Guys: Confidence and why it matters

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I didn't hide anything. If you've going to be confident, you need to act the part by dressing decently and having a few things to talk about.

By the way ...you are not making distinction between the 'self-confidence' and the social confidence.

You don't need to be socially confident in order to be self-confidence. Social confidence is how much you can be confident in front of others and how much you are confident to interact with them while 'Self-confidence' is how much you are confident in doing the job right because you have the right competence . In short,Social confidence is an ability to interact, assert and confront others. Self confidence is the belief that I have the ability to do something well but you must have this ability.

ie. let's say that you are asked to repair a PC --> you have the enough knowledge and skills to repair a PC --> you have a self-confidence in doing this task right --> you' ll do the task right.

But what if you were asked to repair a fridge? You'll hesitate to accept the job since you don't have the required skills/knowledge in order to repair a fridge. You can't have self-confidence in this situation.

So see...it's competence in something what is really matters and this 'self-confidence' just came from of this specific competence , you can't be self-confident in all areas of life since no one can be competent in everything ...but you can develop your skills in many aspects and areas. You don't really need to be socially confident in order to be successful , surely it helps but competence is much much more important. A socially confident person with no real competence is just a loser pretender . Note that many famous successful people are successful because they are very competent in their field while they really suck when it comes to social confidence.


Aspies should ultimately focus on the competence thing ....from competence you'll gain self-confidence and from competence you'll gain a good social status.


Since we are talking about dating here , let's put the term in another scene.

Scenario 1: You are in a Dance de Salon party and you know how to dance because you took extensive courses of dancing ---> you were asked by a girl for a dance (or you have asked a girl for dance) --- > you dance well ----> you impress the girl.

Conclusion: you impressed the girl because you know how to dance.


Scenario 2: You are in a dance party but you don't know how to dance at all ---> there are 3 sub-scenarios here:

a- You don't dare to ask any girl for a dance since you know that you can't dance

b- You ask a girl for a dance but you screw it at the end because you sucked in dancing ---> total embarrassment to you and to the girl--->Game over

c- You are asked by a girl for a dance ---> you refuse because you can't dance OR you are so confident so you accept and you get the same result of b.


Conclusion : You need to know how to dance (Dance de Salon) in order to impress a girl in a Dance party.

Moral : Competence is the key and not confidence.

I don't think Complex ever claimed the only thing you need is confidence. He said it's an attractive quality. You seem to be nit-picking a bit, LPP.

I'm a woman, and I've never dated anyone with "status", or even what could be considered a lot of success in life. I could care less about those things. True, I'm an Aspie, but my NT girlfriends are the same way. I won't deny there are women out there who will only date a man who has those things, but there are also men who will only date a woman if she has a D-cup, or looks like a model. I think the vast majority of people are just looking for someone they get along with.

But you are right, confidence alone is not enough. The men I've dated have been worlds apart, but they had these basic things in common: they were all very smart, they were all good at something creative, and they all treated me really well. AND they all had self-confidence.

Self-confidence just shows other people that you like who you are. It's that simple. It's unreasonable to expect someone else to like you when you don't like yourself. You can have tons of great qualities, but it's difficult for women to find that out if you can't present yourself in a manner that makes them want to get to know you.

It's a good trait to have, and can definitely be gained with practice.

Confidence...yeah, confidence is attractive, definitely.

However, a guy's confidence has gotten me into trouble before...I fell for someone I knew from the beginning that I shouldn't have, all because he was SO confident.

I seem to have more luck with the shy, nerdy types of dudes. Which is fine by me. Usually easier to deal with in the long run anyhow.

i'll believe it, when i see it.