help an NT understand!!

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If it's OK for me to butt in, I'd be very interested to hear what exactly it is that makes you say that; particularly as, from Tracy's response, you seem to be at least partly right. I'm startled that you manage to make such a judgement so quickly and on so little information....... for example, would you say I sound like an ADD? Why, or why not?

I think many many people called NT often display some psychological issues, including depression, attention deficit, etc. The typical part seems to revolve mostly around accepted norms of social interaction.

The older I get, the less 'normal' I think I am.

Your boyfriend sounds like Me so much I have always been so blunt with all My girlfriends it has scared them off. I did not know about AS until recently when I got diagnosed in July 2004 at the age of 41. I hope everything works out for You and Him. I don't really know if I could give You any answers for You. If You have any questions for Me about My Relationship just ask I will try to answer them.

Tracylynn, your story has deeply moved me. I am not as generous as you, I get upset all the time because my SO (a musician with an encyclopaedic knowledge) doesn't do what I expect him to do (eg like follow-up on a promise to come and see me, respond to some of my messages, say happy new year). But I always find myself running back to him because he is such a delightful and interesting person, so I am learning to adapt and give him the benefit of the doubt, too. If yours is horrid but seems to realize afterwards what he's done, then mine may too? Here's hoping. I never see or hear enough of him to be able to tell.

One thing I'm intrigued about is: how did you get your SO to let you go and see him and make the effort to come and see you? Maybe my SO is unusually solitary or busy - I can's see why he would lie that he wants to meet up 'soon' if he doesn't, what would be the benefit to him? Sorry about this, just thinking aloud - but I just wanted to say that your story gave me hope and encouragement not to give up on him yet.

I think if I hadn't had some prior knowledge about AS and put two and two together, it wouldn't have lasted. As it is, I've learned alot of patience and understanding.

Im very quick to act and very impulsive ... he seems to needs alot of time to accept doing something out of his routine. My impulsiveness (and love of roadtripping) is the only reason we met, since he doesn't drive and can't afford to fly. We talked about him coming to see me for months before it happened, and by then I realized great patience was required. I also had to go get him and take him home (two 16 hour roundtriips), because he had no access to airports, trains, etc.

Mine's not horrid, at all. He's wonderful, and once I figured it out, I realized I was going to forego some of the social niceties being with him. I let him show me his love in his way. Im still learning, and he is too. Being here has helped ALOT.

I broached the subject of AS with my bf last night, telling him that many of his traits are concordant with Asperger's. When I started to list a few, he abruptly changed the subject. I let it drop. But I guess Im not sure I'll be satisfied with letting it lie there without discussing it further with him. And I guess he's likely to refuse, and perhaps get mad at me (the one thing that frightens me terribly).

I expected this might be hard for him to hear. I'm also assuming (as I am wont to do) that it will take him some time to process. For me the concern is he will think there's something wrong with him that requires intervention....or that I'm telling him he's flawed in some way. I don't think that at all, but I think it's crucial to our progress that he recognize that there's a categorical difference in the way we think and approach dealing with people. What to do, what to do.

My father acts exactly the same way whenever I've approached him with the topic, he refuses to accept something is different about him, for some reason (unknown to me) he continues to blame EVERYBODY ELSE for the way he relates to them, he continues to think his interests which are very specific, are the only interests worth happening.

I guess the way he is has given me great insight into accepting my AS, also into realising what NT's need to feel secure and satisfied..

I'll write some thoughts on that aspect of it later, but something was mentioned earlier in this thread about hello's and goodbyes.

I've always had a weird problem with that, not that I don't say anything, I tend to drag on and on and on trying to say "I love you" in as many ways as possible, and every girlfriend I've had ended up so angry and bored with me by the time I managed it that in the end they even got sick of hearing me say the words, little did they know I was pouring out my heart to them.

I think one of the keys with AS is its (generally) all or nothing in a lot of ways, you give him security, and he will do anything, he will try anything to learn how to treat you exactly the way you deserve. About telling him about AS, maybe if you tried to share it not so much as a problem, but a difference?

I have a feeling sometimes he shows you love in the most profound and concentrated of ways, if its one thing I've noticed about myself, is I have a way of affecting people very deeply, though at other times I can simply annoy them with my surface ignorance.

question: How did you find out about autism or AS and how u found wrongplanet ?

Did you type in google : " emotionless, arrogant ,silent,shy and quiet bf ?" ?

There's a book called "The Five Languages of Love" written by Gary Smalley that I think would help you get a grasp on this gift giving issue. (There are variations of the book with that general title for spouses, parents and kids, etc) Basically the gist of it is that each of us have different things that make us feel loved and we tend to express love to others in the ways that we would want them to express love to us.

Gifts aren't important to everyone so if you're a person who loves to give and get highly personal gifts and are partnered up with someone who doesn't give two hoots about gifts but has a different style and set of needs, it's bound to cause hurt feelings.

Hmmn, I definately feel emotion, and everyone I meet knows it, either through my passion for music, or for knowing how they work, or something!

Arrogance, is something I've gotten over, everyone can do what they can do.

I found AS through other suspected conditions the doctors gave me. Which were ADHD, or some sort of developmental disorder, which they needed to send to me to psych to help with. I found aspergers shortly after, while wandering around wikipedia from one topic to the next as I do sometimes.

I was shy, but overcame that through finding topics I can talk to with almost any stranger.

Not really silent, well I can be for huge periods with my partner, but we're both silent (she's NT). She gets the social side of things elsewhere, we share thoughts, facts, feelings, passion...

Just in a different way, that took A LOT of work, everything wonderful does.