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It's a real conundrum. If only there was a practical way to solve it, but you can't force women to love you. I feel it must be in the approach, and there must be ways to resolve the problem.

After I finish my bachelor, masters, and maybe doctorate in psychology I promise I will look into this issue.

It would help if we could prevent people from feeling like crap even though they got mostly rejection all their lives. The thing about people turning violent is this: if a person keeps getting treated like a monster, they BECOME a monster. It takes a lot of strength not to become one under those circumstances. We need to prevent this from happening as much as possible. One thing to do is to stop telling the romantically-challenged that they're "losers" or "creeps."

It was the happiest time of her life. My grandfather wasn't nice to her. The Depression wasn't nice to her. She had a rough time. The second husband almost made up for it all. A 70-year old is still alive. They want the same things everyone else wants, for the same reasons. This particular couple was healthy, but even if they're not, they would still want companionship.

I was referring to the turnover rate in relationships at that age. It's not true that "all the good ones are taken." I'm not sure what you're saying here, but I think the attitude is disturbing.

No, but it's not going to change.Looking back at a couple of times I've been fired, I suspect that they lied for reasons related to insurance or unemployment. I can think of a number of unrelated situations where people are flatly required by law to lie. The world does not value honesty. We need to find a way to wrap our minds around that fact and find a way to live with it.

Speaking of which, feel free to comment on my survey, "What are your Basic Instincts?"
It's almost like their aversion to Truth is a genetic defect.
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt93877.html

Anyway, where I was going before was to think about things from a different perspective, because the female candidates are all in a different phase of life now. Things that made sense to them at the age of 20 no longer apply.

I don't know about this song. It has some outdated references that might not work for you younguns. Oh, well, I'll give it a shot anyway. Call it food-for-thought or just ignore it. It works for me because I can still hear the music and know the words.
http://video.google.com/videosearch?cli ... =N&tab=wv#

"The Sadder-But-Wiser Girl For Me" from "The Music Man" (Broadway musical)

So you'd rather they just say they find you very unnatractive and wouldn't date you if you were the last guy on earth? Maybe they actually thought you just wanted to be friends from the beggining. Just cause you hang out with a female doesn't mean something more is going to happen.

Blamming the women isn't going to help at all. Even though they're partly to blame as well in a lot of situations. You can either wish to change the entire female race or change yourself.

Oh -- a close friend of ours, Sam, got married for the first time at the age of 50. This was some time after he bought a house for himself. His wife had three teenagers. Personally, I dislike her intensely, but I don't need to live with her. They get along, more or less. Sam is pure NT. Very outgoing, very interested in girls, just not very pretty.

We had another friend, Ed. I don't know that he had Asperger's, but he was definitely different, socially. He had lots of friends because he was very pleasant, but never a girlfriend. Anyway, his parents helped him to buy a house when he was in his mid 20's and the next thing I knew, he was married. And to a girl of the right religion, too, with no baggage. They had two kids and seem perfectly happy. They're still together, 20-some years later.

I don't know your financial situation, but you might have heard that it's a buyer's market out there. Younger women might be impressed by status symbols like clothes or a car, but real estate is real. More important than the money itself, it reeks of emotional stability. And it's not money out the window. It's way, way cheaper in the long run than an apartment. For the house we're in right now, no apartment in the state that is legally habitable and suitable for children would have a rent that's lower than our monthly mortgage payment.

Last edited by Tahitiii on 17 Mar 2009, 9:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

It's not just an Aspie problem, all people have trouble finding love. We've all been rejected. The bottom line is that you can't make someone love you. You have no control over anyone else, only yourself. You have to take an active role in what you want. You won't have a mate fall in your lap while your on the computer. You have to meet people and talk to people. Get friends to help you find someone. Most of all.. never give up!!

Exactly

Neither does trying to shame him in the hopes that he'll just go away.


Yes, but if people were just a little more considerate, and gave those "nice guys" more of a chance while they're still "nice," we'd have fewer psychos to worry about. In the meantime, I will continue to do my best to retain what's left of my sanity and not become a full-blown psychotic serial killer, in spite of being deemed a "reject/creep/loser/whatever" and a lifetime with little to no companionship or affection.


"And NEVER surrender!" (sorry, I couldn't resist...)

Last edited by Cyberman on 17 Mar 2009, 9:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

Just being nice isn't enough. And if someone turns into a psycho cause they have no luck with women, they can't be as nice as they think. If their current tactics don't work, learn from what went wrong and try something else.

Okay... the thing about nobody just landing in your lap makes sense... the getting out there also makes sense...

But seriously... why in the name of all that is good do you have to use the bloody shotgun method? Why do you have to ask a girl out 5 seconds after meeting her? That seems counterproductive to determining if you're compatible with someone, to be honest. If a woman could just give me a month or so, I could provide a better answer as to that...

A hermit like me is perfectly capable of being friends with our exes or rejectors with the exception they don't beg for too much attention from us. You and TIm, and other people like you who feel the world hands you hell via rejection should NEVER BE FRIENDS with people that reject you. I mean it. And look I count two examples....

1: The most un-fun part about it, is you get to watch more closely your ex or rejector drool and obsess about person A and person B. Read their emails about them having a crush over A or B, and how they wished like gold they wish they had them rather than you.

2: If you are one of the only friends the rejecter has, they will use YOU as their ranting ground to relieve their own stress about relationships. Whether they will actualy listen to your feelings about dateing is quite debatable. Just imagine reading and hearing about "oh god, I wish I had so and so..." for weeks on end, knowing full well they dumped you with ease.

One needs to move on and forget about it, not be reminded constantly. As an NT would say ~It will never heal if you don't stop picking.~ "picking only makes it grow or get moldey"

We both have our curcumstances that make us think about death. You're is just different than mine is. mine is financial oriented, of course. Big surprise there. Did you seriously try to change yourself to have them. OH PLEASE God, don't do that, they ain't worth it man!

Last edited by LiendaBalla on 17 Mar 2009, 10:37 am, edited 4 times in total.

Frankly, most people aren't, including those who are "lucky." Like I said, it takes a lot of strength not to become a monster if that's how you've been made to feel all your life.

Not motivating.

Oviously a different curcumstance would make YOU feel like a super looser or failure. Imagine that you imerse yourself into that sitution you feel is so important or nessisary and start feeling a little pride and confidence, and you lower your barriers because you feel more safe and secure. You start to relax, and feel good. Now how does that feel when this suddenly gets ruined and destroyed? Would that feel good? Didn't think so. So what's your curcumstance? A house? A car? Your father? Your job? Social acceptance? Food? A Person don't see possitives when all we learn is negatives.

I can agree that this would be best in the haven, but people have been known to act just like you did there in that folder as well, so why bother

Its not about luck, its what you sit up and get. It might take a long time, but its bound to happen. The guy or girl might just have to lower their standards. It takes a lot of strength to sort yourself out and realise the only person you can change is yourself. How old are you?

25. And for the most part, I don't bother trying to change other people... I have no interest in controlling them, I basically just want to live my life in peace. But I do expect a small amount of respect from others, and I won't remain silent when people like me continue to get crapped on by everyone else.

Well 25 is way too young to give up.