Women asking guys out?

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I'm very bad with jokes. I just don't tell them.

My humor lies with how I live my life, juxtaposed with how others live their lives.

I laugh at myself all the time.

I think we all know deep down that the truly right thing would be for rejection to mean summary execution, and for men to be expected to prove their courage by approaching their female love interests anyway, if they want to be considered remotely worthy of a chance. Isn’t just about the most offensive thing to a woman for an unworthy suitor to believe he has a chance with her? Isn’t every father’s sincere wish that he could get any worthless lout who dared to as much as look in his daughter’s direction exemplarily hanged, drawn and quartered in the town square?

Good thing life is more interesting than that.

The lady at work I like doesn’t make jokes, she just does funny silly things.
I’m not so sure a lot of women would like me happy. I feel most women want a serious well off man, not a loser who does childish things and messes up in funny ways, makes odd sounds, plays with objects and is easily distracted like the dog from up.
Would you like a guy who found something weird and rushes home to to show you.
Or who’s idea of a good time is building a lego object.
Like my grandpa I’ve never grown up, but unlike me he lived in a time where women were more accepting and settled more.
My homour isn’t something I can write about it’s nit something I can do on command. It’s just stuff that happens. Like putting a pot on my head randomly as a hat.

How does OkCupid have sense of humor it’s not a living thing. I certainly don’t get w funnny silly vibe from it.

BTW I am a woman. And my dears, when I said confident in certain areas if their life I meant just that. Some areas, not all. I'm confident as an historian, and I am Confident that I am a beautiful woman, and that i am funny,however, I have trouble feeling confident and sexy with men. However, my confidence in my abilities makes me attractive, even if I dont feel it. I'm just using myself as an example.

What I am saying is that your passion for a subject can be appealing. If a guy like comics and tells me all about one and does the voices (for example) and looks happy and is enjoying talking to me he becomes attractive. True story - met a guy at an event and he was nervous and didn't talk about what makes him passionate (interests/hobbies/job) so he didn't contribute much to the conversation. I thought he seemed nice but I didn't think of him as a potential love interest. I met a second time at an event and he told me all about his passion for doing accents. He was animated and delightful, however, and I must stress this, he did not dominate the conversation with his interests. He listened too. This great guy was also an aspie. Guess what happened when he showed himself and his interests? He was asked on a date by a beautiful woman (me). I think he is the most gorgeous man ever, this view came from him showing me who he was.

PS: just in case someone gets uppity about me acknowledging that I am beautiful - I am just repeating what people (strangers and acquintainces) have been telling me all my life. It doesn't mean that I am any less troubled by my aspergers stuff, or any less insecure at times. I'm lucky enough to have a mother who believes in me and reminds me of my qualities.

I hope this post is of some help (and that it made sense.. I'm on a bus as I type and the sun is in my eyes)

The guy I was in a relationship for most of this year so far fits your Lego description. I'm into tabletop gaming, so we have spent an afternoon playing a ridiculous game called Brick Party where you instruct your partner to build a "lego" structure. With stupid rules like building with your eyes closed, or the instructor not bring able to speak. I kept asking if he'd had enough and he kept saying "it's building Lego, there's never enough". A much more appealing afternoon than doing something serious!!

I've been using OkC since before it was a dating site, so I'm familiar with the vibe the developers are going for. Have you read any of their articles etc.? It's not a very serious site. Maybe moreso these days.

I haven't quoted the other part of your post that I wanted to comment on but you described your humour. That's what I mean. You can describe it, like that, in your profile. That's what I've done anyway.

Hey, that exactly was my New Year's eve one year ago! Me, my spouse and our friend (female, by the way) building a Lego excavator all night long! We had great time together!

That sounds weird. The eyes closed and no talking. I use to be into board games back when I was happy. Haven’t desired to play any since. I use to enjoy lots of things that just seem so pointless now, that’s what happens when your worthless, nothing has meaning anymore. Nothing’s fun anymore. You seem ok but certainly you must realize your a super slim minority compared to other women. At least women from the USA.

I’ve read all their studies on dating which are very serious, maybe that you disagree with the results makes you find it funny?
They certainly seem to want to be a serious successful dating site.

I don’t understand? I should just talk about how weird and awkward I am and let women see I’m super creepy freak, I doubt that will help. If I was a woman it’d be seen as cute and adorable but as a man it’s seen as creepy, wrong, and horrible.

No women like quirky men.

Most American women see legos as just for kids and men who play with them or play at all as childish which is a big red flag. American men have to be serious all the time, work themselves to death to become middle class income. Anyone who doesn’t isn’t deemed a real man. I stopped playing with legos at 24 cause it meant no woman would date me, but look it didn’t matter, nothing I do makes any difference, I was born worthless and unlovable. God hates me.

I'm baffled as to how you could read their blog/studies and not see the humour.
They are "being serious" when they report the findings, in the sense that they aren't making stuff up. Doesn't mean they are presenting the data in a humourless way.

All the fears that men have about traits may being undesirable by the majority been confirmed by studies so far AND life experiences and anecdotes - like low income, short height, overweight, ugliness of the face...

All these experiments conduncted on Okc, Tinder ... etc also confirm further what we always feared.

It’s a big mistake to deny that guys like sly do really have life-status and physical traits undesirable by the very vast majority of women.

Sure, there’s always this odd who may like a guy with tons of issues; like my brother’s gf despite him having two chronic diseases: ulcerative colitis and diabetes - and he’s super skinny and his body is full of surgery traces.
He also puts an abdominal bag since he lost his large intestines.

But it’s his first gf at age 38 and she’s 40 - my sister - (who is well... obviously a woman too!and not a guy likes me who “doesn’t understand women”) she suspects her true intentions; she told me she’s still beautiful at her age and it’s not logical at all why she would pick a guy with all his *very difficult* health conditions while she can easily get a healthy guy; she suspects she’s just after freebies and that relationship is destined to end with an ugly end for him. Also the way how things started also makes it more suspicious; he claimed he just messaged her on fb and she accepted to meet him, just like that.

My mother also suspects her but she’s less pessimist about it.

Anyway, it doesn’t do any good to deny these realities; you have to be more honest with sly and tell him what he really needs to change to become more a more desirable man.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 30 Mar 2018, 8:20 am, edited 1 time in total.

What needs to be said that hasn't already been said numerous times? And why haven't you said it?

I always said it.

I have a suggestion regarding sly’s case:

There are two types of people here: Idealists and “Pragmatics” (or you may even called Red-pillers) ; I think after a... how long you have been trying to help him? 5 years?
It’s time to admit that it was a failure.

It’s time for you Idealists to abstain from advising him and step aside for a while; give a room to the Pragmatic ones who had little to good relationship success to help him without all the idealism noise; users like me, Closet_genius, 314, grand inquistor (alex can be so too, but I feel he’s way ahead of us so he may not relate to sly’s problems at all)... you know users who say things bluntly without any sugar-coating.
I think 314 in particular can really help sly the most.

What do you all think?

I asked the man who became my Husband out. When we first met we talked for hours and seemed to have a real connection, then he said “Well, it’s getting late, I suppose I should be heading home” and he left I was surprised and a bit confused. He had told me what he did for a living and roughly what area he worked, so I went through the phone book and rang the likely places. Three calls in and I found him He said he hadn’t asked me out because he thought I would turn him down . Poor sods been stuck with me ever since.

I’d avoid the “red pill” part unless you want to make those who insist on seeing us as sexist right. On the other hand, I also think it’d help to stop pretending our difficulties are comparable to those women face. There’s no shortage of experience on these very forums of women getting into relationships, or at least gaining a lot of experience quickly about what they do and do not want in a partner, as soon as they come out of a more or less sheltered situation and expose themselves to the wide world, while men often spend lots of years trying to do the same to no avail. Women may face other problems, but these are beside the point when it comes to advising someone like sly279.