Nice Guys and Love, what's your take on the issue

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Sorry if I wasn't clear. I used to be that guy that people made fun of and didn't want to date, then I improved my appearance and become more outgoing. I didn't become another person, I just became a better version of myself. When I talk to women, I talk about myself, and ask them about themselves. It really isn't that hard. I just think it's easier to say "It's not going to happen" and that's what a lot of guys in general do, especially guys on here.

Self-improvement is always good but as a result of all your self-improvement, do you now have a girlfriend?

I have looked at lots of pick-up sites on the net and they all say they same thing (albeit worded differently): guys who treat women like s**t are the ones who get women. Nice guys always lose.

Of course they do - those sites survive because people buy into the belief that being someone else is better than being who they are. Nice guys don't lose, AspiRob - life isn't fair, and not everyone wins, but your generalization is lacking in substance in my opinion.


M.

It seems like teenage girls are instinctively drawn towards macho a**holes but intelligent women learn about their errors and start trying some nice guys as they get older, while stupid women just keep making the same mistake over and over, not realising that they always end up with a**holes because they fall for the wrong type.

The problem is.... Women don't really THINK about relationships but rather FEEL... The kind of a**holes who get all the women they want who know how to manipulate those feelings and thus make them feel everything they expect to feel while of course they're just "playing". Decent guys tend to be less empathic and lack both interests and skills for such manipulative behavior and Aspies don't have any empathy at all, making it even harder for us to understand what women want and how to give it to them....

Most pick-up sites say that, too. I agree with you about it being harder for we Aspies as we don't really understand empathy very well.

I think we'll have to agree to disagree on that one. From my own experience, all they guys I have ever met who are good with women, usually treat women as little better than objects. At the same time, most really nice guys (the kind of guys that if I had a sister, I would match them up) are always single. That is my justification.

I know women say they want "nice guys" but in reality, the nice guys never seem to get the girls.

I agree that life isn't fair - if it was, none of us would be Aspies. With that in mind, I also agree that not everyone in life wins - for someone to win, there must be a loser.

I have to say that whilst I was greatly bothered by my single status as a younger man, as I age, I am less and less bothered.

I'm not basing this on what pick-up sites say but on my own experience. Our greatest hindrance is not so much us having poor social skills but us being unable to feel what they feel and thus respond correctly to their feelings. I saw the love of several of my exes turn into mere friendship because I couldn't respond to their emotional needs as I just couldn't sense half of them.



I've had five exes in total and I'm still friends with my last two exes. It's not impossible to find a girl if you're a nice guy. It's just a matter of learning the right tricks.

What is really hard, is KEEPING a girl interested.... I haven't managed to be succesful in that area yet.

all this is true. nice guys have more trouble dating and getting laid in any way, shape, or form

And the sad reality is that Aspies are inclined to be nice. At least I am. I have no intention to hurt anyone in any way (unless they hurt me first - but that's a different story).

Even if I could learn to be the kind of abusive macho a**hole that women seem attracted to, I would not want to be. I prefer to be a nice person. Ultimately, if this means I will always be single - so be it. Having said that, I don't feel sorry for women who get abused by the a**holes they choose to out with.

i cant agree with you more. theres something about me that wouldnt allow me to treat a woman wrong, but women are too stupid to realize that

I don't know whether all women are but a lot of them are.

This post itself treats women wrong. A genuine nice guy wouldn't make such a spiteful, misogynistic post.

What's mysogynistic about a guy asserting that women who consistently fall for @$$holes are responsible for their own heartaches?

If you only date @$$holes and you ignore the nice guys because they aren't "your type", then you deserve all the pain and suffering that results from it. I couldn't agree more with the OP and I find if offensive when men are actually held responsible because I really don't see why I should be held accountible for women's poor taste in men....

Nothing is misogynistic with asserting that women who consistently fall for @ssholes are responsible for their own mistakes. But that isn't what he asserted. Instead he asserted that women are "too stupid" to realize he would treat them right. That sentence itself makes me suspect that he would be unlikely to actually treat a woman right if he were with her. Part of treating a woman right is not being contemptuous of her intelligence.

There are lots- lots, of nice guys who get girlfriends and wives. I am married to a nice guy. My boyfriends prior to him are nice guys. The husbands and boyfriends of my friends are nice guys. My brothers, my brothers-in-law, my father. my father-inlaw, my uncles are nice guys and all married. This mythology that "nice guys can't get a woman" seems to be perpetuated by guys who are not actually very nice but think that since they've never actually hit a woman or cheated on one, that's all it takes and women are "stupid" for not being with them. Although lots of women are in abusive relationships, far more are in relationships that are not abusive but these get discounted by the "nice guys finish last" mythologists because it conflicts with their world view that paints all women as either being with "jerks" or being with them.

It is not nice at all to say that women are "stupid" if they don't realize that they will be treated right by a particular man. Women are smart indeed to stay away from any man who would call women "stupid" because they aren't with him.

Last edited by Janissy on 26 Dec 2009, 4:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You probably don't see the women who are smart enough to date nice guys because they are off the market.

A smart woman will walk away from you if she senses in any way that you think most women are stupid.