Women asking guys out?
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
yellowtamarin wrote:
The_Face_Of_Boo wrote:
Don’t stay a cashier forever sly; it’s not enough - I am telling it bluntly; no woman dreams about getting married to a cashier. And if anyone here or elsewhere tells you this is not a major factor then I can assure you they’re lying or delusional.
This is a major factor for sly, whether it's a major factor for women or not, because he is so hung up about it. Yes, he needs a better job so he will feel more worthy of a relationship with a woman.
Can you stop this please? You are not helping.
No, it is a real major factor- It’s not another “problem in one’s head”.
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
The_Face_Of_Boo wrote:
Don’t stay a cashier forever sly; it’s not enough - I am telling it bluntly; no woman dreams about getting married to a cashier. And if anyone here or elsewhere tells you this is not a major factor then I can assure you they’re lying or delusional.
This is a major factor for sly, whether it's a major factor for women or not, because he is so hung up about it. Yes, he needs a better job so he will feel more worthy of a relationship with a woman.
Can you stop this please? You are not helping.
No, it is a real major factor- It’s not another “problem in one’s head”.
Yup, definitely not a problem that's only in his head as it severely limits what he can do.
It's one thing if you can't afford taking your date to a fancy expensive restaurant, but it's another if you can't afford going to a cheap cafe. And Sly's situation seems to be such that a date has to cost absolutely no money. If you can't afford fancy expensive restaurants that's already going to keep some women from dating you. If you can't afford anything and act like this can't ever change it's going to keep every woman from dating you who wants to be able to ever do anything with her partner that costs money and isn't willing to pay his part in addition to her own. And that's the vast majority of women.
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
NorthWind wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
The_Face_Of_Boo wrote:
Don’t stay a cashier forever sly; it’s not enough - I am telling it bluntly; no woman dreams about getting married to a cashier. And if anyone here or elsewhere tells you this is not a major factor then I can assure you they’re lying or delusional.
This is a major factor for sly, whether it's a major factor for women or not, because he is so hung up about it. Yes, he needs a better job so he will feel more worthy of a relationship with a woman.
Can you stop this please? You are not helping.
No, it is a real major factor- It’s not another “problem in one’s head”.
Yup, definitely not a problem that's only in his head as it severely limits what he can do.
It's one thing if you can't afford taking your date to a fancy expensive restaurant, but it's another if you can't afford going to a cheap cafe. And Sly's situation seems to be such that a date has to cost absolutely no money. If you can't afford fancy expensive restaurants that's already going to keep some women from dating you. If you can't afford anything and act like this can't ever change it's going to keep every woman from dating you who wants to be able to ever do anything with her partner that costs money and isn't willing to pay his part in addition to her own. And that's the vast majority of women.
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
The_Face_Of_Boo wrote:
Don’t stay a cashier forever sly; it’s not enough - I am telling it bluntly; no woman dreams about getting married to a cashier. And if anyone here or elsewhere tells you this is not a major factor then I can assure you they’re lying or delusional.
This is a major factor for sly, whether it's a major factor for women or not, because he is so hung up about it. Yes, he needs a better job so he will feel more worthy of a relationship with a woman.
Can you stop this please? You are not helping.
No, it is a real major factor- It’s not another “problem in one’s head”.
I didn't say it's a problem in his head. I said there's also ANOTHER reason it's a major factor.
I have no doubt in my mind that if I were born a woman instead of a man, i'd be hot! I'd be this short petite brunette girl, i'd have no problem dating. Hell, i'd probably have dated multiple guys by now.
But since I was born a man, now i'm just this short petite guy that nobody wants to date.
Maybe i'm wrong but it sure would be nice to just know what it's like to feel wanted.
ShadowProphet wrote:
I have no doubt in my mind that if I were born a woman instead of a man, i'd be hot! I'd be this short petite brunette girl, i'd have no problem dating. Hell, i'd probably have dated multiple guys by now.
But since I was born a man, now i'm just this short petite guy that nobody wants to date.
Maybe i'm wrong but it sure would be nice to just know what it's like to feel wanted.
But since I was born a man, now i'm just this short petite guy that nobody wants to date.
Maybe i'm wrong but it sure would be nice to just know what it's like to feel wanted.
I will not discuss with no doubt in mind for it would be pointless by definition.
"Just to know what it's like to feel wanted" – this I understand. I had been a bullied wallflower for years before I expirienced this. And, I admit, it's a nice feeling.
Would you also like to know how it feels to be exploited? Because, regardless of your gender, this is the risk that comes with being wanted.
_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.
<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
sly279 wrote:
I don’t feel there’s any advice ther would help me. There’s a solution but it’s one I can’t do because if my disability and if I didn’t have it, then I wouldn’t have a problem.
If I hadn’t been born wrong I’d joined the military, got a wife , had kids, found a job outside the military after while or stayed in until retirement.
Or could gone to work in construction with my uncle. He’s wealthy. But at last I can’t Handel full time work. I’m not normal so the solution to just find s better paying full time job is impossible
If I hadn’t been born wrong I’d joined the military, got a wife , had kids, found a job outside the military after while or stayed in until retirement.
Or could gone to work in construction with my uncle. He’s wealthy. But at last I can’t Handel full time work. I’m not normal so the solution to just find s better paying full time job is impossible
Drop everything right now and go to your uncle right away; no excuses; if you can work part time then you surely can work full time; or you can arrange something in the middle with your uncle if he’s close to you; learn some trade with him, I dunno. Maybe he has other businesses or can introduce you to some business where you can use some of your skills.
You have a wealthy uncle; that can be a blessing.
Don’t stay a cashier forever sly; it’s not enough - I am telling it bluntly; no woman dreams about getting married to a cashier. And if anyone here or elsewhere tells you this is not a major factor then I can assure you they’re lying or delusional.
Go! Now.
That was 10 years ago. Long came and passed. I wasn’t fit for construction.
I can’t work full time. I hardly handle 15 hours a week and feel like quitting. I’m having to push myself every shift to keep working. I work 3-5 hours a shift.
Also I haven’t been a cashier in 3 years.
I’m well awar I’m a worthless unlovable pile of trash that needs to just die.
yellowtamarin wrote:
The_Face_Of_Boo wrote:
Don’t stay a cashier forever sly; it’s not enough - I am telling it bluntly; no woman dreams about getting married to a cashier. And if anyone here or elsewhere tells you this is not a major factor then I can assure you they’re lying or delusional.
This is a major factor for sly, whether it's a major factor for women or not, because he is so hung up about it. Yes, he needs a better job so he will feel more worthy of a relationship with a woman.
So in your opinion the fact that thousands and thousands of women have rejected it has no baring and they were all just lying?
sly279 wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
The_Face_Of_Boo wrote:
Don’t stay a cashier forever sly; it’s not enough - I am telling it bluntly; no woman dreams about getting married to a cashier. And if anyone here or elsewhere tells you this is not a major factor then I can assure you they’re lying or delusional.
This is a major factor for sly, whether it's a major factor for women or not, because he is so hung up about it. Yes, he needs a better job so he will feel more worthy of a relationship with a woman.
So in your opinion the fact that thousands and thousands of women have rejected it has no baring and they were all just lying?
No, in my opinion it is always beneficial for anyone to feel worthy of having a relationship, in order to be in a better space to allow one in. As per the recent thread 'Self-Loathing And Relationships'.
I'm really not sure what your questions means...I don't think I was saying anything about that.
My post above was giving an extra reason why it would be good for you to get a better job, and was not addressing Boo's reason other than to say it's not the only potential reason.
NorthWind wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
The_Face_Of_Boo wrote:
Don’t stay a cashier forever sly; it’s not enough - I am telling it bluntly; no woman dreams about getting married to a cashier. And if anyone here or elsewhere tells you this is not a major factor then I can assure you they’re lying or delusional.
This is a major factor for sly, whether it's a major factor for women or not, because he is so hung up about it. Yes, he needs a better job so he will feel more worthy of a relationship with a woman.
Can you stop this please? You are not helping.
No, it is a real major factor- It’s not another “problem in one’s head”.
Yup, definitely not a problem that's only in his head as it severely limits what he can do.
It's one thing if you can't afford taking your date to a fancy expensive restaurant, but it's another if you can't afford going to a cheap cafe. And Sly's situation seems to be such that a date has to cost absolutely no money. If you can't afford fancy expensive restaurants that's already going to keep some women from dating you. If you can't afford anything and act like this can't ever change it's going to keep every woman from dating you who wants to be able to ever do anything with her partner that costs money and isn't willing to pay his part in addition to her own. And that's the vast majority of women.
^ This.
The majority of adult human females are going to want to do more things than watch TV, kiss and cuddle on the couch, and take walks in the park, especially in the long term.
You can complain that "women only care about money," but money unto itself means nothing; however, it is a means to an end.
_________________
"If we fail to anticipate the unforeseen or expect the unexpected in a universe of infinite possibilities, we may find ourselves at the mercy of anyone or anything that cannot be programmed, categorized or easily referenced."
-XFG (no longer a moderator)
kraftiekortie wrote:
That's probably true.
But there are surprisingly quite a few women who don't mind only cuddling on the couch. I've met a few myself.
But there are surprisingly quite a few women who don't mind only cuddling on the couch. I've met a few myself.
I can't think of anything I like to do that costs much money, other than boardgaming, but I already have a huge collection so we're good to go! Couch cuddling, bushwalking, philosophising, camping, maybe going WWOOFing together (working our way around the country on organic farms), bring it on!
So if my partner is interested in the things that cost money, I'm probably not the right gal for them. But hardly anyone here seems to acknowledge this concept - that if you are X type of person in a Y dominated society, it's okay to look for another X to be with, and if you look only for a Y you may push away the Xs in the process, while not managing to get a Y anyway.
Let me rephrase that as an example because I'm sure it made no sense:
If you're a minimalist man who likes the free things in life, living in a capitalist society where most women want to do expensive sh*t, it's okay to look for another minimalist, if that's your type. If, instead, you do your best to make money that you don't even want, to attract a girl who wants to do things you don't even want to do, you may be unappealing to that cute minimalist chick who would otherwise have been into you, and you might not get a mainstream girl anyway (because you're faking your personality/values).
Now, if what you actually truly want is more money and to be able to do more things that cost money, then yes you should aim for that. If Sly really wants those things (regardless of what he thinks women want), then he should try to achieve it. I'm not actually sure what Sly wants though because I can only recall him saying what he *should have* because *all women require that of him*. But the idea that he needs a better job is so deeply ingrained in his beliefs that he probably should aim for it, as he will never feel adequate without it, while he maintains such beliefs.
And I know, just because I would date a cashier who plans to be a cashier for the rest of his life, doesn't mean there's any women where Sly lives who would. But the USA is a much more densely populated place than Australia, so I'd be pretty amazed if it were the case. They are just probably pretty damn tricky to find, if you are looking with the attitude of "I know nobody will want me the way I am".
yellowtamarin wrote:
No, in my opinion it is always beneficial for anyone to feel worthy of having a relationship, in order to be in a better space to allow one in. As per the recent thread 'Self-Loathing And Relationships'.
I'm really not sure what your questions means...I don't think I was saying anything about that.
My post above was giving an extra reason why it would be good for you to get a better job, and was not addressing Boo's reason other than to say it's not the only potential reason.
I'm really not sure what your questions means...I don't think I was saying anything about that.
My post above was giving an extra reason why it would be good for you to get a better job, and was not addressing Boo's reason other than to say it's not the only potential reason.
I thought I was for years and it didn’t help. Just as thinking I can fly won’t make me when I jump off a cliff. Blind belief isn’t enough to make it real.
I wish I could . It doesn’t feel like I’m meant for working
Quote:
I can't think of anything I like to do that costs much money, other than boardgaming, but I already have a huge collection so we're good to go! Couch cuddling, bushwalking, philosophising, camping, maybe going WWOOFing together (working our way around the country on organic farms), bring it on!
Yeah, and all that stuff can cost money too.
_________________
"If we fail to anticipate the unforeseen or expect the unexpected in a universe of infinite possibilities, we may find ourselves at the mercy of anyone or anything that cannot be programmed, categorized or easily referenced."
-XFG (no longer a moderator)
yellowtamarin wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
That's probably true.
But there are surprisingly quite a few women who don't mind only cuddling on the couch. I've met a few myself.
But there are surprisingly quite a few women who don't mind only cuddling on the couch. I've met a few myself.
I can't think of anything I like to do that costs much money, other than boardgaming, but I already have a huge collection so we're good to go! Couch cuddling, bushwalking, philosophising, camping, maybe going WWOOFing together (working our way around the country on organic farms), bring it on!
So if my partner is interested in the things that cost money, I'm probably not the right gal for them. But hardly anyone here seems to acknowledge this concept - that if you are X type of person in a Y dominated society, it's okay to look for another X to be with, and if you look only for a Y you may push away the Xs in the process, while not managing to get a Y anyway.
Let me rephrase that as an example because I'm sure it made no sense:
If you're a minimalist man who likes the free things in life, living in a capitalist society where most women want to do expensive sh*t, it's okay to look for another minimalist, if that's your type. If, instead, you do your best to make money that you don't even want, to attract a girl who wants to do things you don't even want to do, you may be unappealing to that cute minimalist chick who would otherwise have been into you, and you might not get a mainstream girl anyway (because you're faking your personality/values).
Now, if what you actually truly want is more money and to be able to do more things that cost money, then yes you should aim for that. If Sly really wants those things (regardless of what he thinks women want), then he should try to achieve it. I'm not actually sure what Sly wants though because I can only recall him saying what he *should have* because *all women require that of him*. But the idea that he needs a better job is so deeply ingrained in his beliefs that he probably should aim for it, as he will never feel adequate without it, while he maintains such beliefs.
"To each his/her own" is a good insert phrase. I agree partially.
Now if a minimalist person given the oppurtunity to go out.(Hit a dance club or rave, bar hop, resurant hop, wine tasting, etc what ever you can think of) would they take it ?
Possibly pay for the experience/ experiment?
Or would this minimalist just stick with what they like ?
And now the real question: would a person on the spectrum consider all this and then consider climbing out of the (proverbial) box?
With all this above still considering your partner.....
_________________
*Pour a martinelli apple cider bottle into a wine glass. Puts down momentaryly poetry book next to philosophy book.
"Im search of answers, new marvels, and new questions to ask."
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
sly279 wrote:
I don’t feel there’s any advice ther would help me. There’s a solution but it’s one I can’t do because if my disability and if I didn’t have it, then I wouldn’t have a problem.
If I hadn’t been born wrong I’d joined the military, got a wife , had kids, found a job outside the military after while or stayed in until retirement.
Or could gone to work in construction with my uncle. He’s wealthy. But at last I can’t Handel full time work. I’m not normal so the solution to just find s better paying full time job is impossible
If I hadn’t been born wrong I’d joined the military, got a wife , had kids, found a job outside the military after while or stayed in until retirement.
Or could gone to work in construction with my uncle. He’s wealthy. But at last I can’t Handel full time work. I’m not normal so the solution to just find s better paying full time job is impossible
Drop everything right now and go to your uncle right away; no excuses; if you can work part time then you surely can work full time; or you can arrange something in the middle with your uncle if he’s close to you; learn some trade with him, I dunno. Maybe he has other businesses or can introduce you to some business where you can use some of your skills.
You have a wealthy uncle; that can be a blessing.
Don’t stay a cashier forever sly; it’s not enough - I am telling it bluntly; no woman dreams about getting married to a cashier. And if anyone here or elsewhere tells you this is not a major factor then I can assure you they’re lying or delusional.
Go! Now.
A guy who lives in my town has worked as a cashier for at least 20 yrs , married and kids.......so much for being a failure
