Is Women's Problem That They Don't Feel the Pain of Rejectio

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I've felt the pain of rejection, three times in my life. I've decided that enough is enough.

Hmmm. In my case, after I accidentally found out where a girl from my last job who I like is working now, I began to avoid going near that place anymore out of fear of actually bumping into her and have her believe I was stalking her. But since I'd really like to run into her and have the chance to get to know her better, what the hell, I started going by there again, and besides, it's one of the places I like to go to as it's where I lived during my early childhood, and also there are several bookstores and other places which I like to visit, in fact I'm probably going there a little later today.

Me too but I guess in our case females don't count...

Funny how some posts containing women's experiences regarding rejection or even being single get ignored or singled out by the same posters who espouse how women don't feel as intensively or as human as men.

Makes me wonder sometimes...

Me too, so next time it would be by force!

I'm kidding, I do get what you mean.

Anyway, for me, rejections are totally fine as long as they are subtle. and women, in my case, are nice about it, I do understand that people have preferences and their right to choose who will be their partner, I mean, it can be said that rejection is a given right otherwise we would have arranged marriages, slavery or similar that takes away that freedom. The thing that I dislike is in the way the rejection is made, when they show as they are better than you and looking at you as if you are a sub-human, of less value, then that gets irritaring, but then, a good question comes to mind, why did I wanted to be with someone like that in the first place?


As for a woman lying to you by giving you a fake number, well, I imagine that that is a lot better, to be rejected through a lie than being lied within a relationship. However the fake number thing might be an issue, what if that is the number of someone else's such as putting the problem to someone else, we get to a morality issue here, in which a nonexistent number seems morally better, not to mention the justification of dishonesty in this situation discussed here which drives us to the issue of the end justifying the means, and I would have thought that generally, aspies despised dishonesty without accpeting any justification.

About women, well, I don't know about women, and must be one of my biggest problems I suppose , so I really can't say much to their end, but it is my impression that one of the problems for women would be the physical aspect, I assume that if you are not attractive enough by our current social and cultural standards then there is a problem, that because I have argued with a guy, saddened by getting rejected himself, about he rejecting women he doesn't find physically attractive, (which he gives a great deal of importance). If women are to be approached by men then the issue of 'being rejected' may turn out to 'being ignored' in such cases I presume.

We keep in touch to a certain degree. We are friends on facebook now. If we see each other we will have a conversation. So, It's maybe not as bad as all that.

Um, no. I've experienced rejection. And not just casual dating rejection. I might have loved the person. It sucks. And I might have just felt it more acutely than YOU do!

The average male is probably directly rejected more than the average female because most societies expect the male to initiate contact. However, many females experience rejection when they passively let a male know they are interested but are still not asked on a date or given any indication that their affection is even recognized.

I am very curious about something. The following questions are directed at the males complaining about females not understanding the pain of rejection they experience.
If females understand or not, what do you want done about it?
Sometimes males let me know they are interested and I have to tell them I am not. I try to be nice, but I make sure I do not give any indication that they should continue trying to win me over. This is not because I am cruel, sadistic, or even unempathetic, it is because I know I am not interested in the person who wants to date me as a romantic partner and it is my belief that it is cruel to lead someone on just to let them down/dump them in the future. If a female (or another male for that matter) was interested in you and worked up the courage to ask you out, but you were completely uninterested in them for whatever reason(s) is important to you, would you go out with them anyway? If so, what would you do then? Would you stay with them out of empathy?
I do not enjoy letting people down, in fact, I hate rejecting people. However, I can not make myself like someone because I feel sorry for them. And wouldn't that be degrading anyway?

The numbers of rejection also depend on who one's asking out. If you're continually approaching women-- or men-- out of your league, then yeah, you're gonna increase the probability of getting rejected.

And as a broad generalization (I say broad) I seem to recall reading somewhere that guys are more prone to over-rating their desirability. So if they're usually the initiators AND they're trying for women who really have little interest in them, well... I think you get the point.

The topic is about the pain of rejection. Quite often the people who react badly to rejection are the ones who fall at the first hurdle and then don't pick themselves up. In other words: Don't assume they are getting rejected more often. The topic is about how they take rejection not how many times. The OP takes rejection as a personal affront to him with bitterness and frustration, and doesn't see it in the broader scope of probability and human nature. Also there is often an entitlement complex, and lack of personal responsibility involved.

To get over the pain of rejection, you have to get rejected some more. But, you have to do it in such a way that it doesn't reinforce resentment or depressive/anxious behaviours.

Your generalisation isn't so far fetched in a sense, although I don't think is specific to gender. There is a tendency for people to overestimate their abilities. This is known of in recruitment (likewise companies exaggerate the job and themselves). However this doesn't seem to be a problem at all, if anything it propels them.

However it is not necessarily those down in the dumps that do much of the exaggerating, they tend to have a more realistic outlook albeit self-defeating.

Right this is purely my point of view.

If someone isn't interested then fair enough, however it would be a nice if the woman in question, was to give her reasons as for why she isn't interested. Explanations such as 'I just don't like you in that way' don't cut it for me, because there is always more to it then that and we only end questioning ourselves where we have gone wrong, could we have done anything different etc. If for example she is money orientated or a single parent looking for someone who they think would be a suitable step-father, then she should admit it, because at least then we know we ain't missing out on much.

From the other side of the argument, if a woman asked me out and I wasn't sure about them, I would at least be prepared to go on a date with them and give them a chance to show a glimpse of what they're really like (something which I think maybe more women should consider doing as too many can hastily decide someone isn't worth the effort) If I actually did this a while ago, meeting up with someone who I had met at a house party a few months earlier but had been told she liked me from my next door neighbour at uni. Unfortunately she didn't show the same curtosey and didn't bother to get back in contatc afterwards.

@Daemonic-Jackal, your expectations of this phase of the dating process are inappropriate. You're certainly entitled to have your expectations, but you're going to be continually disappointed and frustrated that your expectations aren't being met.

When an invitation to date is extended, the woman (or man, for that matter) to whom the invitation is extended is not prepared to offer the reason they're rejecting the invitation. It simply isn't done - because while you may find knowing the reason for the rejection instructive in some way, most individuals rejecting a date would find it gratuitously cruel. Similarly, providing that information would be perceived as cruel. For example, most people would rather respond/hear, "I'm sorry, I'm not interested," than, "I don't find you attractive," or "I think you're a creep."

If you're interested in understanding why you're being turned down for dates, I suggest asking some trusted friends to provide feedback.

Increasing the frequency of rejection is liable to create some sensitivity due to frustration, that's simply what I mean. Rejection is always at least a little painful, no matter one's sex. But if a person is continually approaching women or men because they are "hot", with little better reason than that, they may be rejected with greater frequency.

I have known men especially who continually go for "the hot babe" despite that said "hot babe" would make a horrible partner for them. And if a man especially approaches a woman with the obvious "I want sex" sign plastered all over himself, there are enough women who won't give him a passing glance.

You've completely missed my point, if someone is being rejected (male or female) I think they are entitled to know as to why. It doesn't matter if the reason is shallow, cruel or pentulant, knowing the real reason why to beiung rejected helps start the healing process and enables someone to move on quicker. Also getting feedback from trusted friends isn't reliable either as they may have been given false information (which they would be unaware of)

Please stop making excuses for dishonest individuals.

Actually, I don't think I missed your point at all, so I'll reiterate: your sense of entitlement is inappropriate in the context of the social situation you've described. You behave as though there's some kind of emotional contract involved in asking someone out, and there isn't. Just because you're attracted to someone, and you've expressed that attraction by asking for a date, it doesn't mean the person you've asked owes you anything.

When you ask someone out, you willingly take an emotional risk - the risk of rejection. However, the person you ask out hasn't willingly agreed to accept any risk, either emotional or physical. (I did try to explain that women are not obliged to accept any emotional or physical risk regarding how she chooses to decline an invitation, but unfortunately you didn't accept that explanation).

There is nothing dishonest about saying, "No thanks," when you're asked out on a date. There's nothing dishonest about saying, "I'm not interested." Both of those statements are objectively truthful responses. It is unreasonable of you to expect a woman to risk herself physically or emotionally in order to provide you with more specific feedback about why she doesn't want to date you. She didn't ask for that responsibility; she doesn't want it; she doesn't need it. She doesn't owe you anything just because she struck your fancy.

Finally, I don't know what "healing process" there is or "moving on" involved in asking a woman on a date. It's a finite process. Because you may take asking out a woman more seriously or invest more emotionally in it - again - does not put the onus of your emotional well-being on the young lady responding. You're asking her for a date; she's asked you for nothing. Neither has she given you any assurances that she's willing to provide you with anything. You can expect more from her, but as I stated earlier, your expectations are inappropriate and you're going continue to be frustrated.

People who feel the pain of rejection more a likely to be out of action for some time and take longer to get over a rejection. I also don't think high frequency rejection on the date level isn't that representative of people with these resentments, however they may have that perception. Even with those that are busy, I don't think the problem lies in the numbers, but I agree their tactic and prospect are called into question.

Your conditioning argument works both ways. You can reinforce negative or positive behaviours depending on your thinking.

You can't completely separate sex from relationship forming, however on a conscious level desperation for sex isn't usually going to go down well.