LADY'S: What's so attractive about a jerk?

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I don't find anything attractive about a jerk, and I want to put all the jerks that I've known, into their places.

Nothing. A true jerk has no appealing personality features.

Thats why they're a jerk. Because they suck.

I think males have different definitions of jerks.

If by jerk you mean someone who isn't scared to make the first move, yes I don't mind jerks.

If by jerk you mean someone who will ask you out to dinner, jerks are great.

If by jerk you mean someone who walks up and asks you to take off your clothes, no, I don't like jerks.

If by jerk you mean someone who is a possessive control freak who wishes to dominate my every move, no I don't like jerks.

If by jerk you mean someone who is charming, well they are going to have to have more than charm because charming individuals I am wary of.

If by jerk you mean someone who views of you as just someone to have sex with, no I don't like jerks.



I would much rather hang out with a smart ass jerk than an obsessive whiner. I've been around both. The smart ass jerk at first couldn't stand because I'd take the person too seriously but then once it became apparent that it was just apart of his joking style, the smart ass jerk showed more layers to his personality.

The obsessive whiner would talk my ear off about how much life sucked, how he hates his life, no girls want him and in some cases this was this person's schtick thinking that it would some how trigger a nurturing response and I would give in to pity sex when actually all it did was make me not want to talk to him ever again.

Well this is certainly an issue that hasn't caused a great deal of personal introspection and personal angst /sarcasm mode off/

I must admit, reading some of the responses from the ladies of our fair forum's quite interesting. I've always had the 'male' side of this discussion (i know a fair few guys who are in the same boat), but to have the female side is both enlightening and intreging.

I've always been an avid hater of the seeming obsession the women around me have with 'bad lads', the c**ts, the arrogent p***ks and general folks who'll treat them like dirt, or are else, for want of a better word, lugheads (yeah, you can feel the love cant you? lol). I've always considered this sort of appeal 'bad lad syndrome'. To me, it's stemming from a seeming need for an exciting, 'dangerous' guy. As one of the few females i've talked to about this said, she liked the thrill of having such a 'dangerous' partner.

However, with what folks have been saying about the idea some women have of being able to change such 'jerks', as well as the whole jerkness for confidence thing, i guess this adds even more detail into the model. I suppose what women mostly want (and please correct me if i am incorrect) for the most part is excitement, and part of that is ignoring the plain but generally interesting and stable bloke for the exciting, rough and tumble guy they believe they can iron the kinks out of later. The fact they seem to be oozing in charisma and confidence (arrogence does have it's advantages) also makes it appealing, especially if it indicates the guy doesn't need supporting or molly coddling himself (something i don't think anyone wants to know they're getting into witha relationship. You want a partner, not a dependant afterall).

But yeah, my thoughts on the whole thing. I do think though that this applies only to a majority of women. The unfortunate thing is, the ones who actually have their heads screwed on right are usually taken (especially in Lrp, where the man-woman ratio is about 5-1)

See. All girls like Jerks. They just dont admit it, but they admit it in a certain way. So I'm have started being a dickhead to girls, like not responding to their text messages, and walking pass them in the hall when i see the, or making fun of them. and they have began to love me.
Being a Jerk is the easy way out. And teh only way out. aspie guys know this, so do it. we should post a thread about how to be a jerk to women. because im sick of this. On dating sites when i write attractive girls I usually at like im the one who they should be with. I ask them why do they have blonde hair, should change it to brown. i do all kinds of stupid stuff. but they like it. MissConstrue likes guys with jerky behavior no doubt as fidel castro is an a**hole, and so does all girls some lesser some more, and some to the extreme. (stay away from the extreme ones lol). so let's be jerks, and get the girls we want.

What im trying to say is be as much of a jerk as you have to be to get the girl you want. if she wants you to beat her and you dont want to then she's alittle crazy. but im just talking about little things

I think girls in general tend to sway towards jerks because they're more interesting. Basically, the highlights are far better than the downsides.

Personally, as a male, if I was to have a girl, she would have to keep me interested with a personality that is the total opposite of my own. I like somebody who isn't submissive, but doesn't require submission either. Basically, a strong person who won't hesitate to fight for what they want.

Uh....I was joking at the time I made that comment Travell. I'm not exactly a fan of the Viva La Revolucion leader who did some pretty nasty things to his people.

But you should admit that his cigars rock

No, because then when you have won her she will discover that the 'real' you is quite different from the facade you were putting up to gain her affection. End of relationship.

Ding ding ding! That's the biggest reason why most relationships fail. Someone is creating a false version of themselves in an attempt to win the other's affection. Once it's won, the ruse can only be held for so long, but it will break eventually, leading to separation and unhappiness all around.

I've literally lost sleep over jerks, their behavior pisses me off so royally that I've spent hours thinking of new ways to despise them.

Ironically, I've been a complete jerk myself in the past.

To me a Jerk is someone who demonstrates a sense of entitlement that is inappropriate for the needs of others. People who take more than they are willing to give seem like jerks. It boils down to respect on a very emotional level. Expressing anger or discontentment towards others isn't wrong behavior, after all they may do things to upset us. But when you express discontentment until you get exactly what you want (without considering how others might feel) you are being manipulative and people will feel used if they give in to your demands. This will result in discontentment.

I resent the dominant male personality because the very type feels entitled to take the very best of things and have little regard for what is left for the others to enjoy. When I see other men demonstrate this behavior I feel emotionally threatened and will make every effort to adapt to the situation by giving him the least amount of satisfaction that I can. I inevitably end up acting like a jerk to deal with a jerk and I've been in fights with people who wanted more from me than I was willing to give.

The balance for me is not to take what other people have, I no longer eye f**k passing couples for the sole purpose of making the man uncomfortable with his happiness, it was wrong of me to do it in the past and I will make the effort not to do it again.

When encountering manipulative behavior it is suitable to acknowledge their emotional desires without giving in, after awhile I noticed that it is easier to tell when people are trying to take things from me that they shouldn't. It is hard to control how a romantic partner feels about other prospects, so if I feel that her eye is wandering too much, I let mine wander too so as to keep my options open in case she decides on someone else.

With that being said, any man who wants to make the move on a relationship I have might have a physical confrontation with me. Victory isn't guaranteed, but I'm willing to put all my effort into showing that type that I'm not an easy target, the standard Jerk looks for easier targets because they aren't willing to put forth the real effort to work for what they want in life.

Jerks show more incentive. They show courage and
a willingness to take chances, which are attractive
qualities.


They also aren't obligated to do the right thing.They
can lie and manipulate, because they aren't limited
to the rules of being a nice guy. It is the same thing
when you buy something from a salesperson that you
weren't sure about, or you see someone invest based
on empty promises that promise a big return. Given
the choice, I could see me falling for the same load
of crap.

Firstly, just to be clear, I dislike guys (and people in general) like this and actively avoid them. But often non-confident guys, and aspies (I've noticed from the posts on this forum) label all confident/outgoing/daring guys as jerks. Possibly out of jealousy? Possibly out of non-comprehension? I don't claim to know the reason.

It's a generalization. Most of the confident outgoing guys out there aren't jerks/a**holes (this is only a very small proportion of the population - and in fact, I find from personal experience that the less confident more insecure guys mostly tend to be the jerks).



Close, but not quite right. It is definitely because of the confidence, but not so much the "thrill" factor but the fact that people prefer to be around more confident people because being around a confident person makes one feel more confident in themselves. And as far as the daring/outgoing bit goes, I prefer a guy who's like this (not stupid though - I don't mean someone who does physical stunts to show off - I'm more talking about people who put themselves out of their comfort zone - and that's true daring) because it means they have an open mind, and are open to learning new things and having new experiences (which is what life's all about).

The thing is, I am a confident/outgoing person who forces themself out of their comfort zone myself, and I don't want to be saddled with someone who's going to hold me back in life by being to afraid to try new things, or too insecure to meet new people.

I guess this is a bit unusual for an aspie, but it doesn't mean I don't screw up socially all the time - I just like to put myself on the line and try more.

Anyway, went on a bit of a tangent but what I'm trying to say is that girls like confident guys (NOT jerks) because they're more able to adapt to the things the girl wants to do. Sounds selfish, but I'm sure guys too prefer to date a girl who will show interest in the same things they like. And as most girls are interested in socializing - voila! Most girls are attracted to confident guys who are more able to adapt to different social situations.

It's not all doom and gloom though, because a person can learn to be confident. I was extremely unconfident for most of my life, but to gain confidence I put myself out there on the line day after day, risking (and often getting) hurt, and being picked on for being outspoken and saying the wrong things. But if you hide away and say nothing at all, how can you ever learn to say the right things?

What I'm trying to get at is that every guy can learn to be confident, and what all takes to get there is courage and the ability to pick yourself up and try again no matter how badly you get hurt.

Strange as it sounds, no person on earth is given confidence for free. Confidence is earned through fire. Only for aspies the fire is 20 times hotter and more painful.

That's why confident guys are attractive; they have the strength of character to walk through the fire and come out the other side. BUT I believe a confident aspie guy would equally be 20 times more attractive, because they'd need 20 times the strength of character to survive the hotter fire. So that's why life, and love, is what you make of it.

I see many insecure guys who have no luck with women complain that even though they are really nice, women do not go for them and go for jerks instead.

Yes this is exactly what I think. Self-labelled "nice guys" are often deep down quite bitter at their bad luck with women and often have bad attitudes towards women when it comes down to it.

Confident and outgoing guys are not necessarily jerks. Some are, but so are some quiet, introverted men as well.

I personally have never had a boyfriend/fling with a guy that I would consider to be a jerk. I do not find them attractive at all. I know plenty of men who have stupid, nasty, controlling girlfriends as well as women with jerky boyfriends. It is not a gender-specific thing in my opinion.

Nothing, but sometimes a guy doesn't seem a jerk at first. It comes out later when the girl has already invested her time and her soul, and it's difficult to simply exit. Pathetic, yes, but it happens.