Serious issues with L&D Forum

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Surely then someone can give me an example of a post expressing reality to which a woman objected.

I have seen examples but I'm not going to dig them up.

I spent a lot of time writing what I wrote. You put minimal effort in responding. That is insulting.

I've reported your attack, Dox. Have a nice day.

I've reported your attack, Dox. Have a nice day.

You know the discussion has gone down the toilet when people start bragging about reporting really trivial posts

Guy makes well thought out, carefully worded post trying to help with an ongoing site issue, and is taken out of context by a bitter, perpetually aggrieved poster who can't even be bothered to explain her "reasoning"; L&D in a nutshell...

You're really asking people to go through years of posts in the forums to prove your point for an argument unrelated to the topic? This is getting bonkers now, and I think I'll be leaving the thread for people who have more constructive things to say than us, or before it inevitably gets locked for outliving its purpose.

B19, I'm with you on that one. The thread should probably get locked now.

Also, we've got a mod right here wringing her hands about how awful all this sneering snark is, yet not taking any action against the poster slinging it... Any particular reason for that?

I've observed that women are offended by guys complaining that women will only date guys with money. It isn't quite as simple as that, but there is a grain of truth to it. I believe men experience greater stigma for being employment challenged than women. There is a stigma on people who are on disability or only work part time, and this stigma does fall disproportionately harder on men. Maybe it's not as bad now as it was in the 50s, but it still exists to some degree and I think men on this forum experience it. It isn't because women as a group are more prejudiced than men. It has little to do with anything women consciously decide as a group. It's simply due to the influence of traditional gender roles, the same ones that feminists claim are sexist. It isn't something deliberately imposed by either women or men, but both sexes are influenced by culture.

With that said, I suppose it is sexist to say "women only want money", or "women are materialistic". I don't think this is true at all. I think it comes up when the lonely guys complain because they are experiencing something. They are experiencing the effects of gender roles. Maybe men on here should be more conscious in trying to avoid phrases like the ones above that most of us would agree are offensive.

It is another thing though to just outright deny the reality of what men experience, that they are disproportionately rejected for being on disability or working only part time. To just outright dismiss this because the idea that it even exists is somehow sexist or offensive to women in turn offends men by silencing their ability to express certain frustrations. The knee-jerk denial and instant dismissal of their complaints invalidates their experience completely. This I think is a large source of hostility.

I get that it appears guys are singling out women as a group when they complain about their experiences, but I think the reality is this... guys say "women" a lot because they are heterosexual and thus aren't attempting to date men. If they did date men, you would probably see a lot more complaints directed at "men". In other words, I don't think the singling out of "women" as a group is really intentional. I suppose guys should be encouraged to substitute "people" for "women" when they talk about negative dating experiences. Maybe that would help. I just don't think prohibiting men from ever complaining about experiences is helpful as they will just feel as though they are being told their feelings don't matter and they should just shut up. I think it has to be a two way street for there to be understanding on both sides. I don't think telling people who vent to shut up helps anything. It increases hostility.

I really tried hard to word everything as carefully as possible so nobody jumps down my thought. I don't know if it is avoidable though. I'm trying my best.

FYI we don't moderate threads in which we participate - as in conflict of interest. I thought you would know that.