Red Flags

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We have a subforum here for people who speak other languages.
If you'd rather communicate in French for some of the things you don't understand, try posting there.

Love bombing is usually when a person starts laying it on thick in a romantic manner, far too quickly for the context of relations between two people.

An example could be meeting someone online, who you barely know, and after a little chit-chat between two people, one of the persons starts saying things like "I love you" or "I can't live without you". This can be to the end of trying to get something, perhaps money or sex.

Thank you very much blitzkrieg, it is more clear with your examples.
I think I could recognize it.

I knew my partner two years before we got into a relationship.
We kissed and the next day, I remember telling him: "- I think I wouldn't mind getting married to you too much yet".
He told me years later that it scared him and that it made him confused to the point of wanting to end the relationship (I always told him that I never wanted to get married).
Was it interpretable as "love bombing"?
I think I didn't really mean it because I don’t want to be married but it came out that way.

Well, love-bombing usually has a connotation of psychological manipulation being associated with it. Sometimes, love-bombers target individuals who may be disillusioned with society to the end of some personal gain.

You sound like you meant well, but what you did could be interpreted as love bombing, since love bombing in its essential form is over-the-top attention & affection at the beginning of a relationship, usually.

I.e, having a single date with someone and bombing someone's inbox with "I love you" or "you are the centre of my world" & the like.

Back the topic of the thread:

Another red flag I would say is a date being preoccupied with saying negative things about their ex early on in dating relations.

Not only does it remind the person on the receiving end that they aren't the only one, which is arguably less romantic on a date, it also highlights that the person make the criticisms has perhaps not processed the emotional baggage that they have from a previous relationship, which is usually not a good thing.

^ A guy I went on a date with once talked about his ex a lot during the date. That actually wouldn't bother me that much, but his problems with her were over relatively minor stuff. It's not like she cheated on him or was abusive in any way, so it was kind of strange that he was complaining about her nonstop. It didn't seem like a very good sign.

It has happened to me before also, though I felt upset that someone was talking about their ex, and not giving me their present attention. I suppose everyone is different in terms of their reaction to this kind of thing.

It is a bit like being on a date with a third, invisible person, in my mind, when some abstract figure who you likely haven't met, becomes the focus of a date between two people.

Yeah, I think it's typically a bad idea except in certain circumstance - like if you were friends first and were sharing ex stories in a conversational way.

I didn't really feel like I could share ex stories because then it would've seemed like I was trying to one-up him or something, so I was stuck smiling sympathetically and feeling uncomfortable. All-in-all it was one of my more successful dates.

Yeah. Personally, in today's climate, I'd rather hash out exes in a conversation via electronic means. I wouldn't want to hear about it on an actual date in person. That way you can get any unpleasantness contained within a chat window, rather than having the rawness of it all in the flesh.

Haha, I'm not surprised you felt uncomfortable. I think that is a normal emotional reaction in such circumstances.

Thank you very much for answering my question.
In hindsight, I think I wanted to point out that I didn't mind us getting something more real than just kisses or huggings.
But I'm awkward. It took me two years to understand that we were a couple and as many years to tell him that ”I love you". These three words are easy for me to say and to feel … but not to identify … and the time for my brain to understand it is super long.

A ref flag that I could propose:
"- I hate children".
Granted, I don't want children, granted I find babies ugly and I suffer when they scream, granted, children disturb me by going so fast towards me while I'm dying of fear of them (adults run away from me) but I must admit that ...
… sometimes I think they're cute.
I really don't understand how one can "hate" children. This is beyond me and I still have the impression that these people are psychopaths (I'm probably wrong).

Some people refer to themselves as Anti-Natalists. I suppose everyone's entitled to their opinion but it seems like an attempt at saying the human race is beyond redemption and everyone is evil at their core, they have no concept of love, or they have bad genes to worry about passing on. It seems like uber-paranoia about their own mental health or a guilty conscience about their character, imo.

^ Fine observation!
Thank you for this hypothesis which seems very credible to me and very well explained. It's very interesting.
Therefore, it can be understood that I cannot find it safe to meet these types of people.

I'm glad you understood despite the language barrier.

^ I am sometimes helping me with Deepl. .
(I read you are a bit fluent in french and I wonder if my english is rather bad or too literal).
When I was studying, I was a good student in English but I think I've lost everything because I don't speak English but I do read a lot of English though (when I read English sources for my special interests).

Your English is quite good, I think, Checkbox.

Don't worry about it.

Nice.
Thank you, blitzkrieg.
I hope to pay its honor to France - or at least, not to shame it too much … because French people are famous for having difficulties with Shakespeare's language.