I am the XX year old virgin. Add your name to the list.

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You will be destroyed.

i'm pretty sure the cybermen could use my sick synth skills in one way or another, let's talk about it over a nice cup of motor oil XD

Glad I could help, er...hope I did, at least. I know it's confusing to understand; it's confusing as hell to write.

I've seen your posts around so I may be able to give you a little more personal advice (which may help others reading, too). You come off as very dry. Massively intelligent a lot of the time, but missing the finer points of emotional discourse. I think that could be just how you come off, though, and I won't touch whether or not you're like that in person--it sounds to me like you're at least careful and aware of how you may be perceived, which is a real perk. I just think, from what I can tell, you probably need to loosen up a bit more emotionally, or as much as you can.

Also, from what you say, you have very high standards. Great, it actually thrills me to see that! Problem is, these standards may be a bit too narrow, as you've probably already guessed. Is there a way you could open up more to a prospective woman's own interests? Here is where the former emotional looseness comes in handy, since it allows for a closer connection and more opportunities for you, both in relationships and life. For one, I envision you needing more of a balance, maybe a woman who loves music but isn't so great at math, and has strong points where you do not (wherever that may be). One thing's for sure: don't ever lower your standards for overall intelligence, I get that you'd be miserable. ;)

I based all of the above on 'gut feelings' and intuition, of course, so forgive me if it's too presumptuous. But you, like so many other guys I see on here, have promise, especially with your intelligence, so I like to take a stab at some advice and insight, however limited it is.



Hah, well I can't exactly conclude that's what smells, but it's not even a true smell. Imagine a smell that's more like a taste; it's like that, and completely indescribable. My boyfriend gets his own brand of it pretty strong the more randy he gets, and I even have it when I'm PMSing and very aggressive sometimes. Maybe it's cortisol. Hell if I know, but brutish guys reek of it, I promise!

Yes, I'm pretty dry much of the time, even my humour is mostly dry. I'm not quite sure what to do about that. That said, I tend to be even more dry on WP because otherwise I suspect people would misunderstand me.

Of course I don't demand that a prospective girlfriend share all of my interests, usually it's just one but even that is fairly uncommon. I set the same standards with girls that I do with friends in this regard. Otherwise I imagine I would get bored and disappoint them.

I'm not so sure about my intelligence. I do OK but in college I've known a few brilliant people and you wouldn't really know it until getting to know them. When someone who I hardly know tells me IRL that they think I'm intelligent I consider the notion that I've been unintentionally "showing off" too much. How I come across in this regard has never served me well with the opposite sex to date.

I am not assexual nor a lesbian, I am attracted to man(in a different way from the NTs of course) and currently in love with one. I just admired you for WAITING FOR SOMEONE which is uncommon among NTs in which we all live in this sea. I am the kind of person who wants to belong to an only person. So yeah I love things that last forever, not being used and not using anyone.

I have the same problem with humour on here, and I have a dry sense of humour anyway. I think it depends on your location whether or not such a sense of humour will go over well. In my experience it takes certain people, but I live in a place where slapstick and crude highschool humour are the norm, though.

What I mean by 'massively intelligent' is somewhat tongue in cheek, but I also meant it relatively. I know college can be a different story to just being out in the gritty workplace, but generally speaking, people don't come across with an intellectual flair. I can see your points about being seen as a show-off, and I've had a problem with that myself. I've ended up having to curb that somewhat, but I'm also a woman. Why in hell perceived or communicated intellect would go over badly with women is beyond me -- maybe you just need to find a local sapiophile club? Now if only that existed....

Good luck, at any rate. I have no doubt it'll happen sooner or later, and with high standards it should be well worth the wait.

Part of the male perspective, and/or aspie male perspective, which obviously differs greatly from what I'm hearing from Orbyss:
Why is so-called "desperation" so scary?
Men think of it like commerce, in a way. You, as a woman, have something to sell: your love, your attention, and yes, sex...to a man who is interesting and will treat you well.
A "desperate" man is simply a very motivated buyer.
Where else in life does a reasonable seller flee from a motivated buyer?
What is so terrible about this "desperation"?
I'm a very good guy to get with, as my new girlfriend is discovering. I was a good guy for all those decades that I radiated desperation, and all of those women who ran for the hills missed out.
It sounds like there are a lot of good guys like me out there still being ignored.
And a mountain of evidence that all kinds of bad guys who mastered the art of manipulation have no trouble getting laid or into relationships that the women wind up regretting.
In light of this evidence, has it occurred to any women that their evaluation process could be flawed?
Orbyss?

The worry seems to be that desperate guys may not care so much about the women they seek as they do meeting their own personal ambition about getting laid or saying they have or had a girlfriend. People like to think that their lovers consider them to be special, at least for more than just being there, looking OK and saying yes.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

My point is that I - and possibly many more "desperate" guys - was desperate to give as well as receive. Meaning women are throwing away the good guys along with the more selfish guys they are trying to avoid. And they're still not succeeding all the time with guys they find acceptably non-desperate. That gives women a batting average of .500 with their rejections, and a batting average of .500 with their acceptances. That's the same as choosing at random. Which means the appearance of desperation is not a reliable criterion for rejecting someone.

You're right... they're no better off with the "players" who treat them at the very best like trophies than they are with us "desperate" guys. But somehow they THINK they are. I guess it's not something which can be changed. I'm not even sure it's a "logical" or even conscious misapprehension. But if it is, then it's along the lines of "If he's never had many girlfriends, then there must be something wrong with him." Also, most of us don't exactly exude confidence, and negativity is usually a turn-off to most people.

LOL 20 years old and going "insane". Grow up. You're still just a kid, like me, and there's so much out there. Get over it, experience life, and you'll probably lose it when you least expect to

As for me everyone, as you've probably guessed, a virginal 20 (though sadly not completely innocent )

The reason for the whole "player syndrome" thing is pretty simple. Girls (and I admit I'm one of them, in both senses ) are attracted to guys who are confident in themselves. Players have that. BUT you can be a 60 year old virgin and also have that. You don't have to be an a**hole to be self confident, you just have to accept who you are, be yourself, and continue to be yourself (perhaps even retort with a clever quip) even if people try to put you down, and girls will throw themselves at you.

It's not the "a**hole" factor that girls like (a common misconception), it's the self confidence. And I know it's hard, but you've got to learn it if you want to snag more people in the general population. It took me a while, but I put myself out there and learnt the self confidence to be myself, and it's amazing how many more guys are attracted to me than before.

Wow...

I have no doubt you're a good guy, and no offense, but maybe this attitude is what's kept you single for so long. The only people looking for "motivated buyers" are prostitutes and people literally willing to settle for anyone. Women (or men, for that matter) aren't looking to "sell" anything--that's a completely false analogy. They're ultimately looking for a partner, the right person as opposed to a motivated buyer. Even if you just want someone to hook up with on a Saturday night, you're not out there selling to the highest bidder, you're looking for the right person to share an experience with, however fleeting and shallow that experience may be--and even if your criteria is only based on looks.

Ultimately, it all comes down to chemistry. You could theoretically be a great person and have all the characteristics another person is looking for on paper but if you don't connect on some level it's not gonna work. It's visceral--you can't help who you're attracted to or who you fall in love with, it just happens, and the timing has to be right as well as the circumstances.

If you're going to use "selling" as an analogy, you can't think of it as having something to sell to a potential buyer--love, sex, companionship, intimacy, whatever--but selling yourself to a potential screener. You have to put the best part of yourself on display and just hope that resonates with the right person. Unfortunately, radiating desperation just ain't gonna cut it--unless you find someone that's equally desperate or incredibly sympathetic, and even there you might run into some problems. That's probably why my relationship never worked out and why after about three years on and off it was never officially consummated and I'm leaving desperate posts on a thread called "I am the XX year old virgin"--because the proper connections were never made at the beginning; it started out on the wrong foot and on some level of desperation (on her part, actually, at least initially--so this about not acting desperate goes for women too).

bRain524 I think you've hit on the knocker what I've been trying to get at in these arguments but have so far been unsuccessful due to my roundabout logic.

Hmmm...nobody gets it. I give up. I'm glad I lucked out with my new girl.