I'm an NT girl falling for a guy with AS...i need advice

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Isn't there an option to just quote the most recent post on a topic? Takes up a lot of unnecessary space quoting an entire string of posts....

one can cut the other part out but that is a bit annoying to have to do.

Which makes it even less likely that he's learned the skill of being a "perfect liar". Choosing to lie about a subject to begin with assumes having an understanding of how another person will respond to the truth as well as what they would consider plausible and how they would respond to plausible alternatives. Understanding those things about the way other people think and communicate are abilities that are underdeveloped with autistic people and make learning to lie more difficult because you have to first learn what to lie about and what alternatives to substitute. Having less time to learn those things makes him less likely to be good at it, not more likely. Being diagnosed makes him less likely, having disclosed makes him less likely and being younger makes him less likely. So even assuming that you're right that being autistic makes a person no more likely to be an honest person (which is still debatable), in context you've only provided examples of reasons why he specifically is more likely to be an honest person.

i dont think most aspies have much of an issue with touching. also, mild case? ive reached a point where im not awkward at all anymore, because sometimes social skills really develop in aspies, just later than 4 NTs. It's worse than my case where at 15 u would never believe im supposed 2 b disabled. Also, I think u should go out with him. It would rly help him 2 boost his confidence and develop his social skills.

Its a lot easier to get away with lying when you are younger, what works well in your mid-teens is less effective when you get to uni for instance.

Prepared lies are very easy. It normally starts with lying about something trivial.

No, being on the spectrum is a massive advantage. One, NT's can't read your body language anyway. Two, you can abuse your misinterpretations about stuff to form the lie. Three, we have different priorities to NT's, so we can more easily absolve ourselves of the guilt of lying.

Put it this way, I learnt how to lie extremely effectively in the space of a month. It was something that I took advantage of for all my school years.

Disclosed to everyone? Afaik, he has only told his gf and a few others. Kind of means he has had to lie or deflect the truth.

Wrong, yet again.

I would argue that an Autistic person should be less honest, after all since when did NT's ever earn our honesty. Plus we have had our fingers burned more times, so more incentive to learn how to lie. Even if it is initially from the perspective to tell if someone else is lying.

O.M.G. I know EXACTLY what you're going through, believe me!

My boyfriend Luke has Asperger's as well. He's not a severe case, but you can tell he has it, and is SO into video games. It kind of bores me, but I don't mind. He's happy when he plays them, so that's all I want. ^^

I'm also 15, and he's 16. Last September, I had started liking him, and I couldn't stop myself. It just grew more and more, and I found myself thinking about him all the time! I had diagnosed myself with a severe case of love, lol, and I pursued him. We were already friends, but around March, my friend Micha texted him and told him I loved him. He began to talk to me right away, questioning about how it felt, and was really intrigued by me. He invited me over to his house to talk and stuff, and we watched movies all day. Now here's where it gets silly. He allowed me to love him, as well as tell him, even kiss him! But he wouldn't love me back. Little did I know, he was having his own battle, as it is hard for them to process to many overwhelming thoughts and feelings. He couldn't decide whether he was in love with me or not. He was confused, and I wasn't helping, but I didn't know any better. But he soon realized it, and then he became distant. He didnt' want to tell me. Later along in our relationship *yes, we're together now*, he tells me that he was distant because he was afraid to hurt me. So here's where I help you.

I asked everyone on here for advice as well, and with my own self knowledge after looking up the syndrome's information over and over again. *Yes, I was obsessed in knowing all about it. lol*, I pushed on in trying to get him to love me and just admit it.

He finally told me, after 7 months, that he loved me on May 2nd of 2008. ^^

Here's what you need to know- Aspies are realists, and with realists come logic and pessimism. As the person who likes the aspie *or even love them*, you need to have a positive attitude. TRUST ME. You need to make sure you can reassure them, but you have to be smart about it. The only way you'll win most of the time is with logic, as well as compassion.

You'll also need patience. LOTS of patience. In a lot of things- conversations, understanding intonations of your voice, everything. But once you get used to it, it's not so hard to do. I love him dearly, so it's quite simple.

Sometimes, even though it seems rude, you need to be blunt. They don't get it sometimes, so it'd just be better for both of you if you're blunt, if the conversation is going nowhere. ^-~

Lastly, make sure you pay attention to what he likes and doesn't like. They're very particular about their schedules, so if you're late to something, or if you do something a wrong way, or even distress him, it could end pretty badly.

Here's a warning and a piece of advice- ASPIES HAVE MELTDOWNS. Big ones, sometimes. PLEASE ask him what happens in regards to them, and what causes them. Typically, they have a fit of rage, and you need to get away fast. There's almost no help for them at that point. Just give him time to calm down, and go back to comfort him when he's done.

The last thing is that loving an Aspie is one of the luckiest things you can do. They're emotionally deep. As in, they're very...true when it comes to feelings, especially the loving kind. If you look at his eyes, tell me- do they seem to tell you how he's feeling, a story of some kind? They're said to reflect their souls. And with Luke, that's true. I can tell what he's thinking, how he's feeling, and that he truly loves me. They're quite intersting to look at.

Just do what your heart tells you. Each Aspie is different, but I hope I've helped. But to stay with him, you will most certainly need patience and a very caring heart. And in return you have love that seems eternal and better than anyone else can give you. The relationship in the beginning will be a little bit awkward, as was mine, but we've never broken up and have been together for almost 9 months now. You just do as I told you, talk to him. Communication is key with him. You have to be sure to tell him everything, because if there's ever a problem, he won't know if you only hint at it. Please message me back with a response. I'm really interested in how it's going and stuff. ALSO, Luke would like to talk to you about it. He's an Aspie, so he's going to know what your guy will be experienceing. Don't worry, he's nice and is quite knowlegable in being social, so he'll be very friendly. ^^ So if you have an AIM, could you send it to me? I'll tell him what it is, and he'll help you out.

HOPE I'VE HELPED! GOOD LUCK!! ^^

I'm just gonna say you're full o' crap and leave it at that. I have refutations for all of your last set of comments, I'm just tired of dealing with you.

Basically you can't win an argument so are running away.

Why would you want to stoop to the NT level?

Well...Coming from a relatively non-socially akward NT guy thats 15, ill put my 2 cents in....

First off, I can tell you really like him. For you to get on a site like this full of "us" (lol) is pretty nice, and devoted. No a relationship with a guy with AS isnt bad...I mean no one really knows or can tell I have AS and so far nothing bad has happened to me. While its true allot of aspies dont like touching, I know it doesnt bother me (I used to hate people touching my shoulders when I was 4 but now I enjoy people rubbing my shoulders when I am tense just a small note). You can probably tell if he doesnt like being touched, if your sitting next to him and he seams almost secluded that might be a sign that he doesnt like that. I know I like to talk, holding things inside is never good! Just talk with him a bit that helps! If you could explain briefly what he acts like or some of the things you dont understand why he does Im sure myself and others could answer to that and come up with suggestions.
-Nate

The penalties for not doing so are too high. Face it we are in their system, their society. We might as well have the sense to accept the reality until we can change it. Honestly is unlikely to help in changing their society either, we are too small a group. Alternative, less honest, strategies are far more effective.

okay thanks for everyone help...and uhh debate too I guess.
its now pretty clear that he likes me now...i mean he is actualy not avoiding me, and he trys to start a conversation and be engaging...though its usualy akaward or difficult. He is also always looking over at me, even if i'm not talking to him, and he does that boyish thing of teasing/playful stuff...well he tries at least.

i know a couple times i've made the mistake of saying the wrong thing and he takes it the wrong way, and i have to explain later...but it always works out.

You're right, I can't win the argument. That's why it's not running away.

Not because my side doesn't have merit, but merely because you're unwilling to consider it. How long do you bash your head against a brick wall before you decide the pain in your head isn't the wall's fault?

Speaking of which, the "you can't win so you're running away" line is a pretty stupid BS head-game, trite and completely transparent.

Plus I felt like the thread had already been too hijacked by this inane debate over your bs anyway.

Everyone except the original poster....Please shut up. She doesnt want to listen to this crap she wants to here relevant info. My gosh lets show some intelligence here, its like having a house guest and trashing your house while they are there. Show some manners or at least try.

Yeah be careful with the humor. I find allot of things funny and Im a pretty funny guy my self but REALLY dry humor (like Im talking dry as sand here) is hard to grasp, especially when theres no indication its meant to be dry. I swear to God I have a friend and she uses dry humor all the time and its so hard to grasp, so awkward for me sometimes. Most aspie guys will not go "Hey you want to go see a movie" so you have to take the initiative as awkward as that may sound for you as a girl (or not Idk) its about 20x worse to the tenth power if your an aspie.

-Nate

Last edited by Airborne on 24 Jan 2009, 9:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Well said, Nate.

Danceyourdance ~ Ignore the debate stuff. Just enjoy your time with the boy. That's all that matters.

Because the post I made three posts down on the first page is irrelevant crap...

btw, if you wanted a better example of dry humor, there it is... I tend to employ such dry humor when people like you piss me off by responding to something I thought was well-thought out, saying that it "lacked intelligence"...

If you're happy go for it. I personally wouldn't trust an NT though but thats just me.