Do you like men with High-Pitched Voices {Ladies Only!}

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Sadly I can no longer remember the exact journal or book I read it in; I only remember it because being pertinent to my own situation at the time it impacted onto my memory, but here's an article along the same lines that alludes to the fact that boys are at least as equally emotionally sensitive:

(From the US News & World Report, 2001; Science & Ideas cover story by Anna Mulrine)

"Today, scientists are discovering very real biological differences that can make boys more impulsive, more vulnerable to benign neglect, less efficient classroom learners--in sum, the weaker sex. "The notion of male vulnerability is so novel, but the biological facts support it," says Sebastian Kraemer, a child psychiatrist in London and author of a recent British Medical Journal article on male fragility. "We're only just now beginning to understand the underlying weakness of men, for so many centuries almost universally projected onto women."

What's more, social pressure often compounds biological vulnerability. "Boys today are growing up with tremendous expectations but without adequate emotional fuel or the tools they need to succeed in school or sustain deep relationships," says Eli Newberger, a pediatrician at Boston Children's Hospital and author of The Men They Will Become. Girls now outnumber boys in student government, honor societies, school newspapers, and debating clubs. A recent study found girls ahead of boys in almost every measure of well-being: Girls feel closer to their families, have higher aspirations, and even boast better assertiveness skills. "I regularly see girls who are both valedictorian and captain of the soccer team, but I almost never see that in boys," says Leonard Sax, a family physician and psychologist in Poolesville, Md.

Schools are taking note, too--and they are beginning to act. Early childhood specialists, concerned with ever accelerating curriculum demands, are advocating delayed entrance of boys into kindergarten, to give them time to catch up with girls developmentally. Other districts are experimenting with single-sex classrooms within coed schools, in the hopes that all-boy classes will allow boys to improve standardized test scores in reading and writing, much the way girls have narrowed the gap in math and science. (Currently, the average 11th-grade boy writes with the proficiency of the average eighth-grade girl.) In response to charges of the "feminization" of the classroom--including, critics argue, female teachers with too little tolerance for the physicality of boys--schools are beginning to re-examine their attitudes toward male activity levels and even revamp disciplinary techniques. The measures aren't without skeptics. "Isn't it ironic that it's only been in the last two decades that we've really considered making schools equitable for girls," says David Sadker, an American University professor and pioneer in research on girls' treatment in the classroom. "And now people are already saying, `Whoa, too much time on girls. Let's get back to boys.' " Pole position.

Yet the latest research not only documents boys' unexpected vulnerabilities but indicates that they can be traced back to the womb. While more boys than girls are conceived (the speculation is that sperm carrying the male's Y chromosomes swim faster than those carrying the larger X), this biological pole position doesn't last long, says Kraemer. Perhaps to offset the speed advantage, when mothers experience stress, male embryos are more likely to perish. The male fetus is at greater risk of peril from almost all obstetric complications, including brain damage, cerebral palsy, and premature birth. By the time a baby boy enters the world, he is trailing the average girl, developmentally, by six weeks.

[NOTE:]
"Male newborns are also more emotionally demonstrative than females--a fact that has been shown experimentally despite the cultural stereotype to the contrary. When asked to rate photos for expressiveness, adults who had not been told the children's sex were far more likely to dub boys "more intensely expressive" than girls. And when researchers intentionally misidentified the boys as girls, adults gave the boys presumed to be girls the highest expressiveness marks. In other words, their actual perceptions trumped the stereotypes.

What's particularly interesting, says Thompson, is that while there is evidence that boys may feel more stress in emotional situations, they routinely show less.

[NOTE PARTICULARLY:]
When placed within earshot of a crying baby, boys have higher increases in heart rate and sweatier palms than girls. But their behavior belies their biological reaction: Their typical response is to turn off the speaker broadcasting the crying. "
[And if that isn't akin to the same psychological reasons for emotionally (even physically) withdrawing from a stressful, upsetting argument with someone who means the world to them, then I don't know what is!]

"Judy Chu, a researcher at Harvard University, has also noted how boys' behavior often masks emotional inclinations. "Boys are a lot more attuned and a lot more sensitive than people give them credit for," she says.

Chu spent two years having conversations with a group of boys in a preschool classroom outside Boston. At age 4, the boys candidly discussed their feelings about subjects that ranged from sharing toys to hurt feelings. "They were insightful in ways I hadn't expected--so articulate and attentive," says Chu. Over time, however, as the expectations of parents, teachers, and peers compounded, the boys' behavior changed. "They became inattentive, indirect, and inarticulate," says Chu, "and self-conscious about what other boys thought."

Chu recalls one child who was friends with a preschool group of kids who had dubbed themselves "the mean team." "I'm friends with all of the girls," he told Chu. "But if Bill [the unofficial leader of the team] finds that out, he'll fire me from the team." As the result of these observations, Chu firmly believes that boys lose their voice, much as girls do in adolescence, and begin to camouflage feelings and behaviors that might put them in conflict with other boys. Their friendships also begin to change. "We associate girls with the sharing of secrets, the emotional intimacy, and boys with the sports and activity-oriented friendships," says Niobe Way, a professor of psychology at New York University. "But what's interesting is that these very tough boys talk about wanting friends to share their secrets with, to confide in...."

Hope that helps? xoxo

PS: Oy! - whaddamI? - your personal secretary???! !! That'll be £50 please...

PPS: Whilst I'm at it: my own theory is that males the Western world over are emotionally abused (non-deliberately) from the age of about 3/4 yrs of age. Nowhere will you hear parents say to a girl 'Right, Missie - time to turn you into a REAL woman' or 'Stop being such a big boy's blouse!' This patriarchal societal system feeds the misconception of what constitutes the masculine ideal, and people pounce onto any stereotype without questioning it, in order to save time (pigeonholing again). Boys are therefore blocked in terms of normal, healthy avenues of emotional expression and inevitably learn 'act out' their emotional upset and frustrations instead (which is vital for emotional release and relief).

Most men are, if you ask me, expert Machievelli. In fact, the more Macho they are, the more this is the case (- take my ex2b (someone, PLEASE!! !!)). The difference with women is that they will point out their acting out to you (for fear you might miss it otherwise) by behaving uncharacteristically cooly/formally until such point as you feel compelled to ask 'Have I done something to upset you?', at which point they say '(Sniff!)...Nope!... I'm fine, thanks' (when clearly they're not!). Men rarely give that warning signal and instead wait for you to demand that they tell you what you've done (based on the evidence of their protracted uncooperative behaviour), whereupon they still deny it and say something like 'Tsk! - don't start...!'...upon which we women become enraged because we're not acting but merely REACTING to a hidden action (i.e. undertow messaging)...and there commences the row (and out come the saucepans) (sorry, LucySix (not)...but I ain't stopping until you tell me what exactly he did to deserve that, you Tease, you! ) xoxo

That was interesting. Thanks.

I'll leave the £50 to you in my will...