An online dilemma ... plz help.

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I think the best thing to do is to resume chatting her normally as if she said nothing that day and see what will happen...

But I'll start backing a little away...

Last edited by LePetitPrince on 20 Dec 2008, 9:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

Reread my thread ,I said she's sociable and have plenty of friends in real life ...

I don't think her parents are overprotective and she doesn't live in a small town (but in a very large city in fact.)

Umm...she was in a British school and her main language is English, she's weak in Arabic.

OK....

I think this is your best move at the moment. Please don't stop talking to her, you'll hurt her more that way. Just be her friend. It's possible that she loves you as a friend, not as a potential lover. You might have brought some happiness to her with your conversation. Don't read too much into it, I don't think she's looking for a boyfriend. Just keep the conversation in chat and if she actually says she has feelings for you, tell her how you feel. Just always be honest but don't be mean. It's okay to have a good friend and enjoy time talking.

I disagree, I think "being friends" is not going to be enough for her if she is already romantically obsessed with LPP. if he keeps this up, not meaning to ever meet her or be with her, he might be taking the girl's time for nothing, while she could've been out meeting people more and maybe meeting her future husband somewhere out there (overly optimistic, but not impossible).

I ll start to chat with her less and less frequently till the whole matter dies alone.

Yeah, I was responding to whoever posted something like "she must not be popular in real life, if she is using the internet to meet people"
Sorry, I should have quoted them, to avoid confusion.

it's getting a bit more obvious now .... I told her that I was chatting with someone else (and made it sure to say she's a girl) she asked me if I was ignoring her for her. The 'ignoring period' was due to bad connection and so my IMs were very delayed and some were never even received by her (since they've returned as failures to me).

That's more than just 'luff'.... I guess.

I need to accelerate the backing away process, while I am feeling guilty by doing this but it would be worse if this keeps up.

I don't understand why this is a problem.

She doesn't have enough data to form a conclusion, neither do you.

If she meets you in person and decides that you're a doorknob because you act like an aspie, I don't think that would be a new experience for you, like something you couldn't deal with.

The possibility also exists that she might be somebody worth having around in your life.

The reason I said what I did is because I can relate to this. Though I might have feelings for the person I chat with, the friendship means more and I don't want to lose that. I can keep my feelings to myself and just enjoy the time spent. Thankfully, my friend didn't back out and leave me wondering what I did wrong.

I really don't think you should back out of this if you enjoy talking to her. The guilt is telling you something. You are going to punish her because she likes you. It seems like your scared of the attention. It's over a computer, there is nothing she can do that would hurt you. You don't have to return her feelings or take things further. If she says she loves you, just let her say it. You don't have to return a thing, just be honest with her. There are far worse things in life then to be loved. While you might think "online" relationships aren't real, they are to some people. It is to me.

It is a problem because it will be a waste of time for her. If she's a sociable outgoing person as she claims then she'll have a faster and better chance to meet her future bf outside.

For me , I won't lose much since I can't stand outgoing (full of parties,clubbing..) lifestyle anyways but for her it's a big loss of time...

LPP you should remain friends with her, nothing wrong with that.

It is her problem if she decides to have the hots for you without even meeting you IRL.

That's all you're worried about? She might be wasting her time?

It's her life and her time. Can't she decide for herself whether meeting you is a waste of her time?

If you'd been misrepresenting yourself, claiming to be an astronaut or a bodybuilding champion or something, then it would be a waste of her time, but I don't think that's the case.

If she's a sociable outgoing person, she's fully aware of the opportunities that lifestyle presents. What, she needs an aspie to tell her she can meet people at parties and clubs?

This could turn out to be something good. Not saying it definitely will, but I think you're a fool if you don't find out.

Ok, you do have a point ...but she lives so far away, you do realize that ,no?

You have done all you can.

My experience is that social people can be unrealistic, the conscious mind is different from instinct behaviour. What makes them successful is they try things and get over things faster. So whether it is a mistake or not you can't help.

I think your idea to carry on is spot on. I would just remind her that you are stick by what you said and if she want to form an attachment she does so at her own risk. You don't rule out a relationship, but that doesn't happen untill you actually meet. Online relationship is somethign else.

If she is in Sudan. It is a difficult country to go out. Having lived in a country win Africa with a civil war, there are expat communities and some stuff to do, but it is much more difficult and time consuming because of the security aspect. Sudan is a country where people get abducted regularly mainly for cash ransoms. It doesn’t surprise me that she will form relationships online.

Also some African families mollycoddle and control their children, so they all have to be doctors, etc. She may be sheltered who knows.

Also the cynic in me thinks that she may have caught wind of your views of online relationships and may be trying to test them. However you are way too negative so I don't want to encourage you. If it is the case it doesn't have to be the en of the world.