04 Jan 2006, 10:22 am
04 Jan 2006, 10:41 am
04 Jan 2006, 1:03 pm
cheer up guys, maybe you already have a girlfriend and don't know it! ages ago i a friend who, i found out, would tell people she had a boyfriend, but the 'boyfriend' in question turned out to be none other than me! !! 
i guess i was being 'used' as a fake boyfriend so she seemed more normal and desirable in the relationships market. and I've experienced that too, when I'm single nobody is interested. when i'm in a relationship i'm beating people away!! ! (well that's exaggerating just a bit but you know what i mean) *sigh* i've really come to hate the relationships and dating game 
for something so emotionally intimate i don't want to be having to play games. and all the salesmanship and promises... i can do it and have done, but i hate it, it goes against my values 
and demands of honesty, that's a real bugbear of mine, people who demand honesty but don't like it when you actually are honest! most relationships only last a few months.. oh no, that's the 'wrong' sort of honesty! the right sort of honesty is "you're perfect and i love you forever" even when you hardly know the person 
i don't want someone who's perfect, i don't want someone to change their personality just for me, i know i'm far from perfect and i sure wouldn't be able to change much for someone else! i just wish i could say "we're not perfect but lets see how things go for a few months". but no, it's not good enough, they can get far grander promises than that from their perfect fake boyfriends!
04 Jan 2006, 3:52 pm
DivaD wrote:
i guess i was being 'used' as a fake boyfriend so she seemed more normal and desirable in the relationships market. and I've experienced that too, when I'm single nobody is interested. when i'm in a relationship i'm beating people away!! ! (well that's exaggerating just a bit but you know what i mean) *sigh* i've really come to hate the relationships and dating game for something so emotionally intimate i don't want to be having to play games. and all the salesmanship and promises... i can do it and have done, but i hate it, it goes against my values
for something so emotionally intimate i don't want to be having to play games. and all the salesmanship and promises... i can do it and have done, but i hate it, it goes against my values Hmm...I might actually try that as a tactic. Besides, since I'm back in contact with that online girl that is all over me, I might just talk about having a girlfriend when I'm back in school soon.
04 Jan 2006, 6:50 pm
ELLCIM wrote:
QuirkyCarla wrote:
I can't believe what I'm reading. Girls can EASILY get into a relationship? Any girl who wants a boyfriend can get one? Those statement were ridiculous. I've been wanting a boyfriend as long as I can remember, and I've never had one. I also know other girls who have the same issue. It is very hard to find a guy who's number one focus isn't sex. ESPECIALLY in college.
You're right...in our AS world. In the NT world though, it is true. Firstly, a lot of girls ARE looking for sex, so the guys that want sex are a perfect match. Second, the other NT women keep saying that they want someone who isn't obsessed with sex, isn't abusive, isn't a drug dealer, and is an all-round nice guy...then when they're offered one of those guys, they get all uncomfortable and freaked out. David DeAngelo has even said that women won't go for the "nice" guys, and will go for excitement.
The following are some quotes from a major radio station forum that I sometimes read. Different paragraphs represent different posts.
Men do the picking, women do the choosing. Most of the time, the woman dumps the man. Men, smarten up. Women don't lie -- men just don't listen. Same as it ever was.
Basically, any woman today who wants a man will have a man. Easy as that.
At this stage, women are in the driver's seat and can really have any man they want. With the younger generation it's pretty hard to find ones who are serious about relationships and will give you a chance. The desires of younger women today are very superficial indeed (FUN, looks, money as pre-requisites)....I mean, you can't compete with lawyers and such, and there are a lot of men out there for the choosing. I say in your case, just do your thing, live your life, and do your hobby stuff until it happens. At least you have hobbies to keep you busy.
But from about the age of 11, any decent, attractive woman is going to have a boyfriend, if she wants a boyfriend. Women just have to 'be' and they'll be asked out. Doesn't matter if they're shy or quiet, they'll have men chasing after them all the time. Not so with men. We're the ones who have to look stupid and cross the bar floor and ask some woman out when she's got about 5 of her friends sitting right there. It's very intimidating for the quiet and shy types. [...] Loyalty and commitment aren't huge selling features for the modern 11-32 yo woman. It's more about fun, hanging out, cell phones, parties, friends and other such nonsense. Also, if her friends are into the cottage lifestyle and you are not involved in that lifestyle then you won't fit in too well. [...] Women will eventually make their way to you years from now when they're tired of being abused, cheated on and not taken seriously. Women really hold the cards these days. And once you have the woman, keeping her is another matter, since you will discover that she's constantly being asked out by other men, or becoming "friends" with these other men, who, like vulchures, are waiting for you to screw up. The moment someone has something better to offer, you're out of these. Don't allow yourself to be a simple 'stepping stone' for some pretty girl that's looking for a lawyer or a doctor with the jetset lifestyle. Many women today can be very cold and calculating. The trick is finding those who are NOT like that. They all SAY they're not like that, but you'll find what they say and do are often two different things.
This is just one other forum. Imagine all the guys that fell this way worldwide.
Okay, don't get upset by my post because I'm trying to be diplomatic here. All right. Number one, if you keep reading posts by those idiots about women on that radio station forum you go to, your dating troubles are only gonna get worse. Number two, if you keep constantly making generalizations about women like you do on here, it's no wonder why women do not return your affections. Your strong feelings about how women don't even have to try to get a date probably registers in your expressions or conversations when you approach women. For normal women who have no problems with distinguishing emotions, you're going to come across as very desperate and needy. Maybe you've had some bad experiences with women in the past, but you need to figure out a way to get over that, or at least realize that not all or most women are like that (aspie, Nt, etc.). When you expect women to be snotty, dismissive of you, and ignore you, that's the kind of woman you're going to find. You talk about how women keep dating jerks and then finally give up on bad boys, and move on to nice guys. I think you're actually talking more about yourself. Your posts seem to indicate that you keep going for women that are jerks. Maybe you should give up on these women, and try looking for nice ones.
04 Jan 2006, 7:14 pm
Sorce wrote:
Okay, don't get upset by my post because I'm trying to be diplomatic here. All right. Number one, if you keep reading posts by those idiots about women on that radio station forum you go to, your dating troubles are only gonna get worse. Number two, if you keep constantly making generalizations about women like you do on here, it's no wonder why women do not return your affections. Your strong feelings about how women don't even have to try to get a date probably registers in your expressions or conversations when you approach women. For normal women who have no problems with distinguishing emotions, you're going to come across as very desperate and needy. Maybe you've had some bad experiences with women in the past, but you need to figure out a way to get over that, or at least realize that not all or most women are like that (aspie, Nt, etc.). When you expect women to be snotty, dismissive of you, and ignore you, that's the kind of woman you're going to find. You talk about how women keep dating jerks and then finally give up on bad boys, and move on to nice guys. I think you're actually talking more about yourself. Your posts seem to indicate that you keep going for women that are jerks. Maybe you should give up on these women, and try looking for nice ones.
Your input is appreciated, and I enjoy a good debate. In fact I am not the guy you are assuming me to be...it is very difficult to accurately know someone from e-mails and posts. I play devils advocate sometimes and try to argue extremist components of my somewhat conservative views.
Now, at least one of the posts I showed there was made by an on-air news reporter at that radio station, who is a relationship expert who has extensively read loads of material on the subject, including Doc Love and other stuff similar to David DeAngelo (I belive DeAngelo is a contributor to Doc Love's web site). This news reporter has written a lot on the forums about relationships and if anyone cares I can post some things that more people might agree with. I don't make generalizations about women in public...only anonymously on these types of forums. But, to play devil's advocate again, women tend to love to be disrespected.
If all the women I keep going for are all jerks, than that doesn't say much about women in general, because I have tried a very wide variety of women. Even the most religious, nice ones see problems.
04 Jan 2006, 8:14 pm
04 Jan 2006, 8:16 pm
04 Jan 2006, 8:27 pm
04 Jan 2006, 8:31 pm
danlo wrote:
You're right. I should stop reading every thing you say and considering it in context and connection. Aspies are notoriously bad at comprehending those rules in language, so stands to reason you'd also write without that. It was just the comment in brackets that made a direct connection, that could not be ignored. I was just attempting to show how your post is comprehended when viewed as a forest, rather than as trees.
I think we each had a similar processing error.
Apparently we don't actually disagree very much?
04 Jan 2006, 8:54 pm
04 Jan 2006, 9:19 pm
04 Jan 2006, 9:50 pm
21 Feb 2006, 6:12 am
21 Feb 2006, 8:39 am
21 Feb 2006, 12:29 pm
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