How can anyone identify as "asexual"?

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I can answer that question for you rather easily. For a long time I felt like I was asexual, and now I know I'm straight, but very shy. The reason that I believe that many autistic people consider themselves "asexual" is this- more than likely they haven't been in a romantic relationship and since they are not well adapted to social circumstances, especially romantic ones, they feel completely isolated romantically speaking. They may have been in a romantic relationship and it failed miserably, so they have no faith in their romantic abilities. I think the matter comes down to that a lot of autistic people lack confidence and have a lower sense of self esteem, which scares them and makes them not trust romantic relationships or causes them to believe that they can't be in a romantic relationship because they are so emotionally and socially withdrawn from people.

Therefore, with this reasoning, how hard could it be for an autistic person to give up and say that they are asexual? By doing this, they are taking no risks and they don't feel unsure/endangered. In a sense it is giving up, but to their minds, what in worse- failing miserably as they assume or not taking a chance so they won't humiliate themselves? They will usual choose the latter, unless someone tries to start things romantically with them. I hope my answer makes sense to you, even I, being very slightly autistic (P.D.D-NOS), struggle with the ideas of romance and being assertive/charming romantically, it is not in a autistic person's nature to be so forward. If you have any question, feel free to send me an email.

-Autistic Malcontent

That is possible, but I think there are actually a lot of asexual aspies out there that are married. I have talked to a lot of aspie wives and the common statement is "He never wants sex with me any more. Doesn't he like me?" Ironically, those same guys tend to have big families. Because sex is so infrequent, the wife does not get on birth control. When they do have sex, she gets pregnant.

So what seems to be happening is that asexual aspies are getting married and then having sex only to please their wives. The infrequent sex may also be a part in the aspie divorce rate.

That it is very interesting, that slightly autistic males in married relationships are reluctant to have sex and do it to please their partners. The large aspie divorce rate is interesting as well.

I find this odd, that these guys have the option of sex with their wives and yet they are reluctant to engage in it. Doesn't make much sense does it? It's like sticking a piece of cheese in front of a mouse and the mouse not even eating it.

As for myself, I am capable of romantic feelings and desire. I've been single all my life (21 years), and at the beginning I lusted and desired badly and was as lonely as could be. Over the years I gave up on the idea of romance, I saw and still see my female peers as impulsive and foolish in most of their romantic endeavours because they tend to go for jerks versus nice guys like myself. I always see some flaw in a girl, whether major or minor, and I disregard them. Yet I can still feel the euphoric and calm feeling of infatuation/puppy love (when it happens). I don't know what romantic love is and I don't trust it worth anything, but I at least know the feeling of infatuation, which is a couple steps away from love if properly pursued.

But as I stated, I have no faith in love and I have no reason to. Every girl I ever asked out turned me down, so my faith in woman romantically is lacking. But if a girl pursued me and I liked her, it would be easy to fill in the blanks.

Also going to have to disagree with the interpretation of asexuality as "giving up." I just don't see people that way, as being "hot" or "sexy" or even "beautiful/handsome." Besides, my reluctance to have a sexual relationship stems from just plain old physical contact boundaries that I don't want crossed - fear of pain and loss of bodily integrity. I do want an emotional and intellectual relationship with someone, that would include hugging, hand-holding and minor physical contact if at all possible (though if I met my absolute perfect mental companion, I could content myself with a stuffed animal). It's the idea of intense physical contact that puts me off.

That being said, the illogical behavior and high amounts of llama-drama that seem to ensue from physical infatuation and the results thereof is absolutely confounding to me, and makes the whole physical pleasure stuff seem not worth the risks anyways.

As far as a married aspie being more like a mouse ignoring the cheese, its more like the mouse eats all the cheese he can eat and then gets foundered and constipated. Suddenly, the cheese isn't as appealing as it once was. For some aspies, sex is a goal and once you've met that goal, its time to move on to other things.

When I was younger, girls used to approach me all the time. The would do things like shove me into a wall and kiss on me. They would sit next to me and put their arms around me. I even had two of them follow me around like puppy dogs and even into the mens room stall once. I just had no desire to reciprocate. As I got older, the girls found other guys that would reciprocate their feelings and they stopped messing with me. So in my case, being asexual is just the way I am and doesn't have anything to do with being unlucky.

So if anyone is asexual and wants to know what its like to kiss a girl, here is a way. Go outside and find a big rock and kiss it. That's what I feel when I've kissed a girl.

n4mwd,

I find your circumstance to be interesting. You stated when you were younger, girls came all over you and tried to initiate things with you romantically, like shoving you into a wall and kissing you. I was amused with your account of two girls following you like two little puppies all the time. However, by observing what you've said, I can understand why you acted in the manner you did. I know slightly autistic males, such as I and yourself, are not prone to large emotion outbursts or expression of emotion. I reason that because of this, we take things more serious, and in a sense we are more mature than our peers, who live and breathe emotions because that is their nature.

This being said, what autistic guy would want to make out with some random chick who starts making out with him? He doesn't really know this gal romantically and why should he care about her? Without emotion, there is only logic to dictate our thoughts (at least for the slightly autistic, or perhaps I am taking about myself).
Even I, being single 21 years, would turn away a chick who tried to make out with me if I did not know her well.

I believe that even though autistic males may not be prone emotional outbursts of love and devotion, I certainly believe they can express such things given the right circumstances. As for the mouse being constipated and not wanting to eat cheese anymore, I can understand that a little bit. The novelty of sex might wear thin after so many times, but I'm sure there are way to make it new and exciting again. I think apathy can be cured, I just find it hard to believe that some autistic guys seem to be so burned out on love.

i think anyone who calls themselves asexuals are confused, it seems to me by the replies that asexuals just have a low or isolated sex drive, im sure i read somewhere that it is common for Aspergers people, as some people really don't have much contact with the opposite sex or has low self esteem, i do support Sigmund Freuds theory that the Sexaul drive is part of Lifes natural instinct and also keeps the energy perpetuating, so that means any1 who claims to be asexual is really either suicidal (very non outgoing is a sign) or just really isolated from same age different sex people or simply has given up on getting sex all together

Try this site: http://www.asexuality.org

It explains it in fair detail.

Well, I'm asexual, I've had lots of contact with women over the years. I work as a nurse and most of my coworkers are female. Plenty of opportunity, but no desire.

Also, in case you are wondering, my testosterone levels are perfectly normal. I had them checked.

I don't like being asexual. I would rather be gay or straight. But unfortunately, that's the way I was born.

Asexual- Not having or involving sex.

Synonym- nonsexual.

I still have never heard of humans being asexual in medical terms though.

Why is this?

I kind of have a hard time believing this is a topic. It's like a big surprise to everyone that someone thinks or acts a certain way. Hell it's like we're a whole bunch of hideous sewer mutants debating the existence of even more hideous sub-sewer mutants. (First person to point out the reference to me in a pm gets mad kudos points.)

Next topic.

Yeah, because people totally WANT to feel isolated from most others and so obviously choose "lifestyles" that will make them feel excluded and alienated from most groups for that reason.

No, I wouldn't choose to be otherwise just to fit in. However, I say that because I literally cannot see (or rather feel) the appeal of sexual activity, and the risks I see associated with such complicated relationships hardly measure up to the benefits, benefits that make no sense to me. You can't give up on what you never wanted in the first place, as far as I define "giving up." Some people just don't care about or want sex from the get-go. It's not a fad, no more than being gay is.

I don't see why some people get so worked up about asexuality and how it's "wrong," "unnatural," or whatever else people call it. It's not like we're hurting anyone - in fact, we're even preventing harm in some respects (like not spreading STDs or causing/getting unintentional pregnancies). Why is it so important to deny the existence of an asexual orientation?