Why do girls want cocky, arrogant guys?

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Romance based on research findings is a fallacy.

Let me reframe the question. Why would you guys want a girl who would want cocky, arrogant and mean guys? Ask yourself what kind of girl would want them, think about it and stay clear.

I don’t want a nice guy.
I don’t want a douche.

I want an extremely clever, classy, self aware and perceptive man, with a keen interest in science, thriller movies and going out for dinner.

I could see myself getting on well with a doctor or university lecturer.

..That sounds like a dating tape from the ninties.

It's also frustrating seeing more judgement directed at females who remain with cruel men than at the cruel men themselves.

These men often do not initially reveal their cruelty. By the time it does happen it is usually after attachment has occurred.

By then the chemical prison of bonding has occurred and it can actually be incredibly difficult and even seemingly impossible to endure the sickening disorientation of ending the bond.

It can be like a drug addiction. Judging and
resenting these women (though again by the way it's not just women, men can become chemically bonded to abusive females too) is actually very similar to judging drug addicts, people trapped in obesity, people trapped in poverty. If you've felt the sting of people ridiculing the more socially painful aspects your neurological wiring, it may help to relate that in a pseudo analogous fashion to how isolating it can be to be imprisoned by floods of heightened oxytocin and serotonin followed by cortisol and adrenalin deeply associated with another human being.

Thank you. Exactly! Relationships are more dynamic than the initial question implies. I doubt many women would choose someone because he's cocky, but maybe choose him in spite of it if he has other positive qualities. I personally find arrogance to be a major turn off.
I equally doubt that it's the "nice guys'" niceness that turns women away. If you're facing continual rejection, don't fall prey to that stereotype, look deeper to figure out what the actual issue may be. Kind people more often win respect and love, not rejection.

Confidence is definitely necessary. I seek to increase confidence by reducing uncertainty where possible. Very low uncertainty would help lead to more confidence.

My view is it's a baseline pre-requisite alongside other things. I have some confidence but I sense I need extremely high confidence. How do we reconcile ourselves with a version of ourselves that is overflowing with absolute confidence, I would say essential what the stereotypical "nice guy" would call godly confidence.

It needs to be tied to definite things as false confidence should be easy to detect if knowledge of the relevant topics are present. What can be a struggle is how much to "extrapolate". I don't personally like or really believe in the idea of "stretching the truth" but it seems others have considerable success doing so. I don't believe any of the super cocky arrogant guys are legitimately the complete package.



For myself I do not specifically want a girl who is specifically after arrogant and mean guys. I just believe that due to the confidence factor that a very large percentage of women want them. I can infer that a sizeable level of confidence is absolutely necessary for any girl.


I think simply judgement itself doesn't solve things.


Nice guys have a similar thing if not the exact same thing happen only it's before ever talking to the girl in question. If they lack the requisite merits then it's resented by others and seen as absolutely pathetic to feel that way. It's seen as the worst kind of entitlement to simply feel attraction to women who aren't also attracted to the guy.

I've observed that people can react just as negatively to guy admitting a crush(but has never done anything about it) as they would if he made unwanted advances. It is probably the very most emasculating thing to a guy's image if he can't get over an unrequited crush.


But even such a person, I'd have to wonder if they'd garner any attention from you at all if they're not highly confident. Most likely these kinds of guys are around but remain invisible.

What the topic was getting at IMO is there's an observable hierarchy or at least part of one and that "Nice Guy" is the worst of all options, pretty much the zero positives option:
In terms of attraction
Cocky, Arrogant, Mean Guy >>>>>>>>Remaining single even if you really don't want to >>>>>>>>>>>>"Nice Guy"


What are some of the deeper issues? For me I have love shyness and it's something that has to be either gone or 100% invisible.

That is horrible, just a few days ago I sent a nice message to someone to just help them out, not to get with them at all. Even mentioned it in the message to comfort them because most are scared of that. After 3 messages, and this person was happy with me helping, felt better, I stopped responding because I don't want to bother the person any longer in their life. My intent was to help and I did. Their are genuine good guys out there and believe me that I have my faults, am not perfect in any way, like any human. Not trying to seem like a super good guy here, just try and help people who's situation I understand because I know how it feels to have nobody and don't want people to feel the same way I do.

But men who expect something in return, disgusting. That is not being nice, that is being nice to yourself. Very evil.


Yeah, you are right. Love takes time as everyone who has been in a relationship can tell you. Rejection is a normal thing because finding a match is hard and I think the sensitivity of the men is a problem as well. I hate being rejected as well, don't get me wrong, who doesn't really but just think it's not only my cause. You have to deal with it, move on. There are a lot of a-holes, men and women can be very mean, deal with it and move on. Blaming yourself, constantly generalizing and demonizing a gender is not going to get you a girlfriend, let me tell you.

I see this a lot, men starting to hate women and what is the use? Attacking women on things they don't even understand. Women get relationship easier they say, well, that is correct but they also have more bad experiences. My ex had 3 extremely bad boyfriends, one used her as a sexslave, one turned into a stalker after she dumped him for being a clinger and the third was nice in the beginning and did the standard transformation after moving in together and started mentally abusing her and hitting her daily. Well, lucky them. NOT! Most women I have met tell stories like that and are very unlucky in love. True love is incredibly hard to find, same for both genders or anyone lgbtqiap to not exclude anyone.

In the end, just meet new people and if you get rejected, it was just not meant to be, don't blame yourself, it didn't work. You were not her type and she was not yours. Move on.

'Nice Guys vs Bad Guys' discussion Count: 1.038565643873586e+22

Another insightful comment from Boo...

^

When I went through Airmen Leadership School, I made friends with a dude who was into video games and a gym rat, much like myself.

I invited him to come hang out with me because I thought he was cool. Unknown to me, he was interested in more than friendship. Whenever we were hanging out, he would insist that I decide where we should go, what we should eat, what games to play, ect. It was exhausting. I think some men conceptualize being "nice" as being a total doormat, which, by the way, is completely boring and annoying.

Once I found out he "liked" me, I told him I wasn't interested. When he persisted, and started sending me astrological charts "proving" we were meant to be together, I ghosted his @$$.

Astrological charts, that's a new one

Found it so funny when I visited a psychic once, she said I had almost all my alignments in Mars and was a sexual god. I laughed so hard I cried. WTH?! Still cracks me up

A most insightful comment from me this time

My position is I want to fully reject both states of being. I don't want to be evil and I don't want to be a combination of pathetic and evil("Nice Guy").

Being a complete Bad Guy leads to bad relationships or becoming a monster like an abuser.
Being a "Nice Guy" leads to 0 lifetime relationships and possibly also extreme psychological disturbances like Mr Incel-Apocalypse.

I want to be myself but also not be conflated into either of the above groups, by people who might see men in binary terms limited to the above groups. I would want a relationship with a girl who recognizes guys as more complex human beings rather than binary definitions like Nice Guy or Bad Guy.


My viewpoint is to have a position of no expectations. It is just like hoping to find stranger who has the same favorite video game & other interests in common. It is entirely irrational in the absence of confirming information to assume that other people will have the same favorite plus same interests as myself. True compatibility is something similarly rare and low probability.

I assume the baseline probability is so low that it rounds to 0%, therefore I assume it is never the case unless I see actual evidence supporting the position. It is like the lottery jackpot, by default I have no reason to ever believe so unless I get literal confirmation of winning. Without confirmation this belief is the most foolish of speculation.


Hate solves nothing but what is one to do after many hundreds of rejections? What do you do if it appears that getting zero chances might be what happens? Where I live there are no opportunities but I observe other people who are at least appearing to be "similar" though given that this notion of similarity is based on superficial elements.

Rationally I would expect there might be several thousands of "opportunities"(This is without any positive indicators reinforcing them as opportunities) over the course of a lifetime if one were to reduce it to a numbers game.



That is good of you. He is very clearly ignoring your perspective and continuing to cross lines. In your position I would suspect possible sociopathy in him.


Anything pseudo-spiritual like that quickly goes into creepy territory. Even as a guy if a girl had tried this kind of stunt out of nowhere I would wonder if the date's itinerary might include murder.

Have been rejected over a hundred times. People like us need to look in different places, not conventional NT-places because that doesn't work. Be specific in what you are looking for. I myself am not looking anymore but if a woman shows interest in me one day, accepts me for who I am and genuinely likes me, I am open to that of course.

Most people I have known who are in long-term successful relationships met that way, friendship and then falling for each other. No dating sites or anything.

Best thing is to not look at all, surround yourself always with some women so it can happen and see if one shows interest in you. Do your own thing and just be yourself.


I was with family when this happened

Am laughing so hard right now

My own lyrics:

“No more Nice guy threads, No more nice guy top pi pi pics!

I am sick, to count them all.

One more, and I hack this site, one more, and I make it hel hell helll!”

[going crazy on electric guitar]

Come on! rock with me!

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 24 Jun 2018, 2:43 pm, edited 2 times in total.