Why do almost all 'incels' blame their situation on looks?

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As most "incels" I've seen on photos are rather average looking, I would rather ask why so many people of average income blame their problems on lack of money?
Which I find an interesting question, by the way.

The vast majority of "incels" aren't ugly, they're just average-looking.

As I've already stated, most people are "average-looking." They improve their attractiveness by diet, exercise, cultivating interests, developing hobbies, scent, learning how to maintain conversations, ect. Incels, however, don't want to put forth the effort.

They're angry that they weren't born having hit the genetic lottery with women willing to drop their panties based on looks alone.

There's an easy-script that society tries to jam down on people. In a way when I was back in school it was almost like 'Which Saved By the Bell character are you?' and if they couldn't pigeonhole someone they'd ignore them. To some extent it's as true today online but it tends to happen more along 'which political group can I shoehorn you into'.

If you'd want a reason 'why' - they're maybe in part used to people having their personalities shaped by their appearances, or they're at least used to people who are almost in direct alignment with whatever their genetics gave them. I think I said this earlier but that amounts to them not being used to seeing people who've had to put any real manual work into who they are.

Oh, we're all Screech.

Robot Chicken always kills it (humorously) on this:

In what general kind of place do you live? (Urban, suburban, rural?) Have you ever made an effort to find compatible oddball women in places where they might actually congregate?

For the first question - suburb.

For the rest - yes. The problem is you go to these places and you typically find something slightly different than what people would suggest would be there. A good example, I spent a good portion of my 30's in mystic faternities and noticed in most of the orders it was people over 50, with one of the Crowley related orders it seemed like personality had self-selected for a way of thinking where I was tangentially appreciated but it was understood that I didn't fit in. Before that my primary music passions, ie. drum n bass and similar genres, were something you could take part in if you were going to raves and particularly producing - I found producing much more interesting than dj'ing but that comes with the caveat that unless you're out playing live your almost undiscoverable. I did get out with friends to a lot of house parties in my early to mid 20's, my friends tended to drag me out to the down town club district in my mid to late 20's but that obviously was a low-trust landscape, as my friends moved a couple hours away I'd go where they were at and what seemed to reliably happen is they never had anyone in their circles I'd date and the few girls who I was really interested in, literally, I met one maybe every four or five years in total.

I'd agree with any assertion that I've been selective, on one hand it's trust issues and on the other it's been - however one might phrase it - 'having a soul' (I hesitate to use that phrase because it comes with its own baggage), someone whose really interested and curious about life, big questions, what's going on around her, seems unfortunately rare and repressed. If I've been picky it's mostly revolved around my deep sense of alienness, not fitting in, meeting very few people whose emotional structure seemed to be built similarly, and without the ability to flow with people or have things automatically click at that level there's little in the way of looks or anything else that can make up the difference. I've heard enough people these days say that the contents of the last sentence, ie. trying to find someone who can 'see' and appreciate you, is way over the top and most people settle for much less - that may very well be the case, just that I don't like the outcomes of that at all (it becomes something like dutifully throwing yourself under the bus for nature rather than caring about your own growth, health, or happiness).

The thing I've noticed is that I can't just look for 'oddball' women. There are plenty who are in bad shape in terms of how they live and would take me to similar places. Crazy hair-color and piercings more often than not just means something of a pressed, vanilla political tribe membership. I can look for what vibes up as closer to normal or somewhere between but different in a self-owned way but even there it's tricky - you can just as often find an ethos that the guy whose worthy in that case needs to be rock star or something else that's bigger than life. That trims the margins a lot and really leaves things down to luck and timing, something that's hardly under anyone's control.

I feel like there's a real risk in opening up this much (for all kinds of reasons) but maybe I'll sort of roll what I've been saying up as this - there's a certain sense of 'find your tribe' with dating. The idea is, if you're looking for anything serious at all, forming a family and it seems like you'd want that to be with someone who you'd want to have in your life - otherwise the 'family' element is lost.

Another flag i think i need to throw out every once in a while just because people generally don't follow threads, going over my life in detail in a thread like this someone can open this tab, be like 'ah - techstepgenr8tion's talking an awful lot about his life - he must be one of those self-proclaimed incels' and no, the topic here is whether 'not fitting in' or having an atypical personality, body language, etc. can cause just as many problems as lacking looks and while I would clearly say yes to that question I'm finding that I'm needing to pull a lot of personal anecdote out to explain what it is I mean.

Understand what you're saying techstep. I find I can't always explain myself r argue a point well because I don't want to share the particulars publicly.

Unfortunately, you are right about that. It's my impression as well that I will only find somebody really interesting & compatible once a decade or so. The really interesting ones that are soulmate material might only show up once in a lifetime or so, and you will likely not be prepared for it or have a suitable relationship status.

OTOH, with better knowledge it might be possible to improve on those figures.

Agreed. I realized pretty early that it would be futile to find a girl that shared my interests, appreciated me and was emotionally & spiritually compatible. So, I just dropped those requirements. By pure luck and a really unusual context, I now have met a woman that fit all those things.

Think that would just about take Google with a General AI match-maker. Might be possible if they keep collecting enough history on us but I'd also guess pragmatic uses would land sooner.

Maybe I should add for the benefit of the conversation:

If I have an distortion to my lens on the subject it could very well be this - I don't often meet guys in their 20's or 30's who are perma-children in the way that gets let on here. I've met plenty of self-centered and narcissistic a***holes, I've met plenty people who didn't give a flying leap about anyone but themselves, but admittedly as far as the canonical guy that age where everyone sort of gapes in horror and asks each other if he was breast-fed until he was twelve, I tend to see those only once every few years. I could be living in the wrong area and maybe other parts of the country or the world is filled with them?

The sorts of 'can't socialize, can't do anything' type of nerds Monday sometimes talks about I've maybe seen one or two packs of those in my lifetime and had about the same feeling as he did - couldn't relate, didn't want to be around them much. In my own case I think it was the sense that I had to fight so hard (against my own nervous system) to establish my social skills and any veneer of virility that being around such too long would have felt like collapsing into a sort of death. For all the flaws my friends at the time had their flaws were more toward the side of the side where I understood that if you aren't masculine as a guy the world will hardly let you live and that I'd need to fight with everything I had to maintain it.

The internet has created the Incel problem. Porn addiction and online gaming addictions leads to social isolation, anger, bitterness and resentment. Censorship is the answer and banning porn and restricting online gaming may reduce this problem. We only have to look at third world countries where there is no Incel problem. There is no incel problem in India or China, despite men significantly out number women.

What makes you so sure that there's not an incel problem in those countries?