Hey shy guys, some advice?

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This! I would definitely make it hard on myself and think way too much about it. I would be far too embarrassed of the "implications" to be able to do anything. I know if it was me I would probably desperately be awaiting for another sign of "life". It's weird, but success is almost as frightening as rejection. See, he probably doesn't want to screw anything up, talking online is very safe and comfortable. So, if this rendezvous ever does happen, be patient and understanding

If a girl likes me, and if I happen to find her attractive and that we happen to have some chemistry (no luck in me finding such a girl yet though... ), I'd prefer for her to be more open and upfront with her feelings and emotions about me. If you can't express your feelings towards a love interest who tends to be shy and withdrawn in your presence, it's going to be tough trying to take your relationship with him/her to the next level...

Tim (aka the Slipperman)

Thanks, I will, el jefe. This is why I got his email. Oh, I really hope I didn't screw it up by asking him to hang out. I'm going to send him another email that is very nonthreatening. Just a couple lines telling him I hope all is well and I'm thinking about him. That won't send him running too hard, will it?

I say keep pushing if you want him to "rise to the challenge". If he did it before it most likely means that he really wants to be with you. He has to become desensitized to these new experiences, and it will take time. It sounds like a classic case of the old "one step forward, two steps back", except in reverse. Keep pushing, and eventually he'll get there. And I can almost guarantee that he wants to. Trust me, I'm the same way.

Shy people can be like crank-starting a steam engine. They take a long time to get going but you'll get the satisfaction in the end

lol I've no doubt...



I appreciate hearing these things from you guys. It makes the most sense when I try to 'decode' his behavior. Again, thank you all for your honesty. I'm sending another email tonight, I think. This time a little less loaded, though.

Tim, he knows. Before I had some working knowledge of AS, I blurted out (after a total of two actual conversations) "Is there weird chemistry here? Cuz I've been curious about you for a long time, and I don't think it's just me." At the bus stop, no less. (there had been weird stuff for months but it's hard to explain without going on forever and I have no reason to want to punish you all with that...) He looked confused and then pale and then as if he might pass out. Now that I know about Aspie literalness, I wonder if he didn't have in his head images of bunson burners and people sprouting two heads each time we were in the same vicinity. For days after that, I would see him watching me with this little smile, but if I came near he'd look to the ground and give me this curt nod and 'hey'. I was certain then that I'd blown it, but not too long after he caught up with me one morning to tell me he thought my headlights were on. I just started talking to him like nothing had happened and things 'warmed' from there. The last time I saw him in person his tone was warm and his eyes were big and soft and he stood very, very close...so, yeah. I'm pretty sure he has a good idea of what's going on, but he cycles through these highs and lows. I know the majority of days he feels like just surviving is a nearly insurmountable task, let alone rising to the challenges of forming a relationship, even though I do think he would like to. From what I've read and from what so many of you have told me, it's a familiar tale.

Being an aspie and being out in the world can be extremely overstimulating and exhausting. Add to that the fact that you might run into someone you like, and you've finally figured out likes you in return? Holy crap is that stressful!! It doesn't mean it's bad stressful, but it sets your anxiety off until you get used to having that person in your space. It sounds like things are going in the right direction. You just have to be patient and eventually he'll get used to having you around and the safer he feels, the more comfortable he'll become. It's been my experience that some of the best moments you can have with someone are the ones you had to wait for. In the end it's really worth it.

Thanks, Celtic Goddess. It's nice to have a girl's perspective, too.

^CG, are you sure you aren't an Aspie in disguise? Excellent input.

It's funny that you mention these "highs and lows". I'm the same way. Somedays I feel like I can tackle anything. Other days I'm the exact opposite.... I just want to be alone, and anything social freaks me out. And i have absolutely no idea what triggers those extreme "swings". Sometimes I think I'm bi-polar, or just plain crazy.

I will say that as he becomes used to being around you, he will gain self-confidence in return. And those "bad days" mentioned above will become progressively less frequent. It's a win-win for both of you.

If I told you, I'd be forced to kill you.

He has to start answering his email again, first.

He may need some time to process it. How long has it been since you sent the email?

A week today.



Then we would have to call you "The Thread Killer". har har har I crack me up.

Well, like I said earlier, if you need someone to talk to, my offer to talk with you about whatever you need is open... just send me a pm...

Okay, yeah. That would drive me crazy. I say ask him about it next time you see him. Make it rather obvious "Hey, I sent you an email about a week ago but haven't heard back. Just wondering if you got it because I've been looking forward to hearing from you." Not too much pressure but makes it quite obvious you'd like him to answer his damn email.



We definitely have the same sense of humour. I just busted out laughing.

Wuwuwhwhatt??

Maybe it's because I'm really really tired, but you must send that email tonight!! Perhaps we're worrying a bit too much! No questions asked if you're not gonna be seeing him in the next couple of days! Our logical disposition has gotten to us perhaps?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALRIGHT...!
GO! GO! GO! GO!