Why not to go after an aspie girl

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ToS, I had to respond to this because I came to this exact realization a few years ago (except with all the people I thought were friends).

I realized that every single person I'd thought was my friend really wasn't, and they were only using me and in fact liked me less than the people who didn't even know me. A lot of things I hadn't understood before (like why my best friend would suddenly turn around and say they hated me - this happened a few times, each with someone I thought was my best friend for longer than a year).

This could have been a breaking point, but for me it became a turning point, as I came to the full realization that I was at square one, and in truth had been all my life. From that point, I changed, because I *understood* the behaviour of fake friends. After that point was when I was able to distinguish the chaff from the real thing, and I made my first real friends.

Don't give up ToS, and don't let the realization break you. You have to be stronger than that.

Hmm, I may just be that mild then - I was starting to think that our differences were far more illusion and 'in our heads' so to speak than actually being concrete reality. I've always felt much more NT than aspie at heart - I just happen to have the physical/neurological autistic straight-jacket enough to where it pretty much keeps me on the mild end of the spectrum, even if in a very lopsided way. For me it seems like this is 90% physical (ie. looking wide-eyed and alien/cute when my mind is out of juice, not being able to speak well, the social blocks I have seem like they're completely capacity related to where know-how can't budge me another inch forward, facial expressionality that doesn't work right - most of my efforts have been trying to prove to people that I am in fact all there and even then my nervous system backstabs me plenty). Maybe that's more traditional autistic than it is AS-related? I just know that on most of the personality tests I score - almost uniquely to this site - rather firmly on the NT side. I still come here because, like everyone else here, I feel like I'm going it alone all too easily and even if most people can't relate to me I still am very certain that I have some kind of spectrum issue, though I still don't know if I was diagnosed on the correct side of things. People need people to thrive, if and where that need can find an outlet that works.

Some of us aspie girls can be crazy

I don't speak for all but I think you're all crazy if you're just going after Aspie chicks.

No aspie men should be open to all women Yoi're right goat on fire. I dont like aspie women (yes I'm generalizing, like it or not), they tend to come off as flakey to me. NT women can be flakey as well, but when one likes you you know that she likes you. (sometimes )

Another reason:

Aspie girls think aspie men are desperate.
They either are taken, or not interested and use the sensory/sensitivity BS to cover that they dont want to be bothered with us.

the only reason aspie men cant get gfs is because we appear not to have GAME because we are so shy. Aspie women get gfs because they are girls, and they have vag...s.

I dont talk to aspie women or send them pms anymore, because they are often if not always ignored. i dont do online dating because if you're a guy or an unattractive girl, no one's gonna reply to you.

Aspie guys get ignored on this site because...."we are basically nobodies"

-We arent famous
-They dont know us
-And they are simply not interested

So just leave the aspie girls alone, we arent Chris Nichols or Bill Gates.

Dont limit yourself to aspies girls either, just because aspie men can be caring or have caring feelings, doesnt mean we'll get them returned.

yall can disagree if yall want to, but this is why we always get the same posts in the love and dating section because we know the answer to our problems, we just want to hear what we want to hear.

if you ever meet a gurl/woman with aspergers, dont tell her you have asperger's until you know she's interested in you. letting her know you have asperger's is an automatic "I like you, I'm going to stalk you", well at least in their heads.

PS: The Realist Jemir

You are a realist and a woman. Thats what i say. Just go find a girl and have fun. Forget about all this "I need the right one" "No other girls will accept me"

They dont accept you because they dont like you aspie or not. Women are pretty clear to understand to me

-If she acts like she doesnt like you, then she doesnt
-If she acts liek she does, there may be a chance

PS: The Realist Jemir

I have noticed that there is a downright overgeneralization of NT women on these boards. At the same time there is a bit of fetishization and objectification of girls on the spectrum.

Part of the problem I see is many of the guys here go off the generalizations from bad experiences. I am friends with alot of NT women, and well legitimate friends. They don't like being generalized, talked down to, hate misogyny and are much smarter than you think. By constructing this narrow band of what NT and what aspie women are like you are creating your own problems.

Yes there are NT women out there I cannot relate to because they are consumed with status and fashion. But I know women who don't hold the problems a person has against them as long as they are nice, honest and respectful towards women.

Sorry, but I had to vent. I am kind of sick of the open misogyny here. The original poster has a good point.

You're overgeneralizing. Just because I have an opinion or because im telling the truth, doesnt mean I'm sexist. Every guy who may overgeneralize to you, doesnt mean it sexism, it could be the truth.

Agreed.

I speak for myself when I say the success rate of hitting on me is about 0%. I have a weird warped mindset when it comes to relationships, which is partly why the topic of Love and Dating fascinates me so much, and the only time I ever seem to open my mind to the possibility is if I have the complete control (like I meet the guy, I choose the guy, I pursue the guy, then the guy accepts me). I quite like being single too - it's more restful.

You probably have a much better chance with NT girls simply because they actually want to be in relationships, and are more open-minded and forgiving and less set in weird rituals and mind-blocks.

Possibly true to a point, as my manifestation feels like its far more physical (ie. 7/8ths NT in heart and mind, 6/8 aspie in that people have a hell of a time reading me correctly if they don't know me and unless a girl is really intelligent - I get looks like I'm Steve Buscemi for almost no reason, and my friends wonder why I'm not trying to panty-dive the way they do )

I guess we really are all that different though. Some of us may be the logical little absent minded professors, some of us are loony artistic types, some of us much more NT but nonverbal obstruction strong enough to keep us forced on spectrum (which is really the middle of nowhere). On one level, while I really want mind, independence, intelligence, I almost need to be dating someone who's worked on her sexuality and edges to really feel a spark; and I swear I have no desire to be shallow, I just notice that I've met many women who were super cool (NT and AS) - loved them on that level, they may have been pretty close to center on looks but still they had all the personality traits I wanted and for whatever reason, trying to get my hormones and mind wrapped around me and her (at whatever time) being an us, kissing her, wanting to do romantic things - like pushing two positive magnets together. I want to be the guy who's enhancing a woman's life if he's with her (i want it to be a two-way upward spiral where we both feed all kinds of positive energy into eachother, have eachother's backs in life, etc.) but I realize that if I'm not attracted there's no hope of authenticity in that and yes, I get the feeling women can spot that out.

Right now this is where its at, I've gotten to the point where I'm actually ready to shop at Nordson and Sax Fifth Avenue and buy some $150.00 or $200.00 shirts as my friends have told me enough on how it works; even as a shadow-spectrum aspie it feels like treason. And absolutely yes - I know exactly what direct attention from that means, no desire for that but the vague increase in attention from someone who I would want to be with is still worth pushing away anything else (which one of the biggest blessings of being a guy on spectrum - gold diggers, status hawks, won't touch you with a ten foot poll - even if you were dipped in honey and had a roll in $5,000 bills) - so yes, between AS and being lucky enough to have enough NT in me to be able to judge character pretty well, and the weights, and the martial arts - I'm hoping that I'll be able to climb out of the whole before I'm 40. That last part is wretchedly sad but - its not like I chose this body, nor did I choose to be here for that matter, it just kind of happened despite my most well thought out efforts in self-mending over the last 10 years. Its just hard that even when you can get attention - you find out that it just means your 100 women, maybe 200 or 300 dates away from finding the right one (just like for the women here, its the same thing flipped and lets face it - dating *sucks*).

Last edited by techstepgenr8tion on 26 May 2009, 7:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think you'll find that personality really transcends AS/NT, you'll find you have a certain type to where you mutually have positive gravity in two directions (at least enough to have that nonverbal nod that you both want to talk from across the room like your seeing someone cool or respectable), having met a lot of girls with AS though - I can't say there's any kind of pro or con effect. You have a point that bonefieties and a sense of being 'special' tend to rot anyone's brain but I can't say that I hit it off with many people who are like that to begin with, most of the girls that I've met from here are pretty down-to-earth but then again that's what I tend to gravitate towards and vice a versa.

Just because aspie guys have a preference for aspie girls, it makes us fetishist? Aspie women are the probably the only women in the world that truly know what aspie men are going through, and a woman that an aspie like me can approach without fear of the whole social atmosphere is a woman that has potential...


Misogyny? No. Generalization? Perhaps. But I have to generalize in order to protect myself. Almost every NT woman that has shown "interest" in me was really just trying to manipulate me. I don't think there are any dumb women out there... they're all incredibly intelligent (you have to be intelligent to be that manipulative)... I've met a few people NT women here on the forums that don't try to manipulate men into being their own little slaves, but they're all 35+ years old or have some hint of aspie in them...

Well where are they? I don't see them in real life... I try to give the benefit of the doubt and be nice to everyone regardless of gender, race, or creed, unless they give me a good reason not to (like trying to manipulate me as per above), but still nothing has happened...

This is exactly why I'd prefer an Aspie woman.

I have found though that where that changes is if you've met the right individual. You can be really set in your ways when you're around someone who doesn't understand those ways, and seems to interfere. When you meet the person who compliments your quirks, and understands why you do what you do, and allows you to just be yourself, then it's completely different. All of a sudden you have a level of comfort you never knew existed. It's such a shocking discovery that it takes awhile to adjust to the idea that it was even possible to begin with.

It's like this:

-Either the aspie girl likes you
-OR she doesn't

whoopty doo.

Simple statistics: There are more oddball/outlier NT girls out there than there are AS girls. And at least NT women usually want to date, whereas at least from WP the overwhelming majority of AS women are taken for the long haul, asexual, just not looking, or lesbian. I've never even met an AS woman in real life, the nearest thing being the daughter of an aspie. In fact, I strongly suspect that those that say they will only consider AS women are just giving excuses - they've been burned in the past or don't actually want to date for whatever reason, and instead of facing/admitting it, put arbitrary criteria that are so stringent that they know beforehand nobody will meet them. At least that's my gut feeling. It's like some film about a gay guy that his parents, who don't know he's gay, sign him up for a matchmaking service, so he puts as his criteria she has to be an opera singer, Chinese, have 2 PhDs, be over 1.80 m tall, etc. There's nothing illegitimate about not looking, but there's no benefit in being in denial.

I know what you mean, ToS, a tactic that seems to help is to do little or nothing for women you don't know well - for example, I've seen girls carting gas cylinders around (heavy) and barely offered to hold the door for them (and not offered to help with the cylinder itself). Actually, I could even have given her some advice that would've saved her a lot of effort (she was using the wrong type of cart), but didn't. Mean perhaps, but then she seemed to expect that I would do it for her even when it was her turn, in exchange for nothing*. If you behave like that, you at least send out the message that you're not easily taken advantage of, you set boundaries.


*My rule is that, as long as I'm not worse to them than they are to me, I can do as I please. For example, refusing to give help, however trivial to me and useful to them, to people that have tried taking advantage of me.

lol pbcoll you are a realist. Yes. i dont do stuff for women unless its something i would do for a man as well. i hold the door for men to be polite so i do the same for women.

I remember one time me and my brother were walking together at school and these 5 latina girls who would never give me the time of day and my brotehr wasnt ineterested in them anyways, they were at the door at least 50 feet in front of us. They stood at the door waiting for (what seemed like) us to open the door for them. My brother and I opened the door and walked right in front of those b*****s.

They were at the door 20 seconds before we were, they couldve done it themselves. Many women want men to be their doormat, but give nothing in return, like a decent conversation at least. Those latina girls always ignored me and acted like total stuck up b*****s. i stopped talking to them. I dont let any of the girls in my class see my work unless she treats me with respect.
Sometimes stuck up girls will ask me for paper, and I'd say, "Nope I dont have any" and i'd have a stack of blank paper in front of me. I know Im a dickhead, oh well, you cant be nice to women.

NOTE: Women are the real dickheads