28, and never even had a date...
Good point. I am 39 and still a virgin and even when women show interest in me, I give off an A-vibe as in (Asexual) and am left wondering where I can go from there.
You just gotta get out there more. You got to be confident and be yourself. I know many overweight people who seem to be the 'ladies men' and there are even some people I know who don't look very attractive who get dates. Its all about your personality.
But what do I know, I'm 14 and I have not even been kissed by a girl before... wait, does on the cheek count? If so then yeah one girl kissed me on the cheek once but still.
Nononono...this line of thinking is all the more reason to get the heck out of there, even if he has to room up with one or two people for a while.
I'm not saying it is bad to want to take care of sick or elderly parents. Many people do so. But its important to have a CHOICE in the matter. When you are an adult and find yourself in a position where you HAVE to look after your old/sick parents/relatives "or else..." then you might as well consider this a testament to yourself being a tool, a doormat, and generally a complete and utter failure.
And this is exactly why moving out of my parents house rates high up there along with my other goals. Being in a position where you have to choose between the roof over your head and taking care of needy people is NOT a place where anyone wants to be... EVER!! !
Right on Oomogi! I am very interested in politics and I believe in legalized prostitution with regular health inspections and condoms as a solution to a lot of the worlds problems. Let us defend freedom!
Anyway, D-man you da man, you sound like a pretty intelligent man. I especially appreciate your comments about Darwin and Nietzsche. It depends on your interests and your values, but I would support what Oomogi suggests. Remember though women think on emotion not logic!
Now if your really interested in creating attraction in women, well I can say that it really sucks being an aspie. First of all women care more about personality then looks, though looks do matter. Get a lap dance to release the sexual tension, don't be needy, Hit the Gym hardcore, go for runs, increase your confidence or at least appear confident (It states this in The Prince) and don't get discouraged!
In relation to your comments on Social Darwinism most human social behavior is related to sexual reproduction, and women are looking for the tribal leader! Become the tribal leader!
TheLonelyGamer
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 27 Mar 2009
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 69
Location: Deptford, NJ
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D-man, two words: Community Theater.
There are community theaters everywhere. They need all kinds of people, all shapes and sizes and since its community theater they really can't afford to be picky. If you can sing like you say you can, you have a leg up on being cast in any musical production. Go audition and when you get cast, focus on playing your roll and working with the other players. The thrill of the show is a bonding experience and you will meet women and you will likely meet someone who likes you as much as you like them. I've been there - I've seen guys with your very description and talents get girlfriends and live happily ever after...
Another good option are Rennaisance faires. Not going to them, that is fun, but getting on cast. It works just like the community theater.
Either way - its a blast. You get to dress up in funny clothes and pretend to be another person. You get training in crafting the image you project. You get aplause and you will get fans - even if only a handful (which for an aspie is plenty - trust me). You will touch someones life with your performance and in touching their lives, yours will be enriched.
I've done both and I know what I am talking about.
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The river tells no lies - but, the dishonest man, standing near, will hear them. - Oma
I am not responsible for what I say - you are! I am only responsible for the words I speak. - me
I'd imagine that at 30 women start lowering their standards for looks and look more at personality. It sounds like you are a nice guy that could certainly find another shy, sheltered person like yourself. The best advice I can give to you is not to give up and try to get out there more often; there are definitely women your age who would enjoy your company.
You may not find anyone right away, but if you are really determined to do it, sitting in your house and feeling bad about yourself isn't going to fix anything.
richardbenson
Xfractor Card #351
Joined: 30 Oct 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,553
Location: Leave only a footprint behind
oh dont even worry about it dude, im 28 aswell and havent done anything my peers do. you gotta roll with your bad self who sais sociaty is right? nobody knows! its just an accepted custom/tradition to get married by 25 with the 2 1/2 kids and car garage. plus im also reminded of one thing, more money more problems. its like that you know? what i mean is if you get all heavy up on life you are garenteed a shedload of ducking nitemares. it aint worth it, go out in style enjoy your life and collect sh-t. be smart about it though make a return for your investment my n***a and you'll be alright
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Winds of clarity. a universal understanding come and go, I've seen though the Darkness to understand the bounty of Light
D-man: It can happen.
I'm 38 and I finally lost my virginity last October. I'm still seeing the woman responsible. I met her online. One of the things she went for was talent, in my case art, and she gambled on my looks - we met in person before she even saw a photo. (Admittedly, I'm tall, OK-looking, not overweight.) She is very attractive. The relationship part has been rocky but we have a few weird quirks in common and keep working on staying together.
Prior to this breakthrough, I was in your boat. Lonely, self-image suffering, prospects gloomy. I considered suicide on occasion. I alternated bouts of trying new things to find a mate with giving up for long periods. I was hung up on losing my virginity, and it was hard to think about anything else.
Now that I've been on the other side of the fence, I can report back to the guys who are still where I was six months ago. Sex is good, but it's not all that. It's rather like masturbating while lying on top of somebody. There are ways in which it is better than masturbating, and ways it's worse, but there's no fireworks going off, no fundamental change in your life outlook. Losing my virginity was good, and not really a letdown, but it did not fundamentally change my life the way you think it might for you. No question, it was a relief to solve a problem that haunted me for over 20 years, and I'm still pleased at the milestone, but you get over that fairly quickly, and can be left wondering "Is that all?"
So, back to you: when you finally get laid, you will still be the D-man, which as of today means overweight, living with relatives, working a crap job. You don't necessarily have to change all of these current things to get laid, but getting laid won't change them. So as much as the positive-vibe advice can be annoying and depressing, I have to echo it: live your life, work on the problems that face you, pursue your own interests, and don't lose hope. In your case I'd look into the singing options people mentioned (community theater, Renaissance fairs), tackle the weight issue, keep fishing for singles online, and consider a job upgrade. But do these things for YOU, not just with an eye toward improving your chances to meet somebody for sex and/or more. I still have the same interests and issues and problems I did before I met my girl, except for being a virgin and never having had a girlfriend. Sex/love is only one facet of life, and is not some sort of magical key that unlocks your potential in the other facets (a myth I subscribed to for many a bitter and lonely year). Live for you, work on you, keep trying. Relative to me, you may have a disadvantage with the weight issue, but you also have ten more years to work on these problems before reaching the age where I had my success.
You can never count on getting laid or relationships (especially if you have AS. I would almost go as far as to say we are f****d in this regard so don't base your happiness on getting women to approve of you). I say, get busy working and start building up a life that way. You'll be busy all the time, hopefully somewhat successful, and if you still can't get a girlfriend, at least you'll have money for escorts and some professional counseling. My life is going that way. At almost 26, my life is shaping up that way. I'll be living this way for an indefinite period of time, but this my best option so I accept it.
this may not be much of a comfort but, dates and sex are overrated.
:]
im a year younger than you, ive had uh... two? disastrous dates (as in boring and pointless as hell) and a VERY few one-nights-lucky-moments, that were completely unrelated to the dates, and also not the BIG event everyone pumps it up to be. the only reason you crave it, is because you dont have it. like the green grass on the other lawn.
i dunno what advice to give, since i have had no real relationship myself. but if its only laid you want, then see if you can tag along w friends to a party or to a nightclub (horror), and just FORCE some returning glances to whoever chick sends you one.
remember, in movies, wrong moves and clever smiles to the wrong girl are often severely punished (the girl slaps, or splashes their drink on the poor bugger, or kicks him in the sack), but that is ONLY FOR CINEMATIC EFFECT. in REALITY, if you make a mistake, and smile to the wrong girl, she simply looks away or whatever. you're not gonna lose anything by trying.
the only way i got lucky, was just that: luck :/
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''In the world I see - you are stalking elk through the damp canyon forests around the ruins of Rockefeller Center.''
I've heard it said: "Nothing is more overrated than sex and nothing more underated than a good dump."
...so, go eat some fiber.
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The river tells no lies - but, the dishonest man, standing near, will hear them. - Oma
I am not responsible for what I say - you are! I am only responsible for the words I speak. - me
I've heard it said: "Nothing is more overrated than sex and nothing more underated than a good dump."
...so, go eat some fiber.

thats SO true!
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''In the world I see - you are stalking elk through the damp canyon forests around the ruins of Rockefeller Center.''
What is the worst that can happen to you if you don't have children? You are eliminated from the human gene pool?
Ok lets say you wasted your life and your genes, you still don't have anything to worry about if you are dead, unless you believe in infinite Hell or something which is a whole different level of punishment. Torture in Hell for all eternity is everyone's biggest nightmare.
You are still being punished though by being eliminated from the human gene pool and have no children to remember you after you are dead but the human race also suffers a punishment for rejecting you like that: it has less humans to continue it.
