Women asking guys out?

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Those idealists often act as if they know sly's situation better than he does. If he keeps repeating that financial situation is causing him problems then maybe it does?

I don't consider myself an idealist, or a pragmatist, but I do know that if you have nothing going on in your life, you don't talk to people, can't sustain interesting conversation, and are super anxious and uncomfortable in social situations, very few folks are going to take the time to bother with you.

That's just life. The only humans who deserve unconditional love are infants and small children. For everybody else, you have to have something to bring to the table, whether that's money, appearance, a good sense of humor, ect. And it has to be more than simply being "nice," or "having a good personality." Everybody's "nice" and "has a good personality." That's like trying to sell a car and acting like the fact it has a steering wheel is a huge selling point.

You can wail and rend your garments in despair, but that's the way it is. Humans are the most socially complex primates on the planet, and, if you can't play by NT rules, you're going to get left in the dust. You can be mad about it, but a blind person can be furious that society is built around sighted folks, but it won't change anything.

And I've come to the aforementioned conclusions completely without having to rely on pseudo-scientific "red pill" crap.

It's good you have him as a friend/work partner.

I'm sure if he was interested, he would ask you out or at least show you interest.

Maybe it will come later.

Least. Helpful. Post. EVER.

But it’s all truth. I get the sense that we just want to be accepted for “who we are,” flaws and all, and that somehow the big bad world owes us love and romance and the rest of it. Girls should just love us. When girls say looks don’t matter, money doesn’t matter, that it should be the plain truth and because we’re just “good people” girls who say those things should date us “as-is,” “no warranties,” and “no questions asked.”

There’s an old song by Wham!—“Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go.” The story is about a girl (presumably) who sneaks out to go dancing, and her lover is beleaguered because she won’t wake him up to go out with her. The last verse, he says it’s too cold to go out, so we should stay home. Wait...you just said to tell you when she’s leaving, but you’re just gonna make her stay home anyway???

In our bigger picture, it’s not so much that we lack the will to “take her dancing.” We sometimes lack the ability. You can’t blame anyone for wanting what they want. So it might mean you really are better off single.

But I do think for the rest of us, we’d rather “stay home” more often than not. No making changes. No opening ourselves to another’s idea of fun. No breaking out of our comfort zones. No taking interest in someone else, even if it means taking interest in things we aren’t normally interested or involved in.

It’s a brutal thought and not helpful at all, but some people as they are just aren’t cut out for dating.

If I ever do suggest something to try to help someone, for whatever it’s actually worth to anyone, the assumption is that the person asking for advice isn’t hopeless.

Agent 314, it’s time for you to take over the operation.

Hail Putin!

Screw you. Слава Україні!

Ok, in all seriousness, I recall you said you're overweight and I do recall you struggled in dating, yet you're married now, maybe you should tell sly the truth what you did.



Yeah, I can relate, that reminds me when they kept telling me that my short-height problem is all in my head, yet there are girls who literally told me (after the first date) that I am too short for them, so how is this just all in my head? This what bugs me about these idealists, It was/is a real struggle, not an imaginary thing.

My position is somewhere in between. The idealist side holds out for optimistic hope, that there is some defining moment that defies all odds and people fall for you as you are.

But the reality is people do tend to judge people based on looks, and that happens for a reason. Certain looks seem to indicate behaviors. Unpleasant people have an unpleasant look. So sometimes looks are in conflict with who a person really is. It just takes time for people to give “unattractive” people a chance because they can’t see through the exterior.

Which is why Boo ultimately ends up on the winning side. Same reason sly and Marknis can eventually turn this thing around. Because then it really DOESN’T have anything to do with money, looks, or ability.

Why would they acknowledge it? Denying it makes them look better, and it’s you who suffers from it, not them.

The first thing sly and Marknis really need is a honest-harsh evaluation of their looks, the "idealist camp" who had been taking over sly/Markis' threads never ever did that, and never tried to encourage sly /marknis to post full-body pics of themselves for evaluation - because for the Idealist camp, "looks doesn't matter much" yeah right, looks improvement is first thing they need to do!

Weird! I don't remember I put this crying emoticon It makes me look pathetic.

How does denying it make them look better, you think?

Yeah, I wasn't really trying to be "helpful" as much as "real."

I don't normally explain my views, but, for the record, I believe women are just as shallow as men, wealth and social status make a huge difference, and men have it much harder during the "approach phase," and with the idea that they have to exude "confidence" at all times.

My worthless dating advice: bathe regularly, wear clean clothes, and learn how to talk to people. Everything else comes down to pure luck.

I liken it to my struggles with employment. I am at my best when I'm being creative, but "creative" jobs usually come down to luck and networking skills. I'll probably always be relegated to menial jobs where I have to scrub toilets and do all the things NTs are too proud to do. My list of disabilities keeps me out of "success" when it comes to jobs. Same thing with Aspie men and dating. This world wasn't meant for us.

Have many female friends who dumped men for being "too short."

Definitely not something that is only in "men's heads."

Exactly. I can't see anything being said that hasn't already been said many times since I returned to the site this year. Same stuff people were saying two years back, and presumably all the time in between. This particular thread isn't supposed to have anything to do with helping 2 male members improve themselves anyway. So there's no need to post advice to them here. If they start a thread for honest advice about what they might be able to improve, then sure, hopefully that's what would be found in there (even though it's already been said).

I've recently been giving advice via PM on request - I don't think an unrelated thread is the best place to tell individual members harsh truths about their looks or situation. But just cos you're not seeing something being said (which I argue, you are, just not by every single member), doesn't mean it's not being said.

Most people seem to like believing the world is nice and fair, in some sense other than the law of the jungle. They also have a habit of immediately concluding that someone who says something unpleasant is going on or is about to happen, wants it to happen. Therefore, bringing good news makes you look better, even if the news is false.

It doesn’t make sense to me, but they don’t need to convince me.