Limerence

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This girl who I've been feeling strongly limerent towards has recently found out that I like her, and, well she didn't react the way I hoped. I sent her an email saying how much I like her and even though I said in it not to tell anyone she read it out loud to her entire class. My friends though it was good but she then sent me a reply saying that it was 'gay' and said that she doesn't like me and never will. I sent her another email asking for her to give me a chance but she then told me she had a boyfriend and said that he will 'come for me' if I send her anymore.

I feel like crap.

Last edited by robo37 on 25 Aug 2009, 4:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Oh god, now it has a name.
I've been through this only once, but it lasted for years. When I was 18 I saw this guy at a club I used to go to, and it was like he was oozing with something irresistible. I began to go to that club every weekend, and the night would be ruined if I didn't see him. We had a couple of friends in common, so eventually I got to talk to him and know what he was like. By then I realized that I would never want to date him or be with him in any way, but it didn't help. I'd draw pictures of him, dream of him, think of him constantly. It was HORRIBLE, a near stranger controlled my life without even knowing it! I even put my relationship on hold, because I was so confused. This lasted for about four or five years, sometimes better sometimes worse, until I finally got him out of my system. I never want to go through that again.

Well, at least you learned she's a terrible human being and not anyone deserving of your affections.

But I know how hard it is -- I have been and am limerent with people who clearly do not like me and are not attracted to or comfortable with me. It sucks when someone's external attractiveness is so at odds with their internal attractiveness.

My suggestion -- drop her like a bad habit, stop looking at her, don't think of her, DO NOT write to her anymore, etc. Find something or someone else to fill your time. It's always going to sting, but you really don't want to be around or even crushing on a person from afar who treats you so despicably.

Well, Dizzo, I think this is one of the things that separates limerance from a crush or infatuation. If the latter two leads to a disastrous relationship, then you might regret them. Otherwise, you might even remember them with some fondness. I am not sure you can do that with limerance. Even in my case where it eventually resulted in the best friend I ever had. we probably would have wound up friends any way without the drama.

I would have preferred that.

...has anyone else felt this? atm I'm feeling like the only one.

I think this can describe my frustrations . . . ive always tried to use human instinct/attraction to explain it and thuse try to use that to reason my way out of attempting to find companionship. I seem to go through this once a year (someone has my eye now, but im clueless how to to about it since i only see her when she's at work). At my age, im doing what i can to give it up, but there is that base component that i cant get rid of and causes me pain just thinking about wanting/having someone in my life (feels like a void swelling in your physical heart, not metaphorical).

I dunno...is there a way to get undirected limerence? Like, nobody in mind, but a period of thinking of -somebody- (unknown, question mark, person-I-haven't-encountered-yet). In other words, focusing on something that isn't there. It is very frustrating.

It happens to me every. single. time. Drives me insane.

In fact, I don't think I've ever experienced any form of love or attraction towards someone that wasn't limerence. It's always limerence or friendship affection.

That feeling is all too familiar, but it is directed 'nowhere', in my case

I know the feeling.

I think you're describing something a girl I used to know experienced. She kept trying to find a name to put to the unknown person she was experiencing the feelings for, but she couldn't quite.

Apparently the song called Wonderwall (by Oasis) is about undirected limerence.

Limerence has kicked my ass on a few strong and humiliating occasions.

I just found out about this concept of limerence on a thread here, and it fits me perfectly. I am incapable of feeling actual "love", only limerence. Every time I've fallen for someone, it's been obsessive, intrusive, and uncontrollable. Since the last time I felt it I've decided that I'm never going to be in a relationship (for several reasons), so now, fortunately, I can identify it and destroy those feelings.

I'm not sure, but I think it might stem from me being a sociopath, and wanting to manipulate people, but who knows, I have a shedload of disabilities.

Just learned about this too from a good freind. She told me about it; I looked it up and was like Shazaam! I ran down the checklist and sure enough, I have been overcome by this more times than I can count. However, now that I am aware of it and it's workings I can consciously work to overcome it. I need to talk to my old college psych professor and tell him to organize a scientfic study of the coincidence of AS and Limerence.
I am sure it is high. the inability to properly read people, constant loneliness and longing...yup I'd be willing to bet the incidence is very high in Aspies.