Why is it girls have an easier time getting dates than guys?
I think you will find that sentience in humans is overrated. mostly by them...
And IMHO a lot of what we prize emotionally as uniquely human is actually just intellectually dressed up animal emotions.
The need to elevate "uniquely human" qualities is what makes us such a uniquely arrogant species.
We are not special, we just are what we are...
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RetroGamer87
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And IMHO a lot of what we prize emotionally as uniquely human is actually just intellectually dressed up animal emotions.
The need to elevate "uniquely human" qualities is what makes us such a uniquely arrogant species.
We are not special, we just are what we are...
It is not their darkness I fear but their light. By their light my shadows are cast.
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Aspergians are capable of amazing things too! Hate is such a strong word. Be careful how you use it, or you might end up making things more negative than they need to be.
Also, nerdygirl, it doesn't take much to please me, and yet I'm a girl. I also have broad yet specific interests and never want to wear make-up. But, then, no one notices me anyway, so I'm the invisible girl. ![]()
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nerdygirl
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Also, nerdygirl, it doesn't take much to please me, and yet I'm a girl. I also have broad yet specific interests and never want to wear make-up. But, then, no one notices me anyway, so I'm the invisible girl.
Sometimes, I feel invisible...but not to guys, just society in general. As in, most people don't care what I have to say.
I used to think I was invisible to guys until college. Then something "woke up" and I realized I wasn't...then I thought back and realized just how many guys had shown interest in me over the years. They just weren't my type.
But, you're right, everyone is different. I was just making broad generalizations.
Then you're arguing with straw men, because I never said that was the sole thing I look for in a partner--it is just one of the most important things when it comes to building a relationship that I hope will last a long time. If someone is insanely physically attractive, but has a really crappy personality (unkind, mean-spirited, petty, cowardly), over time they become less and less attractive to me--they begin to look more and more ugly, because their sh***y attitude colours everything they do and the more of it I observed the more it colours their appearance to me in a negative light. That is just how it works as I get to know people--the way they look either grows on me because I like who they are and I respect them, or the way they look becomes more and more unpleasant to me as time passes if they are crappy people that I don't like or respect very much. I'm sorry if that is hard for you to understand or believe, but that is simply how it has always been for me with everyone I have known, ever since I was a child. Do with that information what you will.
Thank you for clarifying. And you know what? I actually agree with you. If you're in a long term live-in relationship with a petulant narcissist(who is certainly unkind, mean-spirited, petty, cowardly, disloyal, ill tempered, and more)then after a while it doesn't matter how beautiful and/or sexy they are. Their personality is so toxic and their behavior so unpleasant that your feelings of attraction for them are more than canceled out. Once you realize they're never gonna change you wish that you were single once again.
However, people aren't always what they seem. In order to find out who they really are and assess their character you must get to know them and most of all see how they behave in private. Some of the most rotten characters I've run into are masters of disguise. At first they charm your socks off and lure you in.....then their true colors come out behind closed doors. But what I was getting at is the *initial* attraction to someone when you've just met them and don't know them that well. THAT is where the superficial stuff matters.
I don't have casual, short-term relationships, so initial physical attraction is almost irrelevant. I need to be around someone for a while before I decide I want to be with them exclusively--that's what the "getting to know each other" phase is for.
Then you're arguing with straw men, because I never said that was the sole thing I look for in a partner--it is just one of the most important things when it comes to building a relationship that I hope will last a long time. If someone is insanely physically attractive, but has a really crappy personality (unkind, mean-spirited, petty, cowardly), over time they become less and less attractive to me--they begin to look more and more ugly, because their sh***y attitude colours everything they do and the more of it I observed the more it colours their appearance to me in a negative light. That is just how it works as I get to know people--the way they look either grows on me because I like who they are and I respect them, or the way they look becomes more and more unpleasant to me as time passes if they are crappy people that I don't like or respect very much. I'm sorry if that is hard for you to understand or believe, but that is simply how it has always been for me with everyone I have known, ever since I was a child. Do with that information what you will.
Thank you for clarifying. And you know what? I actually agree with you. If you're in a long term live-in relationship with a petulant narcissist(who is certainly unkind, mean-spirited, petty, cowardly, disloyal, ill tempered, and more)then after a while it doesn't matter how beautiful and/or sexy they are. Their personality is so toxic and their behavior so unpleasant that your feelings of attraction for them are more than canceled out. Once you realize they're never gonna change you wish that you were single once again.
However, people aren't always what they seem. In order to find out who they really are and assess their character you must get to know them and most of all see how they behave in private. Some of the most rotten characters I've run into are masters of disguise. At first they charm your socks off and lure you in.....then their true colors come out behind closed doors. But what I was getting at is the *initial* attraction to someone when you've just met them and don't know them that well. THAT is where the superficial stuff matters.
I don't have casual, short-term relationships, so initial physical attraction is almost irrelevant. I need to be around someone for a while before I decide I want to be with them exclusively--that's what the "getting to know each other" phase is for.
Are you one of those so-called 'sapiosexuals'?
I don't do casual, short-term relationships either but I gotta be str8 when I say that sexual attraction DOES matter to me when it comes to being romantic as opposed to strictly platonic. If I'm not physically attracted to someone then I'm not going to shag them. Period. And in that regard I'm like 80% of people in the world were dating/sex/marriage is at-will.
And I admit, when I was younger(in my teens) I used to be one of those Nice Guys™. Yes I asked girls out, plenty of em, and I got turned down 9 times(Bueller?...Bueller?) before I met my first gf through printed personals. I was taught by me mum and other women in my family that girls like nice boys. So I thought back then if I'm nice to a girl I'm attracted to she'll wanna date me..........I thought Wrong. That's the trouble with Nice Guys™: They don't understand that treating someone well neither obligates them to date you nor makes them attracted to you. I'd say that for most women, being 'nice' is necessary but not sufficient. If she's not attracted to you, being her friend doesn't change that. Attraction is quantitative but not qualitative(for me and many people I know). You can't always isolate the individual qualities that make someone attractive but you know it when you see it.
Are you one of those so-called 'sapiosexuals'?
I don't do casual, short-term relationships either but I gotta be str8 when I say that sexual attraction DOES matter to me when it comes to being romantic as opposed to strictly platonic. If I'm not physically attracted to someone then I'm not going to shag them. Period. And in that regard I'm like 80% of people in the world were dating/sex/marriage is at-will.
I relate to what Wilberfource said. I can become attracted to men who grow on me. Once I get to know them I can find them more attractive. This may be why dating sites hold no interest for me. How do I garner any information from a photo and some brief text. I mostly fall for friends of friends who are around from time to time and over a period of time I get to know what they're like and how they treat other people and so on. Then if I like how they behave I start to like them more.
Is that sapio sexual. I honestly thought that was just normal. There is a difference between love and lust I think.
PS this is how you prune a quote tree.
Are you one of those so-called 'sapiosexuals'?
I don't do casual, short-term relationships either but I gotta be str8 when I say that sexual attraction DOES matter to me when it comes to being romantic as opposed to strictly platonic. If I'm not physically attracted to someone then I'm not going to shag them. Period. And in that regard I'm like 80% of people in the world were dating/sex/marriage is at-will.
I relate to what Wilberfource said. I can become attracted to men who grow on me. Once I get to know them I can find them more attractive. This may be why dating sites hold no interest for me. How do I garner any information from a photo and some brief text. I mostly fall for friends of friends who are around from time to time and over a period of time I get to know what they're like and how they treat other people and so on. Then if I like how they behave I start to like them more.
Is that sapio sexual. I honestly thought that was just normal. There is a difference between love and lust I think.
PS this is how you prune a quote tree.
Yes there is indeed a difference between love and lust. However, wilburforce makes it sound like she has no real interest in sex. And even if that's the case it's no skin off my big nose. Is that the case with you as well? Because most women I know certainly Do want sex. And in fact, they want it as much as men do! That's one of the biggest myths about women: That they don't want sex. And I have definitely encountered women who act as if love is all that matters and not sex. But I cannot be sure if this is really how they think nor have I been involved romantically with such a woman. All the girlfriends I've had very much wanted sex but didn't openly admit to it until we met and then got involved.
Are you one of those so-called 'sapiosexuals'?
I don't do casual, short-term relationships either but I gotta be str8 when I say that sexual attraction DOES matter to me when it comes to being romantic as opposed to strictly platonic. If I'm not physically attracted to someone then I'm not going to shag them. Period. And in that regard I'm like 80% of people in the world were dating/sex/marriage is at-will.
I relate to what Wilberfource said. I can become attracted to men who grow on me. Once I get to know them I can find them more attractive. This may be why dating sites hold no interest for me. How do I garner any information from a photo and some brief text. I mostly fall for friends of friends who are around from time to time and over a period of time I get to know what they're like and how they treat other people and so on. Then if I like how they behave I start to like them more.
Is that sapio sexual. I honestly thought that was just normal. There is a difference between love and lust I think.
PS this is how you prune a quote tree.
Yeah, I thought it was normal, too. And I think the previous poster is mistaking being Nice™ with being a decent person. Guys who are Nice™ are only polite and appear decent shallowly, until you get to know them and their real arrogant entitled nature begins to show. In their case, the "niceness" is not a part of who they are, but just a surface technique they use to try to get something (usually sex) from women. Decent guys are decent all the time, regardless of imagined reward, because it is a built-in part of who they are. It is how they conduct themselves around everyone, including those that can do nothing for them. That is the kind of trait that is attractive to me--someone who treats people decently, especially those they have power over or those that can't do anything for them. That's the real test of a person's character--how they behave when they don't expect anything in return as a "reward" for being "nice".
Are you one of those so-called 'sapiosexuals'?
I don't do casual, short-term relationships either but I gotta be str8 when I say that sexual attraction DOES matter to me when it comes to being romantic as opposed to strictly platonic. If I'm not physically attracted to someone then I'm not going to shag them. Period. And in that regard I'm like 80% of people in the world were dating/sex/marriage is at-will.
I relate to what Wilberfource said. I can become attracted to men who grow on me. Once I get to know them I can find them more attractive. This may be why dating sites hold no interest for me. How do I garner any information from a photo and some brief text. I mostly fall for friends of friends who are around from time to time and over a period of time I get to know what they're like and how they treat other people and so on. Then if I like how they behave I start to like them more.
Is that sapio sexual. I honestly thought that was just normal. There is a difference between love and lust I think.
PS this is how you prune a quote tree.
Yes there is indeed a difference between love and lust. However, wilburforce makes it sound like she has no real interest in sex. And even if that's the case it's no skin off my big nose. Is that the case with you as well? Because most women I know certainly Do want sex. And in fact, they want it as much as men do! That's one of the biggest myths about women: That they don't want sex. And I have definitely encountered women who act as if love is all that matters and not sex. But I cannot be sure if this is really how they think nor have I been involved romantically with such a woman. All the girlfriends I've had very much wanted sex but didn't openly admit to it until we met and then got involved.
Oh believe me, i LOVE sex--I just can't have it with someone I don't respect. You see, mutual respect is the sexiest quality to me, that's what really turns me on. The fact that you don't get that tells me you have very different sorts of relationships from those that I have, and that is fine. We are all different, and to each their own. A man who is good and decent is what turns my crank--YMMV.
Sweetleaf
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Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,278
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Are you one of those so-called 'sapiosexuals'?
I don't do casual, short-term relationships either but I gotta be str8 when I say that sexual attraction DOES matter to me when it comes to being romantic as opposed to strictly platonic. If I'm not physically attracted to someone then I'm not going to shag them. Period. And in that regard I'm like 80% of people in the world were dating/sex/marriage is at-will.
I relate to what Wilberfource said. I can become attracted to men who grow on me. Once I get to know them I can find them more attractive. This may be why dating sites hold no interest for me. How do I garner any information from a photo and some brief text. I mostly fall for friends of friends who are around from time to time and over a period of time I get to know what they're like and how they treat other people and so on. Then if I like how they behave I start to like them more.
Is that sapio sexual. I honestly thought that was just normal. There is a difference between love and lust I think.
PS this is how you prune a quote tree.
I think dating sites are only useful as a tool to find people to meet in person, there is no way I could have decided online whether or not I wanted to be in a relationship with someone. I kind of like it because you can see somewhat how they look via the picture and find out some of what they are interested in and if there looks to be any initial compatibility. Ended up with my current boyfriend that way, but yeah I wasn't sure if we'd hit it off or not until we actually met even though our online/texting conversations did go well.
Maybe a lot of people do commit to the relationship online before meeting, but I don't see how anyone could do that.
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