenly turn out to be a few bricks shy of a load.

Last thing any woman wants is some nut showing up drunk on her doorstep at 3:00 am because a friend of a friend told him where you lived or they tailed you home one day after work.

I'm 40, I have a son, no family except my mother, I live in a rural redneck area where everyone either knows each other or they are related to each other and the bars do a better business than Wal-Mart could ever hope for. I don't date...but if I did I'd probably try the internet first...and run one heck of a good background check.

And how the hell am I supposed to do that? In any setting other than romantic, I can approach and talk to women just fine; they don't seem to have a problem with me (unless they are hiding it...), and I don't feel at all like a fish out of water in that situation. As soon as I attempt to make any form of meaningful romantic relations, however, the incompetence sets in rather quickly. Because of this, I try to approach in the friendliest possible way that just falls short of romanticism. Such an approach has yielded me a great number of friends who happen to be women, but no actual girlfriend whatsoever.

Then press on even with the incompetence. Even if you appear awkward to them, at least some will likely be able to pick up on your intentions.

Not everyone will immediately write you off if you aren't an expert at some aspect of social interaction. Some will even see your efforts, despite your difficulties, as quite a big deal.

If you don't try, you can't fail. You also can't succeed.

And if I do try, I fail, and have failed 4 times already... all for the same reasons too. The only up-side is that I'm still on good terms with all of them, so I'm not a complete loser in that regard, just not a winner either...

Four times is far from a large amount. Four people is far from a reasonable sampling of the entire world. Taking a mere four attempts as indicative of your chances in the future is not a good idea, as going in expecting a failure will usually result in you meeting your expectations.

As of now, I am still 0 for 4... my batting average is .000 (to steal the common cliche of equating love to baseball...)