aspies and being a "jerk" to women

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Even I am a male & ill end up slapping someone, or pooring the drink over the head with that stuff... You sure you want a GF & not a fling

I would expect a joke like that to make them think your full of it, meant to be mutual jokes.

" Might be hung like a horse, but the horse will still get more action " because it is a sexual joke, your calling yourself handsome, & your blaming the phone, might be jokes but you know..

Am I just going wrong here or can jokes like that have that effect...


Funny my anxiety does not get like this normally, it's just with someone as attractive as you I feel like I am on fire, at this rate ill be able to light our candles with my own body

That sound funny or am I just putting out the fire? ice breaker for any anxiety?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pyHkutiT ... re=related

Found what happened to shyness talk about totaly attacking against people like me

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0, ... 91,00.html

Women don't love jerk guys because they are jerk but because they are usually MASCULINE , masculinity is an alpha trait.Guys who have higher level of Testosterone are more masculine , more dominant , more determinant,more confident and physically stronger but Testosterone can also increase aggressiveness , that's why a lot masculine guys are bullies and jerks.

Most jerks are masculine while 'nice guys' are less masculine physically and in personality and of couse the less masculine are less attractive to girls. That's why we have the impression that nice guys finish last.However, a real nice masculine guy would have no problem in attracting women , many male celebs are not jerks but are very masculine that's why girls drool over them.

Last edited by LePetitPrince on 20 Jan 2008, 8:28 am, edited 1 time in total.

The way I read it was not that they were so much complaining about men as that they were complaining about a particular TYPE of man: the so-called "Nice Guy" who deep down is as much of a jerk as the jerks, but acts nice because he wants to get into womens pants. A jerk, AND too much of a coward to act like his real self! How appealing!
*rips off clothes just thinking about it*
/sarcasm

LPP makes an excellent point about masculinity. Also, part of it is confidence- many jerks have the confidence to approach girls. Many nice guys don't.
People also, I think, are mistaken when they say that you have to control the girl or she will control you. In my eyes, a guy who is completely the master of himself, who won't let me run his life (this doesn't mean that he'll never ask for advice or that he won't listen to any suggestions I make) is very appealing. The moment he tries to run my life, his attractiveness plummets. I want a partner, not a parent. Not being dominated is simply not being a p****; thinking you have the right to dominate your partner is being a jerk. There's a long continuum between "p****" and "jerk", is what I guess I'm trying to say.

Mine hardly shows at all, well as long as I am careful not to open my mouth too much ha ha

Yes, I am open about it now but I have also stopped going out to things like classes because I realized its my Aspie bits that let me down among NTs. I don't think it is all so obvious in a one to one setting and I choose those types of meetings more now.

Perhaps it’s just me, but I’ve lost count of the number of times I‘ve seen a man with female jerk for a partner. It seems that certain men love to be treated mean by women.

I think that if you’re interested in someone work out what they would like from what you know about them, and don’t adhere to these long lists of rubbish dating advice from the internet.

Um, I am female and my interest in getting laid is miniscule at my age. I would only like to know how to let the young man down since last time I tried to say I wasn't interested, he had tears in his eyes : (

I am just more interested in my hobbies and since he doesn't share them, its boring but he isn't a jerk.

there are aspects that aren't apparent. Having a daughter, I get to observe, but this may not hold for all women (like what would..

Many women go through a stage where they want excitement, emotional danger, daring to date the guy from the wrong side of the tracks, etc. I've heard it many times; 'nice guys are boring'.

They find a thug, and it's an emotional roller coaster; he's bad, then he's sweet, it's exciting and dangerous. Eventually, many of the same women realize he's bad for a reason. It's self-destructive, but it's living to them. Then they start going out looking for a nice guy.

Many women want confidence, humor, honesty, flirtation, 'connectedness'and above all, attention. What quantities, and what order, are subjects of endless debate (just glance at the cover of a Cosmo, to see they're as scared and desperate sometimes as we are.. And, for the most part, you'd be surprised sometimes how far down the list of priorities sex is..

Be yourself; of course. Starting a relationship can be scary for anyone. But it can pay off in the end.

Yes she does have a lot of personal issues. We met in AA, and while she is pretty young, she still has a lot of baggage. I like her though and I don't want to give up. I was single for a looooong time before we started dating, and I have trouble getting into relationships. I feel like the only way I can go lower is to be single. Also I am wondering if some of our issues are because of the AS/NT aspect of the relationship, and I will basically have the same problems with the next girl I go out with.

I am intelligent, but I have trouble meeting intelligent women. I try talking to girls at my university, but it's difficult to get a conversation going with them. I can't seem to connect with girls on campus. Also, I feel like I am too smart to connect with the majority people, and my marks and study habits aren't good enough for me to fit in with the "high achiever" crowd.

This sort of joke is so not me that I would lose respect for myself were I to say something like this (To thine own self be true).
Also, I will not attempt being a jerk with women - I despise women that go for jerks that they know are jerks, and I couldn't have a real relationship with someone I despised (the other type of relationships are probably not worth the trouble, so that leaves no incentive to be a jerk).
I'm going to be myself more - not because it's going to get me dates (i'm too much of an introvert, etc) but because it's good for my soul. For example, next time anyone suggests going to a club, i will either not go or go and not dance, and if anyone asks i'll say i don't like dancing (which is the truth - this is what i mean about doing it because it's good for my soul not because it will get me anywhere with women).

I hate these canned lines. They sound so fake. I hate the idea of saying what someone else would say to get a girl's attention. That's basically creating attraction under false pretenses. So what happens when you actually call the girl? You have to rely on instinct, and just make the best decision you can. You can't read some book to tell you what to say line for line when you're talking to a girl. Eventually you are either going to click or you won't, the books and "seduction guides" make it seem like if you just spout the correct series of lines to a woman, she will go to bed with you. Talking to a real girl who isn't some drunk bar ho negates this approach.

My first thought after reading this is that I don't think it's helpful to think in terms of 'nice guys' and 'jerks'. We seem to have debated those terms so many times but at the end of the day it's just stereotypes. What's the actual problem?

Basically, you're worried a woman is going to stop wanting you because she knows that she has your interest, and doesn't have to work to maintain it. You don't provide her with a 'challenge'.

I remember you posting to say that you'd found a girl, sounds from your last post like this is about her? I would ask you, if you think she's going off you, what evidence you have for thinking that, because - and I am not being rude because this is something I'm VERY prone to doing - there is a possibility that you could be being paranoid, and she adores you.

I think you are definately right that you won't be able to project a 'hard to get' aura if that isn't how you feel, considering this, and the fact that presumbably you'd rather act honestly, I would suggest that you don't even bother trying to fake it.

There are certainly girls out there who thrive off being in relationships where their feelings are never quite reciprocated, I know that because I used to be one of them. It stopped me thinking about how unhappy I was because I was always caught up in 'drama'. I also desperately needed approval, and approval that I didn't have to fight for wasn't quite enough.

I would argue that this is true of only a small minority of women, and just a phase for most of them. Girls who have their heads on straight want to be treated well and know their partner cares about them.

Worrying about something you can't change is only going to exaberate any problem because you're getting more and more anxious and insecure. In this situation, all you can do is give the girl the benefit of the doubt and hope that she'll appreciate you for what you are. Try your hardest to feel secure in the relationship and confident in yourself. My relationships tend to end due to too much worrying and insecurity on my part - if I would only just stop worrying about failings like the one you described my relationships would stand a far better chance.

I agree with LePetitPrince.

And I must add that for the guys who are really jerks: just because a girl is trying to win the guy's favor, doesn't mean she's in love with, or necessarily likes him. Weird, eh?

as a person with AS its so important not to have relationships with NTs who have drug or alchol problems. In my opinion most NTs who are alcholics or on drugs have personality disorder and will be "crazy makers". Take this as a good lesson that you found she is not "The one" so quickly- its lucky you have not wasted years on her- or even worse you could have had kids! have patience- its better to wait and be with the person for a long time than get a girl quick that ends in tears. good luck! there is plenty of girls who love nice men- just check its not that your feet smell and shes trying to be polite!

In which case she deserves to get the guy.

Male celebs are rich, famous and successful in their field - men with these characteristics will be fending off girls with a stick regardless of any other characteristics they may have. Thus 'ugly' becomes 'he has a personality', 'barking mad' becomes 'eccentric', etc. Blindness, for example, would not normally be considered attractive (or particularly masculine), but Charles Ray had no difficulty getting women.
A woman admitted to me that she would go for a very dominant, powerful, 'exciting' man that treated her like dirt over a loving, respectful, confident (but not dominant) man. I have seen women be loyal to complete jerks (even in long-distance things), and I have known of enough cases of the same guy being far more succesful with women by treating them badly than by being nice, to know that a large proportion of women do, in practice, respond to jerks. Not all, by any means, but it's hardly rare either.