Possible Signs You Should Move On

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sinsboldly
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01 Dec 2008, 11:12 am

MissConstrue wrote:

ToadOfSteel wrote:

sinsboldly wrote:

But, but, but. . if it is INSTINCTUAL in men to reject all but their own offspring how can it be fine (obviously or not) for other men to raise a child of the family of human kind? Have they braved their own instinctual distaste and actually changed their minds, or have they been stripped of their god given instincts by cultural conditioning?

If I'm only being used by a single mother to financially provide for any children she might have, without any opportunity to have children of my own, you can guarantee that I would break it off real fast. I don't like to be used...

Maybe because you were answering to this post which is not exactly on topic with what Sinsboldy posted @ NeantHumain which was questioning NeantHumain's theory about animal man instinct.

my mistake, I apologize, Toad of Steel. Thank you MissConstrue for keeping me real!

Merle

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sinsboldly
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01 Dec 2008, 11:13 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:

sinsboldly wrote:

well, no one likes to be used, Toad. That is perfectly understandable behaviour in such a situation you stated, but why make up all that junk about animal behaviour and human instinct to just say you don't like being used?

I didn't say any of that stuff about animalistic behavior, that was someone else... I merely stated that I wouldn't want to raise someone else's kids and be completely precluded from having kids of my own...

you are quite right, I apologize, Toad of Steel, my mistake.

Merle

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ToadOfSteel
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01 Dec 2008, 11:16 am

I wouldn't worry about it... there's about 12 discussions going on in this one thread alone...

Haliphron
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01 Dec 2008, 12:11 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:

sinsboldly wrote:

I have often wondered why people felt this way about 'somebody else's children'. I can understand not wanting to raise children at all, but what is this about not wanting to raise somebody' ELSE'S children? I just don't understand, is all.

Single mothers, as we've established in this thread, tend to want to raise the kid(s) they already have and tend to be less interested in adding more children to the list, and any man they later find they're more interested in a stable financial base to raise said existing kids. Conversely, most of us aspies, if we are to raise any children at all, we want them to be out own children...

Its Not just "us aspies" ToadOfSteel, MOST men, in fact, Most PEOPLE prefer children of their own to having to raise
children they did not create! I have no doubt there are evoluationary/biological reasons behind this. The desire to have children
stems from the instinctive need to pass on ones genes. You are mortal and will eventually die, but if you have children your genes will *live on*.

Lurv
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01 Dec 2008, 1:05 pm

Personally, if I were going to raise children at all, I would prefer children that were "not my own," but then, I am female.

Haliphron
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01 Dec 2008, 2:21 pm

Lurv wrote:

Personally, if I were going to raise children at all, I would prefer children that were "not my own," but then, I am female.

I dont think being female has anything to do with it, but then again I culd be totally wrong. Perhaps women really are more accepting of children(in terms of raising them) that they didnt create then men...

Haliphron
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01 Dec 2008, 2:28 pm

sinsboldly wrote:

well, female animals are usually not breeding again until their latest have matured to take care of themselves, so they aren't around when the next rutting breeding season starts, so I don't know if you are talking about the male of the group running off the young males, and if they were young females he would use the opportunity to breed with them, so I don't see that analogy as an answer.

Merle

I think the former is what he's talking about: an older male running off the younger males in order to eliminate the competition for the female he's with. But have you heard about the oedipus complex? Its often dismissed as Freudian pseudoscience but AFAIK its VERY real. I would have a hard time dealing with a single mothers son by another man because my *emotional brain* would regard him as another male competing for the attention of the female I love. And yet I would not feel that way about my OWN sons, same with someone elses daughter.

NeantHumain
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01 Dec 2008, 5:24 pm

sinsboldly wrote:

I hypothesize that this instinct has to do with testosterone such that some men feel it less and some more. Secondly, like most of our more primal impulses, a person can intellectually choose to override by, for example, realizing the pool of available non-mothers in their age range is too small, or they may derive some secondary satisfaction from the act of nurturance which overrides the more jealous instincts.

I am still young enough that I should be able to ignore the single-mother set as viable mates.

Lurv
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01 Dec 2008, 6:18 pm

Haliphron wrote:

Lurv wrote:

Personally, if I were going to raise children at all, I would prefer children that were "not my own," but then, I am female.

Haha, what I meant was that as a female I see an advage to it (no giving birth).

PhR33kY
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01 Dec 2008, 6:45 pm

Max_Headway wrote:

ToadOfSteel wrote:

Most of us aspies, if we are to raise any children at all, we want them to be our own children

I wouldn't, due to the danger of passing on some form of autism.

Why? What's wrong with autism?

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PhR33kY
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01 Dec 2008, 6:58 pm

NeantHumain wrote:

I have given some thought to having children, and I might be for it with the right woman, but considering my present lack of relationships, that's a long way's off. I have a strong visceral reaction against raising someone else's kid, though. As I said, it is instinctual in men.

Instinctual in men? Oi, buddy, how about you just speak for yourself instead of trying to be the voice of manhood? A child wouldn't disqualify a woman at all, and if the kid's really a lovable thing, it could even increase the chances a woman would have. You might not like the idea of raising another man's child, but that child is as much a person deserving of love as you are, buddy. To catagorically reject someone based on factors beyond that individual's control is just plain prejudice. All children are equally precious, your own and anyone elses.

Instinct tells me to do whatever the hell I can to continue the advancment of the human race first and foremost, propogating my own bloodline is second to that, without exception.

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Orbyss
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01 Dec 2008, 7:08 pm

My half brother loves women with kids because he loves their damn kids. It's adorable. He'll never be a dad himself, which isn't a stupid mood, but he makes an awesome, and totally natural, step-dad. It's definitely instinctual for him to be a dad, whether it's his or not.

Haliphron
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01 Dec 2008, 7:42 pm

PhR33kY wrote:

NeantHumain wrote:

Neanthuman NEVER said that kids are not people or are any less deserving of love! But its not uncommon for men to have issues with the children of single mothers; of course you can ALWAYS find an exception to every rule(I dont need any more counterexamples to be convinced that not all men dislike kids that arent their own thank you). What I DO think though is that if a man hooks up with a single mother despite his (emotional)inability to accept her children and mistreats them, that is FAR WORSE than if he simply avoids single mothers in the first place.

BTW PhR33kY: ANYONE(including Neanthuman) has the right to reject someone else(romantically or even platonically)if they choose to do so and they're not obligated to justify or defend their reasons for it :!:

Women reject men ALL THE TIME for incredibly superficial reasons, some of which would brand them as "prejudiced/biggoted" if they were open about them.
I dont really think its your place to judge Neanthuman or anyone for feeling the way they do when it comes to something like this.

TXaspie
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24 Dec 2008, 7:36 pm

Quote:

Trouble
"Do you own a gun?", "Do you still do pot?" are questions I asked her on the first (and last) date. Everything was going superbly until she dropped a few bombs about her recent past. Friendly, open, attractive, free spirited—but risky.

Dude, open, attractice and free spiririted sounds like the ideal mate.

It sounds like to me you just don't want anybody, you're too judgemental. Wake up.

Tim_Tex
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26 Dec 2008, 12:43 pm

Here are things that would send me running:

"I don't want kids"

"If I got pregnant, I would get an abortion"

(If she already has kids, the first two don't apply)

"I hate the Simpsons and South Park with a vengeance"

"Anything beyond a G-rating is offensive"

"I hate Christians, because they're just a bunch of racist, sexist, homophobic SOBs"

"I want to wait X number of years before being with anybody"

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Last edited by Tim_Tex on 26 Dec 2008, 6:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

NeantHumain
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26 Dec 2008, 4:40 pm

TXaspie wrote:

Dude, open, attractice and free spiririted sounds like the ideal mate.

It sounds like to me you just don't want anybody, you're too judgemental. Wake up.

Dude! I'm just trying to rationalize her not calling me back. :wink:

Really, she seemed all right, especially if you could mentally negate or downplay the very real risks associated with her. I really dug the unconventionality and hilarious attitude she had towards the reverent seriousness we are supposed to have towards art, politics, and religion (I found it hilarious when she said she wanted to paint abstract art because it's easier and then she could sell it to pretentious rich people for lots of money—about summarized my attitude towards much of abstract art right there and my own joking ideas about it).

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