"Just be friendly."

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19 Jun 2019, 11:12 am

Ok so according to the ladies here, this is the conclusive tip for Marknis:

You don’t need to change anything, you can stay as you are.
Just don’t be a “boo-hoo” defeatist like how some of them hinted. And all will be well.

You just need to breath, that’s all, some woman may find your breathing sexy!

TwilightPrincess
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19 Jun 2019, 11:14 am

Fnord wrote:

Twilightprincess wrote:

Fnord wrote:

Teach51 wrote:

... women want to have a partner who can help support a family ... women are drawn to charisma and kindness, someone who will listen and validate their feelings, more than money and status...

^QFT^ It's the whole package, with greater emphasis on some aspects and less on others, depending on who's looking. The idea that it's ONLY empathy or ONLY wealth or ONLY good looks is preposterous -- everything gets taken into account, and not just one or two aspects. But the complete lack of even one aspect will "break the deal".

Everyone is different, though. Some will be fine if one aspect is lacking. It’s usually not that logical. It often comes down to just clicking with somebody for no apparent reason.

... which serves to explain the high rates of divorce and spousal abuse...

Having a good job isn’t going to keep a toxic person from abusing a spouse.

Obviously though, safety is important. One should exercise a great deal of caution when entering any relationship.

I didn’t know that you had been homeless Fnord.

TwilightPrincess
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19 Jun 2019, 11:17 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

I said several posts back that self improvement is a good thing. People should always try to improve in the areas that they can if only for themselves.

The positivity that generates from that is almost more important than the results. It’s not ideal to be with someone who has given up entirely.

It’s not the end of the world if there’s things that you can’t change. Just devote time and energy on the other areas that are within your control and ability.

TwilightPrincess
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19 Jun 2019, 11:19 am

What’s with the condescension Boo?

The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Jun 2019, 11:21 am

Twilightprincess wrote:

What’s with the condescension Boo?

That’s probably part of your imagination.

magz
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19 Jun 2019, 11:36 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Honestly?
Yes, the biggest deal breaker in Mark's case is - in my opinion - his defeatism.
All the "disadvantages" Boo pointed out would be at least tolerable for me, the majority of them present in my current or some of my past relationships.
In Mark's case living with his mother would be also a problem for me - not because of the status thingy but because this relationship seems unhappy and unhealthy. I wouldn't like a boyfriend stuck in perpetual unhappiness.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

You just need to breath, that’s all, some woman may find your breathing sexy!

You just need to go and do things you enjoy. Enjoyment is sexy!

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AquaineBay
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19 Jun 2019, 11:58 am

Quote:

Yes. I agree because women want to have a partner who can help support a family

That is the problem. Due to inflation and jobs paying less it's hard to get jobs that would make enough money to support a family. With many jobs requiring college degrees and many men not finishing college getting good jobs is really hard.

It could work but most of the time the man would have to sacrifice his life to do so, he would basically be a slave to his job. Both parents can work but, that tends to cause children to act out because no one is there to take care of them.

For many households one has to work and the other has to stay home to take care of the children and the house, Children can't raise themselves. There are exceptions but, it's very rare.

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Marknis
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19 Jun 2019, 12:34 pm

magz wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

You just need to breath, that’s all, some woman may find your breathing sexy!

You just need to go and do things you enjoy. Enjoyment is sexy!

Oddly, my mother thinks living with her shouldn't be a deal breaker because she thinks most Millennials (She applies that term to me) live with their parents but I have a feeling it's another one of her control freak behaviors for her to say that. I also don't really like the term Millennial applied to me because it brings up images of adolescents who know all about Kim Kardashian but nothing about William Gibson and Facebook is the center of their world. I actually read books and I prefer talking to people in person instead of Facebook messenger.

A part of me realizes defeatism doesn't help me. I just get frustrated how I have to go through the day alone while couples pass me by. I always wonder when my "turn" will come.

funeralxempire
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19 Jun 2019, 8:15 pm

Marknis wrote:

magz wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

You just need to breath, that’s all, some woman may find your breathing sexy!

You just need to go and do things you enjoy. Enjoyment is sexy!

For what it's worth, Millennials are all adults now. The current crop of adolescents are generally considered a new cohort.

Living with your parents might not be a total deal-breaker, but it might be with most folks who live on their own. This was one of the many factors in why my last relationship fell apart.

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The Grand Inquisitor
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19 Jun 2019, 9:39 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

According to the “theoreticians,” I’d still be a loveless virgin today if I didn’t seek to learn about women and understand them.

Women cater to men somewhat, and vice versa.

I’m not good at math and mechanics. Im not a “genius” in any way. I’m not “smart” enough for Mensa. I like dealing with logic over emotion, but find relying solely on logic leads to many dead ends...

I’m short, on the heavy side, not socially adept, clumsy. I learned how to hide my awkwardness through being something of a jokester eccentric. And listening to what other people say. Making a little small talk when needed—but not too often. People understand that I’m not “like them.”

People think I’m “nuts but not dangerous.”

Most women don’t go for classic “alpha” males. They fantasize about movie stars, but realize the man they are with now is the one they really want to be with. Some of these men really are not good-looking in the classic sense.

My point is not that everybody must have a great job, great body, great income, etc, to get a relationship. The point is that people with all the flaws I listed above in conjunction with each other are likely going to struggle finding a partner. You have to have qualities that are attractive enough to where at least some women think they could potentially consider you their best dating option to even get your foot in the door. Marknis, as he's indicated multiple times, can't even get a coffee date.

You were able to get into relationships, but Marknis can't. I don't accept that Marknis and virtually all of us in similar situations on the spectrum just so happen to simultaneously have horrendous luck with love and dating. There are observable patterns and parallels to be drawn that make much more sense than any other explanation. Maybe dating was different 20 or 30 years ago, I don't know, but considering that the ratio between women and men having sex within a single year used to be similar, but now it's come out that men are having sex at significantly lower annual rates and women are having sex at roughly the same annual rates, it stands to reason that some things have changed in the last 20 years.

Someone might say that Marknis isn't struggling because he and his life circumstances don't appeal to women, but rather, because he has a defeatist attitude. To which I would ask, where do you think that attitude came from? Do you really think that Marknis started trying to date with a pessimistic attitude, or do you think maybe that attitude took form as a result of numerous and consistent failures with love and dating? And if the latter is true and he developed the attitude through failing at love and dating (I'd be willing to bet money that that's the case), then how can you assert that attitude is the problem when he was already failing before developing a negative attitude? There are reasons that Marknis fails at love and dating, and while his attitude surely won't be helping matters, it's only being enforced by his failures. I'll bet if he started succeeding, his attitude would change almost instantly.

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20 Jun 2019, 12:27 am

Well, in case the guy can't work, and the woman wants to have an infinite supply of enjoyments and fun, then you can do like this couple!
https://9gag.com/gag/amB42zj?ref=fbp&fb ... qmiEiot6TQ

Just fund them for their lavish travels and...for their hundreds of tattoos.

The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Jun 2019, 12:33 am

magz wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

You just need to breath, that’s all, some woman may find your breathing sexy!

You just need to go and do things you enjoy. Enjoyment is sexy!

"Doing things you enjoy" cost money, you know. :mrgreen:

Mona Pereth
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20 Jun 2019, 12:59 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

What is your source of statistics on this matter?

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:

Someone might say that Marknis isn't struggling because he and his life circumstances don't appeal to women, but rather, because he has a defeatist attitude. To which I would ask, where do you think that attitude came from? Do you really think that Marknis started trying to date with a pessimistic attitude, or do you think maybe that attitude took form as a result of numerous and consistent failures with love and dating? And if the latter is true and he developed the attitude through failing at love and dating (I'd be willing to bet money that that's the case), then how can you assert that attitude is the problem when he was already failing before developing a negative attitude? There are reasons that Marknis fails at love and dating, and while his attitude surely won't be helping matters, it's only being enforced by his failures. I'll bet if he started succeeding, his attitude would change almost instantly.

Autistic people do face intrinsic disadvantages. There are ways to offset these disadvantages, but most of these require building up a social network -- also something most of us aren't good at.

In my opinion, for many autistic people, what we may need is a systematic solution that involves building the autistic community, with autistic-friendly social spaces that are also of interest to some NT's. I don't have all the answers on how to do this, but it's something we need to figure out together. Alas this isn't a quick fix -- it will take a long time.

In the meantime, I think Marknis needs to focus on getting his life together in ways other than dating. Among other things he needs to try to make friends in ways I've suggested elsewhere.

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20 Jun 2019, 1:08 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

"Doing things you enjoy" cost money, you know. :mrgreen:

I'm really sorry if this is true for you

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cyberdad
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20 Jun 2019, 2:27 am

I think Magz and twightlight princess you are both missing the point

Firstly once you leave school it becomes an order of magnitude harder to find single available partners each year you get older. Basically the pool of potential candidates starts to shrink as you get older.

From this shrinking pool you have to find a girl who is not into alpha males and is open minded as both of you,...and guess what! there are very few of those left...why? because open minded girls are quickly snatched up from the pool because (and wait for the drum roll...they are not picky!! !! !! !)

Case in point....I read posts from girls on this forum who proudly state how open minded they are and willing to date a guy for their personality...yet none of them are available or they are in relationships (hmmm I wonder why?) . Not to mention the girls they claim they know who are like them but....are also in relationhsips

I agree with boo....it's kind of like dangling a nice fish in front of a hungry cat saying there's plenty of free fish in the sea if you look but you aren't going to have this one...how do the single guys on WP feel when they read this stuff even though they have tried looking for years.... :oops: embarrassed and frustrated.

So basically what single guys are left with are single girls in their 30s and 40s who are so damn picky (I know I have been through all this) over the smallest itsy bitsy flaw you have.

Is it any surprise that myself, Kraftie and Fnord have all married girls from outside out culture. At least collectivist cultures women still believe in marriage and long term relationships.

I am not saying it's anybody's fault but it's just a sign of the times, the probability of finding a compatible partner gets harder. When you throw in personal obstacles (like the ones Marknis listed) you may as well get used to celibacy.

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20 Jun 2019, 2:35 am

^^ This, exactly, and also...

Talk is easy, try to live a life of utter poverty and then I bet most of these ladies would sing a different tune.

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